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NintendoPuristForever
NintendoPuristForever
Admin
20211015
Crystals of Silveria Funny Moments

Almost immediately, the temperature drops. Zed’s breaths become visible as frost encrusts all of the trees.

Zed: This is bad! It’s not even close to winter!

Dwarf: It’s the Winter Festival, lad! Time for us to get drunk!

Zed: Who are you?

Dwarf: Why, it’s me, D. Wharf! The lovable rogue!

Zed: Uh…okay.

Dwarf: Say, that’s a pretty necklace. A pretty necklace for a pretty lass!

Zed: Uh, this is a special artefact. And I’m a guy, not a girl!

Dwarf: Of course you are, little boy!

Zed: What did you call me?!


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Crystals of Silveria Funny Moments

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Amethyst: We have one more place to visit before we must go.

Zed: Oh, I have a toilet in my house if-

Amethyst giggles.

Amethyst: I have something else in mind.

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Brocc: Amethyst, he’s huge! Are you sure he isn’t a giant?

Bryn (male): Of course he isn’t, Brocc! Look at his build. He’s definitely a human.

Brocc walks over to Zed and looks up at him. He is slightly taller than Bryn, though most of the added height is his tall, spiky hair.

Brocc: Oh, you’re right. Sometimes it’s hard to tell. I’m Brocc Farshot, and I’m an entertainer! A bard! A lyricist!

Bryn (male): You can’t sing!

Brocc: No, but I still write songs, don’t I?

Bryn (male): Well, I can’t argue with that logic.

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Brocc: I could try to help him remember with a bardic song.

Bryn (male): No! No singing! The last time you sung, your cat ran away for days!

Brocc: She didn’t run away! I sent her to scout for the next town.

Bryn (male): And did she find it?

Brocc: Well…she found somebody’s camp.

Bryn (male): A camp of gobbos, if I’m not mistaken? And she led them right to the village where we were staying.

Brocc: Well, I won’t make that mistake again, okay?

Bryn (male): Oh? Then where is your precious familiar right now?

Brocc: Uh…scouting ahead.

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Emily: This is bad. Very bad.

Brocc: Emily, settle down. You’re scaring Zed!

Zed: Actually, I’m not-

Brocc: Don’t worry, my friend! There’s no need to be af-fr-fraid…

Brocc’s teeth begin to chatter.

Mak: Just relax. We’ve been in worse situations before.

Bryn (male): Name one time.

Mak: Gobbo siege of that village two weeks ago.

Bryn (male): Okay, I guess that was slightly worse…

Emily: I needed to heal a quarter of the villagers.

Bryn (male): Whatever. The point is that barbarians are mindless, savage-

Mak: Bryn, shut it! We’re here.

Bryn looks up at the barbarian guarding the bridge.

Bryn (male): Oh…heheh…hello!

Barbarian: The toll is 5 gold each for you to cross. So…one, two, four, five, six, eight, twelve…32 gold total.

Bryn’s thoughts: And here’s the result of today’s education system…

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Barbarian: Look, just pay us the money and nobody gets hurt!

Mak: Can you even spell “money“?

Barbarian: M…un…e?

Mak: Wrong answer.

Barbarian: I AM NOT UNLITERATE! Fellas, get over here and teach these guys how to spell pain!

Mak: P-A-I-N!

Barbarian: RRRRRRRRAWRRRRRRRR!!

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The barbarian bellows and pushes Mak towards the edge of the cliff. Mak regains his balance, but is cornered with nowhere else to go.

Barbarian Leader: That river’s moving mighty fast. Might we be near a W-O-H-T-A-F-O-H-L?

Mak: A what?

Barbarian Leader: A WATERFALL!

The other barbarians regain their senses and join their leader in surrounding the orcborn.

Barbarian #4: I hope you can swim…and survive a two-foot plunge down a waterfall!

Bryn (male): Two feet? Could you BE any thicker?!

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Voice: ALEK!

The headmaster runs downstairs up to Alek.

Alek: What is the matter, Headmaster?

Headmaster: The drakes have escaped from the barn! They are running rampant around campus! They almost tackled the groundkeeper into the pool - and he cannot swim!

Alek: Then we must hurry! Amethyst? Zed? I could use your assistance.

Amethyst: We would be more than happy to assist!

Alek: Then let us go!

The three mages race out of the door.

Headmaster: Good luck to you all!

Alek: Thank you, Headmaster!

Headmaster: I certainly made the right choice by making him an academy master. Oh well, back to sorting paperwork.

The headmaster begins heading upstairs.

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Zed: Well, I thought we were going to be chasing gigantic lizards with sharp teeth and claws, not…ducks.

Alek laughs.

Alek: We would not be so careless as to keep reptilian drakes inside a wooden barn on campus grounds, Zed.

Zed: That’s a relief.

Alek: No no, we keep those inside the monster enclosure. That’s it, just over there.

Alek points to a metal building at a far corner of campus grounds, surrounded by a high, jagged-metal fence and a deep moat. Loud roars can be heard from within. Zed squeals.

Zed: Th-That’s less comforting.

Alek: Relax, Zed. No monster has escaped from there in thirty years. And even that was just a minor threat.

Zed: Really?

Alek: Oh, yes. All that dragon did was eat half the animals in the barn and destroy the left side of the dormitories. And the language he used was so…colourful, to say the least. I was two years old at the time, yet I still remember the incident vividly, so there is no need for concern.

A shocked look spreads across Zed’s face.

Amethyst: Uh…why don’t we head inside and have a good meal?

Zed: D-Dragons! I-In the sch-school…

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Mak, Emily and Bryn enter the Temple of Marilina. Bryn feels as though he is out-of-place.

Bryn (male): I don’t even revere Marilina. Why did you bring me here?

Mak: You know exactly why, Bryn.

Bryn (male): Oh, it’ll clear itself up eventually.

Mak: Are you absolutely sure?

Bryn (male): Well…not really, no.

Emily: Just speak with the High Priestess. She will do all she can to help.

Bryn (male): Fine…

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High Priestess: I am afraid there is nothing I can do.

Mak: But what about him?

High Priestess: It will clear up eventually.

Bryn (male): HA! What did I tell you?

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Mak: Visiting the Temple of Marilina is never a waste.

Bryn (male): I just hope my buddy Brocc is having the time of his life.

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Brocc is pursued through a deserted alley by two human thugs wielding big clubs.

Thug #1: I’ll teach you to sing like a screeching elbok!

Brocc: I was just trying to entertain people!

Thug #1: Well it sounded like you were deliberately mocking our voices!

Thug #2: We’ll pound you, you no-good kid!

Brocc: Oh, Thobrun! Where did you go? I need you NOW!

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Mak: When is Brocc not having the time of his life?

Bryn (male): True…

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Kendall and Zed sit on seats facing the headmaster. The headmaster stares at Zed’s right hand for a moment, before snapping back to reality.

Headmaster: Now, what may I do for you gentlemen?

Kendall: We’d like to report a sighting of a monster within the campus walls.

Headmaster: Oh no…the dragon hasn’t escaped from his enclosure again, has he?

A look of horror spreads across Zed’s face.

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Brocc: Where’s that hot towel I ordered?

Voice: Hot towel for you, sir?

Brocc turns to face Mak dressed in nothing but underwear, cufflinks and a bowtie, a towel draped over his arm.

Brocc: Thank you, butle-WHOA! For the love of Midiora, put some clothes on or something!

A gigantic wave splashes over Brocc.

Brocc: GAH! I’m soaked! This outfit cost me 500 gold! It’s ruined!


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Water splashes onto Brocc again, causing him to stir.

Voice: Are you alright? You’re babbling about citrus stars and hot owls…

Brocc: Ungh…500 gold…

Voice: Oh, thank goodness! I thought you’d never awaken!

Brocc looks up and sees a beautiful young woman standing over him.

Brocc (charismatic): Well, I’m feeling much better, thanks to your helpful assistance.

Girl: Oh, that is good news. Please, come back to my place and I’ll give you a good breakfast.

Brocc (charismatic): Oh, rescue AND breakfast? You’re really being too generous. We should…let our emotions blossom first. But if you insist…

Girl: Oh, I do insist. My new husband is a fantastic chef.

Brocc (charismatic): Well, that is rather…uh…d-did you say “husband”?

The girl smiles.

Girl: Oh, yes. I’m sure he’d be happy to cook a meal for a poor, hungry boy such as yourself.

A blank expression quickly emerges on Brocc’s face.

Brocc: Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-

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Laura runs up to the two “detectives”.

Laura: There you are! Zed, there is a matter of-

Kendall (raised voice): MASTER STORMSHROUD WAS FRAMED!

An elderly woman walks down the hallway.

Woman: Shh!

Kendall: My apologies, ma’am.

Zed: Isn’t that the librarian?

Kendall: Indeed it is.

Zed: Huh. Now, you wanted something, Laura?

Laura: You must come with me, Zed. It is a matter of urgency.

Zed: It is?

Laura: Indeed. A bright light is emanating from your room.

Zed: A bright light? That could mean…MY EGG IS HATCHING!

The librarian walks past again.

Librarian: Shh!

Zed (soft voice): Sorry…

Laura: Wait, who’s watching the library?

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The two bullies run around the library throwing books at each other.

Ned: Hey, Kel! Have a taste of My First Alchemy!

Ned throws a children’s book at Kel. Kel dodges it and picks up another book.

Kel: Oh yeah, Ned? Why not try Cantrips for Beginners?

Kel throws the book at Ned. Ned casts magic missile at it, destroying it.

Ned: Haha! Take THAT, cantrips!

Alek’s voice: NEDFORD AND KELBORT! COME HERE AT ONCE!

Ned and Kel sheepishly walk over to Alek.

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Brocc stumbles into the temple, gasping for air.

Brocc: I…think I…lost…those…dogs…

Priestess: Oh, welcome to the Temple of Marilina. May I offer you our services?

Brocc: Oh…I don’t…I don’t think…you can…help…I…I’m not…what you…think I-

Priestess: Oh, nonsense! The Temple of Marilina welcomes all. Now, come with me.

Emily: Oh, Brocc! Whatever happened to you?

Brocc: Bad song…thugs…dogs…drakes…five…hundred…gold…

Emily: I will take him off your hands, if you please.

Priestess: Of course, sister. By all means.

Emily and the priestess bow to each other. The priestess calmly walks away. Emily turns back to Brocc.

Emily: Now, let’s get you healed, and you can tell me all about your city-wide escapades.

Bryn pokes his head around the corner.

Bryn (male): Uh…Ems?

Emily: Yes, Bryn?

Bryn (male): The big guy wants to see you.

Emily: Okay, I will be there shortly.

Bryn (male): No prob.

Bryn disappears back around the corner.

Emily: I will have to hear your tale later, Brocc.

Emily bows and walks away.

Brocc: But…you didn’t…heal me yet…

Priest: Oh, my word! You poor young boy! Please, come with me at once!

Brocc: I’m…not young…I’m…an…I-

Priest: Now, now, don’t be shy. I will heal your wounds.

The priest ushers Brocc away from his spot.

Brocc: But…but…

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Amethyst sits in a chair reading a book. A frantic knock sounds through the door.

Amethyst: Oh, please enter!

The door suddenly swings open and Zed races inside, closing and locking the door behind him.

Amethyst: Oh, Zed! Is something the matter?

Zed: Alek’s gone berserk! He’s turned the others into thralls! And now he’s coming after me! And he was saying weird stuff about me, too, like I have potential to do…something, and-

Amethyst: Calm down, Zed!

Zed calms down and takes a deep breath, then exhales.

Amethyst: Now, please calmly tell me what has happened.

Zed: Well-

The door suddenly bursts open, revealing Kendall, Ned and Kel.

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Alek’s voice: Leave her alone, brother!

A smile spreads across Lillian's face.

Lillian: Ah…at last you have graced us with your presence!

Lillian spins to face Alek and Laura.

Lillian: Alekzander. Always a pleasure to see your face.

Alek: Hello, Lillian.

Lillian (childish tone): Shut up! Don’t tell them my real name!

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Amethyst: Actually, it is common for intelligent familiars to take on aspects of their master’s traits.

Bryn (male): You mean that streak of green fur on the cat’s back isn’t fungus?

Brocc: HEY! Tabby has a luscious coat! Her fur is an extension of my OWN…uh…hair.

Bryn (male): Keep telling yourself that, Brocc.

The group laughs.

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And now, it's time for today's BONUS SURPRISE ROUND GUEST SPECIAL SECRET FUN CLIP!

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An arrow whizzes past Mak’s head.

Bryn (female): Oh, for the love of truffles!

Brent and Sara stand right in the party’s path.

Brent: Hello, Crystalbound.

Sara: Hello, Crystalbound.

Brent glares at Sara.

Brent: I just said that!

Sara: I know, but I wanted to say it too!

Brent: You can’t just take my words like that! I, Brent, have standards, and those standards don’t include some half-witted barbarian stealing my thunder!

Sara! I am not unliterate! And I am not a thief!

Sara points at Bryn.

Sara: THAT is a thief!

Bryn (female): Hey! Don’t go pointing your sausage-finger at me, sister!

Sara: I am not your sister!

Bryn (female): No, it’s a… oh, never mind.

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THANKS FOR WATCHING!

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Staroceancrazy
October 20th 2021, 12:13 pmStaroceancrazy
Zed is back and awesomer than ever Exclamation
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