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by TheRealSquigley
on January 16th 2022, 2:37 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Pokémon Fanficles: Kanto Blues - A Fanfiction by the Author
Replies: 3
Views: 247

Pokémon Fanficles: Kanto Blues - A Fanfiction by the Author

Episode 3: I DO Believe in Normals
Part 1 - BADGEs and FEEs and Zs Oh My!:

Part 2 - MAGIKARP Getto Daze!:

Part 3 - Wild LUMIOSE appeared!:
by TheRealSquigley
on January 8th 2022, 10:59 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Pokémon Fanficles: Kanto Blues - A Fanfiction by the Author
Replies: 3
Views: 247

Pokémon Fanficles: Kanto Blues - A Fanfiction by the Author

Episode 2: I Can’t Believe it’s Not Santalune
Part 1 - En Route Un!:

Part 2 - NIDORAN♂ Getto Daze!:

Part 3 - Da-Da-Da-Da-DA-DA-DA-DA!:
by TheRealSquigley
on January 2nd 2022, 3:11 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Pokémon Fanficles: Kanto Blues - A Fanfiction by the Author
Replies: 3
Views: 247

Pokémon Fanficles: Kanto Blues - A Fanfiction by the Author

Episode 1: Pick n' Choose
Part 1 - Gettin' this STUNKY into KLINK!:

Part 2 - PIDGEY Getto Daze!:

Part 3 - Delayed Olfactory Response!:
by TheRealSquigley
on December 8th 2021, 2:37 am
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: The video games alphabet
Replies: 369
Views: 10191

The video games alphabet

Towafan7 wrote:Bust A Move.


Whoa... that is spooky, because I was gonna make a joke about Bust-a-Move in the "I'm scared of ghosts" thread. Here's how it would've looked if I could find and upload some decent images on what's left of my three-and-a-half year old phone:

***
Sorry, dude. All I could find was the MythBusters, the Move-Bustas, and a mango and banana smoothie. lol!

(Image #1)
(Image #2)
(Image #3... an empty glass)

What the...? Where the fresh is the smoothie?!

Inklein: Silly Wiggles! That's not "this movie", it's "a glass"! Silly Wiggles, hahaha! Happy

*BURP*

Mmm... cantaloaf... Love

***
ON-TOPIC: Conker's Pocket Tales
by TheRealSquigley
on October 15th 2021, 1:13 am
 
Search in: WiiWareWave Exclusive Features
Topic: Crystals of Silveria Funny Moments
Replies: 1
Views: 172

Crystals of Silveria Funny Moments

Crystals of Silveria Funny Moments

Almost immediately, the temperature drops. Zed’s breaths become visible as frost encrusts all of the trees.

Zed: This is bad! It’s not even close to winter!

Dwarf: It’s the Winter Festival, lad! Time for us to get drunk!

Zed: Who are you?

Dwarf: Why, it’s me, D. Wharf! The lovable rogue!

Zed: Uh…okay.

Dwarf: Say, that’s a pretty necklace. A pretty necklace for a pretty lass!

Zed: Uh, this is a special artefact. And I’m a guy, not a girl!

Dwarf: Of course you are, little boy!

Zed: What did you call me?!


***
############

***
Crystals of Silveria Funny Moments

***
############

***
Amethyst: We have one more place to visit before we must go.

Zed: Oh, I have a toilet in my house if-

Amethyst giggles.

Amethyst: I have something else in mind.

***
############

***
Brocc: Amethyst, he’s huge! Are you sure he isn’t a giant?

Bryn (male): Of course he isn’t, Brocc! Look at his build. He’s definitely a human.

Brocc walks over to Zed and looks up at him. He is slightly taller than Bryn, though most of the added height is his tall, spiky hair.

Brocc: Oh, you’re right. Sometimes it’s hard to tell. I’m Brocc Farshot, and I’m an entertainer! A bard! A lyricist!

Bryn (male): You can’t sing!

Brocc: No, but I still write songs, don’t I?

Bryn (male): Well, I can’t argue with that logic.

***
############

***
Brocc: I could try to help him remember with a bardic song.

Bryn (male): No! No singing! The last time you sung, your cat ran away for days!

Brocc: She didn’t run away! I sent her to scout for the next town.

Bryn (male): And did she find it?

Brocc: Well…she found somebody’s camp.

Bryn (male): A camp of gobbos, if I’m not mistaken? And she led them right to the village where we were staying.

Brocc: Well, I won’t make that mistake again, okay?

Bryn (male): Oh? Then where is your precious familiar right now?

Brocc: Uh…scouting ahead.

***
############

***
Emily: This is bad. Very bad.

Brocc: Emily, settle down. You’re scaring Zed!

Zed: Actually, I’m not-

Brocc: Don’t worry, my friend! There’s no need to be af-fr-fraid…

Brocc’s teeth begin to chatter.

Mak: Just relax. We’ve been in worse situations before.

Bryn (male): Name one time.

Mak: Gobbo siege of that village two weeks ago.

Bryn (male): Okay, I guess that was slightly worse…

Emily: I needed to heal a quarter of the villagers.

Bryn (male): Whatever. The point is that barbarians are mindless, savage-

Mak: Bryn, shut it! We’re here.

Bryn looks up at the barbarian guarding the bridge.

Bryn (male): Oh…heheh…hello!

Barbarian: The toll is 5 gold each for you to cross. So…one, two, four, five, six, eight, twelve…32 gold total.

Bryn’s thoughts: And here’s the result of today’s education system…

***
############

***
Barbarian: Look, just pay us the money and nobody gets hurt!

Mak: Can you even spell “money“?

Barbarian: M…un…e?

Mak: Wrong answer.

Barbarian: I AM NOT UNLITERATE! Fellas, get over here and teach these guys how to spell pain!

Mak: P-A-I-N!

Barbarian: RRRRRRRRAWRRRRRRRR!!

***
############

***
The barbarian bellows and pushes Mak towards the edge of the cliff. Mak regains his balance, but is cornered with nowhere else to go.

Barbarian Leader: That river’s moving mighty fast. Might we be near a W-O-H-T-A-F-O-H-L?

Mak: A what?

Barbarian Leader: A WATERFALL!

The other barbarians regain their senses and join their leader in surrounding the orcborn.

Barbarian #4: I hope you can swim…and survive a two-foot plunge down a waterfall!

Bryn (male): Two feet? Could you BE any thicker?!

***
############

***
Voice: ALEK!

The headmaster runs downstairs up to Alek.

Alek: What is the matter, Headmaster?

Headmaster: The drakes have escaped from the barn! They are running rampant around campus! They almost tackled the groundkeeper into the pool - and he cannot swim!

Alek: Then we must hurry! Amethyst? Zed? I could use your assistance.

Amethyst: We would be more than happy to assist!

Alek: Then let us go!

The three mages race out of the door.

Headmaster: Good luck to you all!

Alek: Thank you, Headmaster!

Headmaster: I certainly made the right choice by making him an academy master. Oh well, back to sorting paperwork.

The headmaster begins heading upstairs.

***
############

***
Zed: Well, I thought we were going to be chasing gigantic lizards with sharp teeth and claws, not…ducks.

Alek laughs.

Alek: We would not be so careless as to keep reptilian drakes inside a wooden barn on campus grounds, Zed.

Zed: That’s a relief.

Alek: No no, we keep those inside the monster enclosure. That’s it, just over there.

Alek points to a metal building at a far corner of campus grounds, surrounded by a high, jagged-metal fence and a deep moat. Loud roars can be heard from within. Zed squeals.

Zed: Th-That’s less comforting.

Alek: Relax, Zed. No monster has escaped from there in thirty years. And even that was just a minor threat.

Zed: Really?

Alek: Oh, yes. All that dragon did was eat half the animals in the barn and destroy the left side of the dormitories. And the language he used was so…colourful, to say the least. I was two years old at the time, yet I still remember the incident vividly, so there is no need for concern.

A shocked look spreads across Zed’s face.

Amethyst: Uh…why don’t we head inside and have a good meal?

Zed: D-Dragons! I-In the sch-school…

***
############

***
Mak, Emily and Bryn enter the Temple of Marilina. Bryn feels as though he is out-of-place.

Bryn (male): I don’t even revere Marilina. Why did you bring me here?

Mak: You know exactly why, Bryn.

Bryn (male): Oh, it’ll clear itself up eventually.

Mak: Are you absolutely sure?

Bryn (male): Well…not really, no.

Emily: Just speak with the High Priestess. She will do all she can to help.

Bryn (male): Fine…

***
High Priestess: I am afraid there is nothing I can do.

Mak: But what about him?

High Priestess: It will clear up eventually.

Bryn (male): HA! What did I tell you?

***
############

***
Mak: Visiting the Temple of Marilina is never a waste.

Bryn (male): I just hope my buddy Brocc is having the time of his life.

***
Brocc is pursued through a deserted alley by two human thugs wielding big clubs.

Thug #1: I’ll teach you to sing like a screeching elbok!

Brocc: I was just trying to entertain people!

Thug #1: Well it sounded like you were deliberately mocking our voices!

Thug #2: We’ll pound you, you no-good kid!

Brocc: Oh, Thobrun! Where did you go? I need you NOW!

***
Mak: When is Brocc not having the time of his life?

Bryn (male): True…

***
############

***
Kendall and Zed sit on seats facing the headmaster. The headmaster stares at Zed’s right hand for a moment, before snapping back to reality.

Headmaster: Now, what may I do for you gentlemen?

Kendall: We’d like to report a sighting of a monster within the campus walls.

Headmaster: Oh no…the dragon hasn’t escaped from his enclosure again, has he?

A look of horror spreads across Zed’s face.

***
############

***
Brocc: Where’s that hot towel I ordered?

Voice: Hot towel for you, sir?

Brocc turns to face Mak dressed in nothing but underwear, cufflinks and a bowtie, a towel draped over his arm.

Brocc: Thank you, butle-WHOA! For the love of Midiora, put some clothes on or something!

A gigantic wave splashes over Brocc.

Brocc: GAH! I’m soaked! This outfit cost me 500 gold! It’s ruined!


***
Water splashes onto Brocc again, causing him to stir.

Voice: Are you alright? You’re babbling about citrus stars and hot owls…

Brocc: Ungh…500 gold…

Voice: Oh, thank goodness! I thought you’d never awaken!

Brocc looks up and sees a beautiful young woman standing over him.

Brocc (charismatic): Well, I’m feeling much better, thanks to your helpful assistance.

Girl: Oh, that is good news. Please, come back to my place and I’ll give you a good breakfast.

Brocc (charismatic): Oh, rescue AND breakfast? You’re really being too generous. We should…let our emotions blossom first. But if you insist…

Girl: Oh, I do insist. My new husband is a fantastic chef.

Brocc (charismatic): Well, that is rather…uh…d-did you say “husband”?

The girl smiles.

Girl: Oh, yes. I’m sure he’d be happy to cook a meal for a poor, hungry boy such as yourself.

A blank expression quickly emerges on Brocc’s face.

Brocc: Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-

***
############

***
Laura runs up to the two “detectives”.

Laura: There you are! Zed, there is a matter of-

Kendall (raised voice): MASTER STORMSHROUD WAS FRAMED!

An elderly woman walks down the hallway.

Woman: Shh!

Kendall: My apologies, ma’am.

Zed: Isn’t that the librarian?

Kendall: Indeed it is.

Zed: Huh. Now, you wanted something, Laura?

Laura: You must come with me, Zed. It is a matter of urgency.

Zed: It is?

Laura: Indeed. A bright light is emanating from your room.

Zed: A bright light? That could mean…MY EGG IS HATCHING!

The librarian walks past again.

Librarian: Shh!

Zed (soft voice): Sorry…

Laura: Wait, who’s watching the library?

***
The two bullies run around the library throwing books at each other.

Ned: Hey, Kel! Have a taste of My First Alchemy!

Ned throws a children’s book at Kel. Kel dodges it and picks up another book.

Kel: Oh yeah, Ned? Why not try Cantrips for Beginners?

Kel throws the book at Ned. Ned casts magic missile at it, destroying it.

Ned: Haha! Take THAT, cantrips!

Alek’s voice: NEDFORD AND KELBORT! COME HERE AT ONCE!

Ned and Kel sheepishly walk over to Alek.

***
############

***
Brocc stumbles into the temple, gasping for air.

Brocc: I…think I…lost…those…dogs…

Priestess: Oh, welcome to the Temple of Marilina. May I offer you our services?

Brocc: Oh…I don’t…I don’t think…you can…help…I…I’m not…what you…think I-

Priestess: Oh, nonsense! The Temple of Marilina welcomes all. Now, come with me.

Emily: Oh, Brocc! Whatever happened to you?

Brocc: Bad song…thugs…dogs…drakes…five…hundred…gold…

Emily: I will take him off your hands, if you please.

Priestess: Of course, sister. By all means.

Emily and the priestess bow to each other. The priestess calmly walks away. Emily turns back to Brocc.

Emily: Now, let’s get you healed, and you can tell me all about your city-wide escapades.

Bryn pokes his head around the corner.

Bryn (male): Uh…Ems?

Emily: Yes, Bryn?

Bryn (male): The big guy wants to see you.

Emily: Okay, I will be there shortly.

Bryn (male): No prob.

Bryn disappears back around the corner.

Emily: I will have to hear your tale later, Brocc.

Emily bows and walks away.

Brocc: But…you didn’t…heal me yet…

Priest: Oh, my word! You poor young boy! Please, come with me at once!

Brocc: I’m…not young…I’m…an…I-

Priest: Now, now, don’t be shy. I will heal your wounds.

The priest ushers Brocc away from his spot.

Brocc: But…but…

***
############

***
Amethyst sits in a chair reading a book. A frantic knock sounds through the door.

Amethyst: Oh, please enter!

The door suddenly swings open and Zed races inside, closing and locking the door behind him.

Amethyst: Oh, Zed! Is something the matter?

Zed: Alek’s gone berserk! He’s turned the others into thralls! And now he’s coming after me! And he was saying weird stuff about me, too, like I have potential to do…something, and-

Amethyst: Calm down, Zed!

Zed calms down and takes a deep breath, then exhales.

Amethyst: Now, please calmly tell me what has happened.

Zed: Well-

The door suddenly bursts open, revealing Kendall, Ned and Kel.

***
############

***
Alek’s voice: Leave her alone, brother!

A smile spreads across Lillian's face.

Lillian: Ah…at last you have graced us with your presence!

Lillian spins to face Alek and Laura.

Lillian: Alekzander. Always a pleasure to see your face.

Alek: Hello, Lillian.

Lillian (childish tone): Shut up! Don’t tell them my real name!

***
############

***
Amethyst: Actually, it is common for intelligent familiars to take on aspects of their master’s traits.

Bryn (male): You mean that streak of green fur on the cat’s back isn’t fungus?

Brocc: HEY! Tabby has a luscious coat! Her fur is an extension of my OWN…uh…hair.

Bryn (male): Keep telling yourself that, Brocc.

The group laughs.

***
############

***
And now, it's time for today's BONUS SURPRISE ROUND GUEST SPECIAL SECRET FUN CLIP!

***
############

***
An arrow whizzes past Mak’s head.

Bryn (female): Oh, for the love of truffles!

Brent and Sara stand right in the party’s path.

Brent: Hello, Crystalbound.

Sara: Hello, Crystalbound.

Brent glares at Sara.

Brent: I just said that!

Sara: I know, but I wanted to say it too!

Brent: You can’t just take my words like that! I, Brent, have standards, and those standards don’t include some half-witted barbarian stealing my thunder!

Sara! I am not unliterate! And I am not a thief!

Sara points at Bryn.

Sara: THAT is a thief!

Bryn (female): Hey! Don’t go pointing your sausage-finger at me, sister!

Sara: I am not your sister!

Bryn (female): No, it’s a… oh, never mind.

***
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***
THANKS FOR WATCHING!

***
############

***
by TheRealSquigley
on March 22nd 2021, 6:44 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Tales from the ParoD&Dmension: A Parody-Comedy Spin-Completely-Off
Replies: 1
Views: 351

Tales from the ParoD&Dmension: A Parody-Comedy Spin-Completely-Off

Session 0: The Seventh Wheel

***
Webisode 0-1

Scene 1: Roll Call

In a world-

Voice #1: Who said that?!

Hm-hm... In a world-

Voice #1: Are you a g-g-g-g-lich?!

Voice #2: That doesn't... I cannot even-

May I PLEASE finish my introduction already?

Voice #3: Yeah, sure... go ahead, buddy!

Uh... my gender is inconsequential, but-

Voice #2: And yet you assume a deep, heavily masculine inflection?

Voice #1: Wait... he has a disease? He IS a guh-lich!

No, I am not a lich...

Voice #3: Then what ARE you?

I am... the Dungeon Master, and my epithet is "Author of Realms"...

Voice #1: But guh-liches are masters of dungeons...?

Voice #4: As are dragons, my good pal!

Voice #1: Dungeons? In DRAGONS? HA!

Voice #2: Other way around, simpleton...

Voice #1: HEY! My name is RANGER, not SIMPSON!

We hear the slap of a facepalm.

Voice #2: Idiot...

Ranger: RANGER! RAIN... JERRRRRH... uh... I think...

Well then, you've spoiled YOUR name, so let's hear the rest of your names, and we can proceed...

Voice #2: You may call me Wizard. I am an elven-

Wonderful to meet you, Wizard...

Voice #4: Wait... didn't you WRITE her, th-

Next?

Voice #3: I'm Rogue.

Wizard: ...that's it? That is your int-

Next?

Voice #4: Bard's the name, D&D is my game! Hohohoh... Thank you, thank you, you're too ki-

Next?

Voice #5: You may refer to me as "Monk". It is a pleasure, my friends.

Next?

Voice #6: My name is Druid. Delighted to meet each of you.

Ranger: Wait... a druid AND a monk?!

Wizard: One heals our wounds and protects nature, the other uses martial arts techniques in self-defence.

Ranger: Oh, cool... which is which?

We hear another facepalm.

Rogue: Aight, let's get this show on the-

Next?

Rogue: Next? There's no-one else here...

Ranger: She's right...

Wizard: Did you use your superior tracking skills to deduce this conclusion?

Ranger: No, I... hey, are you saying I'm a dumb?!

Wizard: I believe I used none of those words and/or apostrophic contractions.

Ranger: Well, alright then. Hey, you're really nice!

Rogue: HAHAHAHAHA! Are you kidding?!

Ranger: Do I LOOK like a nanny-goat to you?!

Bard: HA! I get it! Most amusing, my good pal!

Alright, let's just get started... the six of you have gathered in a tavern after reading a job listing on a bulletin board...

Bard: What?! Oh, that is SUCH a bog-standard-

***
The party suddenly pops into a dreary swamp.

Bard: -cliché!

Alright then... instead of the Potts' Luck Tavern, you all meet standing knee-deep in the Stun'drrrd Boglands.

Wizard: Fantastic effort, Bard...

Rogue: Way to go, dumdum!

Bard: You don't honestly think that I caused this F-

To be Continued...

***
***
Webisode 0-2

Scene 2: Stun'drrrd Boglands: Morning


Bard: -ABULOUS twist on a tried-and-tired campaign opener, do you? I mean... I honestly would've opened with the classic "five people meet in a tavern" approach... it's sheer genius!

Ranger: But there are SIX of us...

Wizard: Well, looks like SOMEONE'S a genius after all.

Ranger: Aw, thanks, Blizzard!

Wizard facepalms.

Wizard: I verbalised my hypothesis in advance of making a rational decision...

Rogue: Cheer up, babe!

Wizard: Did... you refer to me as-

Rogue: So we're standing waist-deep in a rotten bog-

Ranger: KNEE-deep, Rouge!

Rogue: Hey, speak for yourself, medium-sized humanoid!

Ranger: MEDIUM?! I didn't know I was a sidekick...

Wizard: The fact that you know ANYTHING at all is truly what amazes me most about you, Ranger...

Ranger: Aw, shucks, heheheh...

Druid: Cheer up, everyone! At least we're together, and this place isn't SO bad. Look at these rich, purple orchids and lilies on the waters' surface.

Ranger: Uh... aren't you s'posed to wait for Arthur to narrate that bit?

Actually, idle speech is a free action, and you are welcome to provide your own perspectives on the scenery...

Ranger: Oh, cool! I'm starving... I "see" an ENORMOUS burger in my hands and eat it!

Ranger stares at his hands.

Monk: I believe it does not work that way.

Ranger: Aw, but Druid got half-orcs and lollies!

Wizard: Yes, but she didn't intend to EAT said "orc kids"...

Ranger: Oh, right...

Wizard: Now, would you be so kind as to allow me the courtesy of how to solve this conundrum...?

Rogue: Druid's right, Wiz. This ain't so bad... my cousin lives in a place like this... 'course it's greener, and the water's pure, but same gist!

Ranger: Yeah! I mean... it's not like an even BIGGER problem's gonna suddenly drop from the-

A sudden flash overhead, followed by a loud-

Voice #7: ...aaaaaAAAAAHHHHH!

The source of the scream splashes into the slimy, slick swamp water...

Bard: Oh, snap!

Wizard: You have GOT to be F-

To be Continued...

***
***
Webisode 0-3

Scene 3: Stun'drrrd Boglands: Afternoon


Wizard: -ATEBENDING right now, Ranger... that is a gift that only my people possess...

Ranger: Your... people?

Wizard: Yes, Ranger. My people, the Sssuullllldrnnnnnehylllllrrrrnnn... or as you humans call them, "elves".

Ranger: Oh... then... am I a health elf?

Rogue: You mean "half-elf"?

Ranger: Do I...?

Wizard facepalms.

Wizard: Perhaps it was merely a coincidence...

Druid: Should someone not aid the one who has fallen from beyond the upper veils of Oma?

Rogue: Nah! It's been two minutes, and he hasn't surfaced. No doubt he's-

The being who fell from above suddenly splashes to his feet, drenching everyone but Druid and Bard in murky bog-water...

Ranger: -A GUH-LICH!

Wizard: Ugh... disgusting!

Ranger: Yes, a disgusting, smelly, UH-GUH-LY guh-lich!

Wizard: I was not referring to this CLEARLY STILL LIVING human male...

Ranger: Oh... the splash... so you were referring to-

Wizard: -you, Ranger. Yes, I was referring to you.

Ranger: Hey, don't be mean to Monk!

Rogue: What are you babbling about, Ranger Danger?

Ranger: Wizard just insulted our friend Yu!

Ranger wades to Monk, kicking up multiple pockets of swamp gas trapped in the muddy swamp-bed.

Bard: Oh, my sinuses are ablaze with the STENCH of-

Ranger: Stop being mean, everyone!

Ranger places his hands on Monk's shoulders.

Ranger: Don't worry, Yu, 'cos you got a friend in me.

Monk: Your kindness, whilst unnecessary, is greatly appreciated, and will not soon be forgotten.

Monk bows. Ranger attempts a similar bow, though clumsily knocks his forehead on a gnarled tree branch.

Ranger: OW! My Ajna...

Ranger rubs between his eyebrows.

Voice #7: Uh... I have a question...

Everyone looks at the stranger, who is dressed in clothing from our world, and isn't drenched in bog-water for some reason.

Druid: Of course, gentle stranger. What is your question?

The stranger clears their throat.

Voice #7: Could someone PLEASE tell me what the F-

To be Continued...

***
***
Webisode 0-4

Scene 4: Stun'drrrd Boglands: Evening


Voice #7: -ART-LIKE STENCH in the air happens to be?! Phew!

Bard: Oh, Ranger kicked up a few pockets of swamp gas whilst consoling Monk.

Voice #7: Okay, that's fair...

Wizard: I was certain you were about to enquire as to your dramatic entrance into the surrounding locale.

Voice #7: Well, I-

The stranger looks around.

Voice #7: Hey, now that you mention it...

Druid: What is your name, gentle soul from above the clouds?

Voice #7: Oh, uh... Lock. I'm Lock. And it's called Seattle.

Ranger: What is?

Lock: The place I'm from is... Seattle.

Ranger: You're from the MOON?! Hey, so is Druid!

Wizard: What on Earth are you-

Ranger: Not "Earth", Wizard... "Moon"! MOOOOOOO-NNNNNNNUH... uh... I think...?

Rogue: As you can see, he isn't exactly "schooled".

Druid: Why do you assume I am a lunar being, Ranger?

Ranger: Because you said you're from a circus on the Moon!

Wizard facepalms.

Wizard: "Circle of the Moon", imbecile...

Ranger: Whatever. Hey, is it anywhere near Satellaview?

Lock: Uh... this is a pretty weird LARP, you guys...

Rogue: Eh, you get used to 'em, Locky.

Bard: Indeed! And I must say your warlockery is most impressive to be able to flash yourself here at 1st-level!

Lock: Uh... thanks? I assume we're in the Everglades or something...?

Monk: In fact it is the Stun'drrrd Boglands.

Lock: Oh, a Magic-themed LARP, eh? Does that make me a newly-sparked Planeswalker or something?

Rogue: The *fart* is a "Planeswalker"...?

Lock: And what's the setting? Dominaria? Innistrad? Ooh, Ulgrotha?!

Wizard: Realmslandia, actually...

Lock: "Realmslandia"...? So homebrew, then...

Rogue: Oh, you bet! I have my own multipurpose distillery in my-

You suddenly sense an ominous presence nearby...

Lock: Oh, is the Dungeon Master hiding in the scenery or something?

Ranger: No, he's just a disembodied voice floating around us... and possibly THROUGH us...

Rogue: Well... THAT'S disturbing...

Bard: Not as disturbing as THIS, my good pal!

Rogue: Huh? What do you me-

You look up at an intimidating figure... a knight donned in the sturdiest ebony armour, forged from pure adamant... riding a nightmare of the deepest ebony coat, and deep violet mist billowing along its neck, hooves and rump...

Ranger snickers.

Ranger: "Rump"...

Knight: SILENCE!

Bard trembles.

Knight: I know both who and what you are, Eternal Seekers of the Order of the Treasured MacGuffin!

Lock: Uh... the what?

The Knight looks in Lock's direction.

Knight: And I am here to stop you

Lock nervously points to their chest.

Lock: Uh... m... m-

Ranger: Him?

The Knight looks at Ranger.

Knight: ALL OF YOU! Tremble before the Might of-

Rogue: Oh... for F-

To be Continued...

***
***
Webisode 0-5

Scene 5: Stun'drrrd Boglands: Night


Rogue: *BLEEP*'s sake! WHY does this happen EVERY *BLEEP* TIME?!

Bard: Uh... tradition?

Wizard: Well, you would know, since you're the bard, Bard.

Ranger: Wait... Bard is a SHEEP?!

Bard: Why do you assume that, my good pal?

Ranger: Because Wizard just spoke to you in Sheepish! "Baa baa" is a common phrase in that language, but you already know that, baa baa...

Bard: I'm afraid you're mistaken, for in fact I am-

Rogue: -a bird!

Ranger: Actually, it's pronounced "BAHHHHH-RRRRRUHRRRRR-DUHHHHH... uh... what was the question again?

Bard: Actually, she's right. I am a bird... and now I see the irony of being a bird bard named Bard Byrd...

Lock: Well, your prosthetics are impressive! They must've taken HOURS to apply!

Bard: Um... thank you, my good-

Knight: Uh... HELLO? Are you not forgetting something here?!

Ranger: Just a minute, random NPC...

Knight: Random? NPC?! Are... you cannot be serious!

Rogue: You're not wrong...

Ranger: Yeah! I'm never not serious!

Wizard facepalms.

Wizard: How many times have I told you to watch your grammar...?

Ranger: For the last time, Wizard, my Grandma is NOT a dire wolf!

Wizard: I wasn't calling HER a dire WOLF, I was calling YOU a dire BORE...

Ranger: Hey, I LOVE roasted boar! My favourite bit is the apple... mmm...

Knight: Huh. I was certain you would be more of a challenge... nonetheless, I have a role to perform, so let's get it done, and you can be on your way.

Bard: Do you not mean, "I can be on MY way"...?

Knight: It... that is what I stated. "You can be on your way"... how is that not difficult to grasp?

Bard: Oh... I thought you meant... n-never mind. I'll be off then, my good pal. Toodlepip!

Bard leaves the area.

Rogue: Hey, how come HE gets to leave, but we DON'T?!

Knight: Oh, you'll all have your turn.

Lock: Oh, crap! Has everyone rolled initiative already?! I-I don't... I don't have my dice... oh, I must've dropped-

Knight: Between your side and that of my master, the plot requires an equal balance of "straight ones" and "dysfunctional misfits".

Ranger: Hey, did you just call some of us "dense trustfall nitwits"?!

Wizard: No doubt which of the two you happen to be...

Knight: According to my Intel, your group has too many human straight ones.

Ranger: Oh no... you leave Druid out of this!

Druid: But... I am not a human, Ranger.

Ranger: Of course not! You're a human druid, Druid!

Rogue: CAT druid, Ranger.

Ranger: Wait, so... you're a multiclass druid-ranger, Druid?

Wizard: What on Moon are you-

Ranger: Who's also a cat?

Rogue: Well... at least you got SOME of it right...

Knight: Alright, this is getting agonisingly tedious. I'll just pick one of you at random.

The Knight points their sword back-and-forth from Monk to Lock.

Knight: Eeny-meeny-miney-YOU.

A bolt of dark energy fires from the sword at Lock.

Lock: Oh, cool effect!

Rogue: Why isn't he trying to avoid-

Just as the bolt reaches Lock, it suddenly flings left and punches into Monk's chest.

Monk: Oof!

Rogue: Never mind... uh... I-I mean... WHAT THE *BLEEP*?!

Monk is surrounded by a bubble of dark energy.

Lock: Whoa, your DM must have a HUGE campaign budget!

Wizard: Are you absolutely certain that Lock is a straight one?

Knight: Yes. In fact, Lock is now the only human straight one in your party.

Druid: But... what have you done to Monk?

The bubble suddenly pops, revealing a brown monkey wearing Monk's gi.

Wizard: I believe your question is answered, Druid.

Ranger: Hey, yeah! Monk's been teleported away and replaced by a monk-

The monkey screeches and leaps at Ranger's head, pulling at his hair and ears.

Monkey: Ooo-ooo-HAH-HAH-HAH! (etc.)

Ranger: AAH! AAH! MONKEYONMYHEAD! MONKEYONMYHEAD!

Rogue: Aw, looks like you have a new friend, Ranger...

Ranger: Hey, yeah... I have an actual animal companion! After all these years, I'm FINALLY a real-

The monkey knocks Ranger's forehead with a coconut.

Ranger: Ow, my Ajna!

Knight: Well, my work here is done...

The Knight vanishes in a swirl of violet mist, a chilling horse whinny echoing in the air, followed by a glittery sparkle and harp chord.

Wizard: So... now what?

Bard's voice: Hey, come on, everyone! There's a Kakadurudurudu Fried Cockatrice over here, with 24-hour dine-in and unlimited refills!

Rogue: Ooh, sweet!

Wizard: You had me at, "unlimited refills", my pal...

Everyone leaves the water... except Lock, who stands there, eyes widened and stunned.

Lock: ...what the F-

NEXT TIME: The Soiled MacGuffin
by TheRealSquigley
on February 2nd 2021, 5:30 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: The "Who's That Pokémon?" Game
Replies: 44
Views: 2017

The "Who's That Pokémon?" Game

Another hint, you ask? Well, sure. Why not? (No, that isn't the hint. This is not Wynaut! Razz )

#2: A major character in the Pokémon anime welcomed one to their party. The Trainer in question was introduced in the first season, though they didn't acquire this Pokémon until much later.
by TheRealSquigley
on December 10th 2020, 4:10 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Octokid Shorts: A Fan-Fiction Spin-Off Webseries by BlueRangerJack
Replies: 1
Views: 395

Octokid Shorts: A Fan-Fiction Spin-Off Webseries by BlueRangerJack

Octabby Shorts: Nya-Nya-Nya-Nya Nyanyanyanya
AKA “The O’Kitty Nyanvasion” Mini-Episode”
Spoiler:
by armerocks
on October 19th 2020, 12:10 pm
 
Search in: PS4 PSN Reviews
Topic: Final fantasy crystal chronicles remastered review
Replies: 1
Views: 338

Final fantasy crystal chronicles remastered review

Final Fantasy crystal chronicles remastered review ps4

Well then fellow crystal caravanners let us begin this review. First let me tell you about this game, it originally came out on GameCube in 2003 and now it was remastered for the ps4,switch and mobile devices. This game is a spin-off of the final fantasy series, the game features many new gameplay elements previously unseen in Final fantasy games like real time fighting, as well as being the first RPG to incorporate GameCube-Game Boy Advance compatibility. However the problem with the multiplayer was that back in GameCube you could only play multiplayer using up to 4 game boy advance with link cables and each Gameboy would have a specific feature like a map, treasure radar, enemy radar and enemy info. Now instead you can play online and cross-play with all 3 versions. Back then me and my brother used to play this all the time and it is a really unique game.

The setting of the game is in a world filled with miasma, were only a few places are livable thanks to a crystal that purifies the miasma. Unfortunately, the crystal loses its power after a year so each village or town sets out a group of people called the crystal caravanners. The role of these caravanners is to look for a tree that provides a drop of “myrth” that they will carry in a chalice that has a tiny bit of the crystal to protect them. This Myrth is what keeps the crystal power shinning and without it, it would lose its power and be lost forever. Now this game has a lot of lore which are hidden within the various random cutscene you get in the game as well as info inside the dungeons you venture into. You will learn what causes the miasma, what the drops of myrthactually are and the reason why they give the crystal power.As you continue your journey and see many cutscene you collect memories which are very important to the story so I wont spoil to much, for every dungeon and every cutscene you gain a memory which is then written down in your journal, which is essential the title of the game the chronicle.

The way the game work is you will be going into dungeons and fight monster and a boss in order to get to the myrth tree in order to get a drop of myrth, for every 3 drops you get a year passes in the game. As the year progress more events unlock, and new dungeons become available as well as more options for crafting equipment. Now when you begin the game you first need to make your character, this games as 4 different tribes, the clavats that have even stats in attack power, defense and magic, however they are the only clan that can use shields to block physical attacks so they tend to have more def. The selkies are agile and are more focused on short-mid range attacks and while they cannot block then can do an evade flip backwards, they do have similar magic power as clavats. The lilties are a tribe of warrior they excel in attack power and are mostly short range but they can attack quicker, they also have fair amount of def but lack a lot in magical power. The last tribe are the yukes, this tribe excels in magic power and can cast magic much faster than the rest of the tribes however they are more used for long range or support due to their poor defense.

In this game you can make up to 8 characters the reason for this is because in the village you start in there are 8 different professions or jobs. 4 of them have a main purpose but the other 4 are not as important. Lets start with the important one.

#1 merchant

As you progress in the game because your family is merchants the more the family is happy the more discounts you get at their shop which is essential for rare materials for end game gear that only they can sell that normally would be very expensive.

#2 tailor

The tailor family is the one that helps you craft accessory such as a ring to protect you from poison or certain elements etc. As the years progress, they become able to craft even better accessories.

#3 blacksmith

The blacksmith family as you can imagine helps you make weapons and armors for your characters and like the others as game progresses, they will be able to craft better gear.

#4 alchemist

The alchemist family is one of the most important jobs. You see the alchemist provides you 1 scroll each year. The scroll are what you use in order to craft weapons armors and accessories, while you can still get scrolls in dungeons there are some scrolls only the alchemist can give you, like the invincibility ring that requires at least 12 years to pass in the game for the family to provide you with the scroll.



The other 4 jobs:

Now the other 4 jobs that are not as usefull are the ranch, farmer, fisher and miller. The reason why these 4 are not as useful is because the only thing they provide is just food that you may not get in dungeons. The food is used to recover health fast without the use of magic but there so many food dungeons drops they really don’t make much difference.



Now as for how magic work in this game, unlike your typical final fantasy game this one does not use MP. It uses orb called magicites that drop within every dungeon. The magic they provide are fire, ice, thunder, cure, clear and raise. Now this magicite disappear after each dungeon however there are rings you can obtain in this game that lets you use their magic at any time by equipping them. There also fusion magic like curaga, haste, slow, gravity, holy, fira, firaga, blizara, blizzaga, thundera and thundaga. If you are playing in single player mode you can combine these magicites or rings to create these fusion spells however if you are playing in multiplayer mode you can only fuse them by making other character combine their magic using the casting circle and overlapping one another.

Now there are ways to use gravity, holy and meteor without having to fuse magic. But it can only be done after getting the rings in post content because these 3 rings were not in the original game.

Now as for the progression of your character unlike normal final fantasy games there is no lvl up system in this game. Instead you collect artifacts from dungeons that permanently boost your stats. So in order to get stronger you have to repeat dungeons and collect the artifacts to power up as well to get materials to make stronger gear. There are a total of 79 artifacts which are divided between attack power, defense power, magic power, extra heart, extra item slot and the rings to perform magic at any time.



Now that we have covered the most basic details lets get to the new contents added in the remastered, aside from graphics looking more clear and beautiful they have added voice acting to all the cutscenes and to some npc in the town as well as your own characters. Originally the only voice acting was the narration you get of every dungeon when you entered it. The voice is actually quite nice and I think gave the game more passion for it. Another new content that was added were the mimic system which allows you character to transform into one of the npc’s of the game however you need to be the same gender and tribe of that npc in order to transform. There are also dlc of different crystal chronicles npc that you can purchase as well but make sure your character can use it before buying.

Another thing they added for single player is a storage in the main village, originally you could not trade items to your other characters unless you had someone else to assist you. But now you can use storage to trade items between your characters. They have also added 13 hard dungeons. Now the game originally has 13 dungeon and the hard dungeons are the same 13 dungeons however they are much harder and look different for example there’s a dessert map and its during the day, in the hard dungeon its during the night and the monster are different and much stronger, not to mention more of them at once and they can cast spells like slowaga, stop, thundaga etc. needles to say it’s quite the challenge.



Ok now lets address the online feature, which is the main reason why I’m making this review because I’ve seen way to many people give poor reviews for this amazing game all because they only look for the bad things in the game.

Now in the original game as I’ve said before you could play up to 4 players and they would journey with you to dungeons towns and cutscenes however in the remastered sadly due to the developers deciding to make the game cross-play they removed the feature of you being together all the time in the game and instead only allowing multiplayers within dungeons. Now while I feel this was a bad decision is really not as bad as everyone is making it out to be.

The way the multiplayer was set up was that only the host would progress, meaning that only the host would get the drop of myrth and the letters. Here is where most of the complains have come, they are upset that only the host progress in story however what people seem to forget is that while in the original everyone progressed, it was because there was only 1 host, the person who actually owned the game. Because the GameCube version there was two ways to play multiplayer you could create a character from scratch or load saved character from another memory card into the already made game. However nowadays that is no longer possible because one, home consoles don’t have memory card slots and save files are account locked meaning you can’t add a character from a different acc into another.

Another thing that people are forgetting is that this is a dungeon crawler type game meaning that even if they have to host 4 times one for each person( assuming you have 4 friends playing, I couldn’t convince anyone to play with me so I went solo) to progress story, you lose nothing by doing those multiple host, because in order to get the artifact to strengthen your character you have to do dungeons multiple times so really you aren’t really losing anything by doing host 4 times, also the story for this game is not even that long you could pass it in 2 or 3 days if you played whole day and only did dungeon once or twice. It be hard but it possible to pass the game even alone with bare minimum if you have lots of phoenix down.

Now another feature of the online is how matchmaking works. There’s 3 ways to do it first is hosting, you choose what dungeon you want to do and you can either invite a friend or wait for randoms to enter. The second option is to look for someone hosting a specific map or all map. And the 3rd option is to enter fast matchmaking which enter any random map of anyone hosting. Now in order to add a friend there is two ways, one is to click on “follow” on a player after you finish a dungeon and if both follow each other they get added to friend list, or you can manually provide a FC to someone and they can add you but the friend code changes every 30 minutes however after following someone you no longer need the friend code, when hosting you just look for friend in friend list and invite them and they get an invite. People misunderstood this feature and think you need a friend code every 30 min to play as a group.



Pro:

1. Single player was improved a lot and even has a storage to change items between your character so if have strong armor and want to start a new character you can give him your main characters armor as long as it’s not a tribe only gear and u using a different tribe

2. Multiplayer is cross platform so you can play with switch, ios, android and ps4 users.

3. It has a free lite version that can play about 85% of the game if you join someone who has the full game you only cant do final dungeon or access to post game content.

4. Has 13 more dungeons than the original.

5. Added voice acting

6. Has amazing music, one of the best music in a final fantasy game.

7. Can join any dungeon at anytime.

8. You can join any dungeon of any cycle as long as you have progressed the necessary amount in the story.

Cons:

1. Only host can progress in story ( but again it really not a big deal)

2. Can only join someone in dungeons not in the world map like original

3. Cannot enter moogle house in multiplayer ( its not a big deal but a rather silly thing to do)

4. Have to change host to progress story if you are progressing along side friends. ( but again its not a big deal you need multiple entries on same dungeon anyway.)



I rate this game an 8.5 out of 10. It would have been a 10 out of 10 if they didn’t limit groups to just dungeon and that only host gets progression even for just the mail part of the game.
by TheRealSquigley
on September 17th 2020, 6:04 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. I - An Abridged Meta-Parody... thing... by "The Author"
Replies: 18
Views: 742

Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. I - An Abridged Meta-Parody... thing... by "The Author"

Episode 6: The Archetypal Evil Twin, Part II

Scene 1: Headmaster’s Office: Stormshroud Academy: Early Afternoon

Headmaster Stormshroud sits in his chair, reading a heavy book.

Headmaster: Ooh, this is getting juicy!

The doors suddenly burst open, revealing Ned and Kel.

Kel: *BEEP* IS THE HALF-BLOOD *BEEP*!

Headmaster: How DARE you spoil such a big plot twist! Just WHO the Brocc do you think you ARE?!

Kel: HAHAHA! I AM THE GREAT BUTTHOLIO, MASTER OF SPOILING PLOTS AND DISAPPOINTING FANS!

Ned: AND I'M HELPING!

Ned and Kel’s eyes flash bright blue once. The two students walk over to Headmaster Stormshroud and hold him down by the shoulders.

Headmaster: What are you doing?! Unhand me at once!

Buttholio: BRYN IS ACTUALLY A GIRL!

Helping: HAHAHA! GOOD ONE, BUTTHOLIO!

Headmaster: No! No more spoilers, PLEEEEEASE!

Alek’s Voice: Aw, is someone on a no-spoiler diet?

Alek walks into the office and approaches the desk.

Headmaster: Oh, Alekzander. Thank goodness! Tell these no-good ruffians to unhand me!

Buttholio: AMETHYST IS ACTUALLY A LUMINELV!

Headmaster: And tell them to stop spoiling the entire season while you're at it!

Alek: Oh, I would, but you see... I'm not actually Alekzander.

Headmaster: Oh. Well then... never mind.

Alek: What? Is that all I'm gonna get after spoiling my identity?

Headmaster: That was a spoiler?

Alek: How... how DARE you?! That was EASILY as big a spoiler as THIS Broccing student could ever give you!

Buttholio: EMILY IS ACTUALLY THE DAUGHTER OF LORD AND LADY SUMMERSHIRE!

Headmaster Stormshroud’s eyes widen.

Headmaster: No! No more spoilers! I simply cannot handle it!

Alek: Aw, why can't you react in that way to MY spoilers?! I WANT A SURPRISING REACTION!

Headmaster: You want a what-now?

Alek: GAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

***
Opening Credits

***

Scene 2: Hallway: Stormshroud Academy: Early Afternoon

Zed, Laura and Kendall head towards Headmaster Stormshroud’s office.

Zed: So... just how badly could those two be treating Headmaster Ukulele? I mean, it's not like they're spoiling the entire plot of the series, is it?

The gang hear him cry out and race inside. Alek has his arm outstretched, his hand glowing with blue energy and aimed at Headmaster Stormshroud, who is suspended in mid-air. Ned and Kel stand nearby, their faces lacking in expression.

Buttholio: BROCC'S PET CAT IS ACTUALLY-

Headmaster: NO! NO! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!

Zed: Whoa... I never thought ANYONE could be so... so... chaotic neutral!

Kendall snarls at Alek.

Kendall: Rarrr? Ror arr roo rrrnr? Arr ry roo rrr rerr rorrirr ryrr rorrerrrrr?! (Master? What are you doing?! And why do you smell nothing like yourself?!)

Alek loses concentration, dropping Headmaster Stormshroud. Time seems to slow down as Laura throws a feather into the air.

Laura: “Generic Floaty Spell!”

Time seems to return to normal as Laura points her wand at Headmaster Stormshroud, who gently floats to the ground.

Headmaster: Oh... I KNEW that fifteenth chocolate biscuit was a mistake... *BORPP*

Alek slowly turns to face Kendall.

Alek: Oh, what an ADORABLE puppy! I wanna play with it and cuddle it and take it for walks and-

Kendall: Grr... RAFF! RAFF-RAFF!

Alek: Aw, so cwoote, it finks it's people!

Laura: Okay, just WHAT is going on, Master Stupi- I mean... Master Stormshroud?

Zed: Actually, I think it's pronounced, "Stupidsteve".

Alek: Well, Laura, what do you THINK is going on?

Laura: ...pardon?

Everybody stares at Alek.

Alek: Am I speaking in Koblish or something? What. Do. You. Think. Is-

Headmaster: Oh, for Brocc's SAKE! We ALL heard what you said, L-

Alek turns to face Headmaster Stormshroud.

Alek: “Generic Muting Spell!”

Headmaster Stormshroud loses the ability to speak.

Alek: We can't have my real identity being spoiled yet, now can we?

Buttholio: THIS IS ACTUALLY ALEKZANDER'S TWIN BROTHER, LILLIAN!

Kendall: RARR! ("GASP!")

Lillian: Aw, why did you have to go and spoil my real identity?! I WANTED TO DO IT!

Buttholio: THIS IDIOT'S REAL NAME IS ZANDER!

Lillian looks at Laura.

Lillian: No it isn't, it's Laura Goldenclaugh.

Laura: What?!

Buttholio: I WAS TALKING ABOUT THE GINGER FREAK IN THE DOORWAY!

Zed: Wait... there's a ginger freak in this doorway?

Lillian looks at Zed.

Lillian: He was talking about YOU, you freak!

Lillian continues to stare at Zed.

Lillian: Say, how would you like to help me spoil the entire plot of this series?

Zed: Uh… lolnope.

Zed races out the room.

Lillian: You can't run from me! I'll chase you across this entire universe if I must!

Buttholio: ZANDER'S ACTUALLY FROM A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE!

Lillian holds his hand in the air, enveloping Kendall and Laura in a blue light. Their eyes flash once, and their expressions disappear.

Lillian: Okay, everyone, time to catch the freak!

Thralls: Catch the freak…

Lillian and the thralls leave the room in pursuit of Zed …except Laura, who snaps out of Lillian's control.

Laura: Wait… why did Master Stormshroud remember my name...? Gasp! That must have been an imposter!

Laura’s eyes briefly glow with white light.

Laura: Oh! I must warn the REAL Master Stormshroud, despite not knowing where to find him!

Laura leaves the room and runs down a different hallway.

Scene 3: Temple of Marilina: Early Afternoon

Brocc stumbles into the temple, gasping for air.

Brocc: I... I... did I win...?

Priestess: Oh, welcome to the Temple of Marilina. Are you competing in the marathon?

Brocc: I... I... did I win...?

Priestess: Why, you most certainly have!

Emily: Oh, Brocc! How did you do?

Brocc: I... I... did I win...?

Emily: Shall I take him for his post-race physical?

Priestess: Of course, sister. By all means.

Emily and the priestess bow to each other. The priestess calmly walks away. Emily turns back to Brocc.

Emily: Okay, let's get you refreshed for the awards ceremony.

Bryn pokes her head around the corner.

Bryn: Is he back?

Emily: Yes, Bryn. I'm pleased to announce that Brocc has placed 1st in the Back Alley Marathon.

Bryn: Oh, for Brocc's sake... I bet 100 Axian Dollars AGAINST him! Thanks for nothing, Fartsnot!

Brocc: I... I... did I win?

Emily: Okay, Bryn, let's take you for your gender therapy session, even though you do not actually need it.

Bryn: I keep telling you, I DO. I really, really do...

Bryn disappears back around the corner.

Emily: I apologise, Brocc. You know what Bryn is like.

Emily bows and walks away.

Brocc: I... I... did I win?

Scene 4: The Arbour Beast Tavern: Mid Afternoon

Alek sits in a chair in the tavern drinking a mug of water. Two men at a nearby table talk amongst themselves.

Man #1: I am not unliterate.

Man #2: I am not unliterate.

Alek groans.

Alek: Since when do barbarians venture within taverns? For that matter, since when do they venture within CITIES?

The man looks at Alek.

Man #1: I am not unliterate!

Alek: A full scholarship? Well... my sincerest congratulations to you both.

Laura runs into the tavern and looks around. She spots Alek and runs up to him.

Laura: Master Stormshroud! An imposter of you is spoiling the entire plot of this series and remembering that I exist!

Alek: Who are you? Why should I trust-

Laura: Come ON! It's a miracle I happened to find you in the first place I looked.

Alek swallows the last mouthful and stands up. He faces the two men.

Alek: I wish you both well in your educational endeavours.

Alek and Laura run swiftly out of the tavern. The two men turn to face each other again.

Man #2: I am not unliterate.

Man #1: I am not unliterate.

The two men grunt and nod once, before taking a mouthful from their mugs.

Scene 5: Amethyst’s Quarters: Stormshroud Academy: Mid Afternoon

Amethyst sits in a chair reading a book. A frantic knock sounds through the door.

Amethyst: Oh, THERE'S my pizza!

The door suddenly swings open and Zed races inside, closing and locking the door behind him.

Amethyst: Oh... I mean... Sacre bleu! Zed! Is something the matter?

Zed: You have a tinge of disappointment in your-

Amethyst: Well, wouldn't YOU be disappointed if YOUR pizza was two days behind schedule?!

Zed: Wow, SOMEONE'S hangry, aren't they? Uh... no disrespect intended.

Amethyst: Sigh... it's quite alright. Now, what troubles you, Cher Apprenti?

Zed calms takes a deep breath, then exhales.

Zed: You know when people blurt out spoilers for no benevolent reason?

Amethyst: Of course. Mar- I mean... an old confidante of mine spoils things on a regular basis. Why do you ask?

Zed: Well-

The door suddenly bursts open, revealing Kendall, Ned and Kel.

Thralls (continuous): Catch the freak…

The thralls approach Zed. Zed starts to panic again.

Lillian’s Voice: Tag! You're it!

Lillian walks into the room.

Zed: Uh... I don't think that's how you're supposed to play it, Master Stupidsteve...

Lillian: Really? That's how the REAL Alek told me it was played... unless he simply didn't want to make physical contact with me... oh, I WANT HIM TO PLAY FAIRLY WITH ME!

Amethyst: Alekzander! What are you doing?!

Lillian: I'm not Alek! I'm his twin brother Lillian!

Amethyst: Don't be silly, Alekzander! You would never spoil such a big plot twist!

Lillian: But I'm DOING it right NOW!

Amethyst: I know my friend, and he would never perform such an atrocious act!

Lillian slowly shifts to a stern emotion.

Lillian: So you believe that Alekzander would never spoil the plot, yet you also believe that he would blatantly lie about spoiling it, despite the fact that spoilers and lies are equally atrocious?

Lillian starts pacing from side to side.

Lillian: But if that's the case, and I'm not the real Alek, then by spoiling the plot I am, in fact, telling the truth, which is doing something atrocious that is somehow honest, and thus not something an "evil" twin would do... aw, I DON'T WANT TO TELL THE TRUTH!

Amethyst: Well, if you're not Alekzander, then who are you?

Lillian: Would you believe his evil twin?

Amethyst: Oh, please. That is such a cliché.

Lillian stops pacing and stands facing Amethyst, carefully examining her.

Lillian: Clearly you need convincing. Buttholio?

Buttholio: AMETHYST IS ACTUALLY THE DAUGHTER OF A LUMINELV NOBLE!

Lillian: There! NOW do you believe me?

Amethyst: You... didn't exactly prove anything you stated about yourself.

Lillian: Aw... I WANT SOMEONE TO BELIEVE I'M ALEK'S EVIL TWIN!

Alek’s voice: Ah, Lillian, my evil twin!

A smile spreads across the imposter’s face.

Lillian: See? See? I TOLD you!

Lillian spins to face Alek and Laura.

Lillian: Alekzander! Tell them I'm your evil twin!

Alek: I'm your evil twin!

Lillian: No, I'M the evil twin!

Alek: No, I'M the evil twin!

Lillian: Will you just STOP COPYING ME?!

Alek: Will you just STOP COPYING ME?!

Amethyst: You cast generic mirror illusion spell, didn't you?

Lillian: N-No...

Alek: N-No...

Amethyst: "Generic dispel spell!"

"Alek" vanishes.

Amethyst: You were saying?

Lillian: Look, I really AM Alek's evil twin, alright?

Amethyst: Oh, Alekzander, give it up. You can't fool me!

The real Alek runs into the room.

Alek: Sorry, everyone. I got lost in the secret labyrinth underneath the sch-

Lillian: See? I TOLD you! NEENER NEENER NEE-NER!

Alek: Why must you always behave like such a childish brat?

Lillian: Aw... I AM NOT A CHILDISH BRAT!

The headmaster runs into the room.

Headmaster: Someone stop him! He keeps spoiling the best bits of the story!

The headmaster looks at everybody.

Headmaster: Why is everyone staring at me like that?

Alek: Who exactly are you?

Headmaster: Why, I am your grandfather, of course!

Alek stares blankly.

Alek: ...doesn't ring a bell, I'm afraid.

Zed looks at Laura. Laura looks back at Zed.

Zed’s thoughts: I wonder what kind of shampoo she uses…

Laura’s thoughts: It's an exotic blend of Kisetsuese cherry blossom and Archaelian fruits...

Zed's thoughts: Wait... you can hear my thoughts...?

Laura's thoughts: Apparently...

Zed's thoughts: Whoa... that's cool...

Brocc's voice: Oh boy, this feast is SO good... it's WAY better than-

Zed's thoughts: Brocc...?

Brocc's voice: Zed...? How did you get this number?!

Zed's thoughts: Number...?

Brocc's thoughts: Did Erik give you my number?!

Zed's thoughts: Erik who...?

Brocc's thoughts: Uh... spoilers, sweetie...

Buttholio: ERIK IS ACTUALLY THE-

Ned is knocked unconscious by a cardboard box.

Headmaster: No. More. Broccing. Spoilers. Please.

Amethyst: Aw... my pizza...

***
End Credits

***

Uh... should I keep going with this? It's better to let me know now than leave me to keep foolishly posting a spin-off that no-one likes and/or wants to read...
by TheRealSquigley
on September 16th 2020, 7:50 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. I - An Abridged Meta-Parody... thing... by "The Author"
Replies: 18
Views: 742

Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. I - An Abridged Meta-Parody... thing... by "The Author"

Episode 4: The Obligatory Wizard School, Part II

Scene 1: Illusion Studies: Stormshroud Academy: Morning

Zed is seated at a desk in a classroom surrounded by a number of other students. Two male students of about seventeen years of age talk amongst themselves.

Student #1: Huh huh... huh huh...

Student #2: Heh heh... heh heh...

Student #1: Huh huh... huh huh... check out the new guy... huh huh...

Student #2: Heh heh... heh heh... yeah, he thinks he's a main character or somethin'... heh heh...

The two young men snicker. A female student in her twenties scolds them.

Student #3: So what? At least he's actually DOING something with his life, unlike you two layabouts.

Zed looks at the female student.

Zed’s thoughts: Wow, it's Hermione Granger...

Student #1: Huh huh... huh huh... what's a layabout...? Huh huh...

Student #2: Heh heh... heh heh... I think it's a type of nut loaf... heh heh...

Student #1: Huh huh...

Student #2: Heh heh...

Student #1: Huh huh... you said "loaf"... huh huh...

Student #2: Heh heh... yeah... heh heh...

Student #1: Huh huh...

Student #2: Heh heh...

Alek walks into the classroom, his familiar perched on his shoulder.

Alek: Good morning, class.

Class (except Zed): Good morning, Master Stormshroud.

Zed: Good morning, Master Stormsteve.

Alek sits at his desk.

Alek: We have a new student, Zed Starmute.

Student #1: Huh huh... huh huh... his name is just a letter... huh huh...

Student #2: Heh heh... heh heh... yeah, the letter "moot"... heh heh...

We hear a fart sound.

Zed: Oop... sorry, heheh...

Student #1: Huh huh... huh huh... he just farted... huh huh...

Student #2: Heh heh... heh heh... and he's pronouncing his laugh wrong... heh heh...

Student #1: Huh huh... yeah, it's pronounced "huh huh"...

Student #2: Heh heh... yeah, not "heh heh"...

Student #1: Huh huh...

Student #2: Heh heh...

Alek loses his patience.

Alek: That is it! Both of you, to Headmaster Eugolelias's office, NOW!

Student #1: Huh huh... huh huh... his name sounds like that game with the two weirdoes... huh huh...

Student #2: Heh heh... heh heh... yeah, Banjo-Kazooie... heh heh...

Alek: Out!

The students leave the classroom, closing the door behind them.

Alek: Oh, thank Brocc for that...

The wolfborn next to Zed speaks with a Scooby-Doo-like voice.

Wolfborn: Ruh-roh! Raster Rormroud red a rude rurd! ("Uh-oh! Master Stormshroud said a rude word!")

Zed looks at the wolfborn.

Zed's thoughts: Whoa... a talking Gachamon...

Alek gestures to the wolfborn.

Alek: Apologies, my young apprentice. Those two really get on everyone's nerves...

"Hermione": I agree, Master Stormshroud.

Alek: Who are you...? What are you doing in this class?

Zed: That's Hermione, Master Stormsteve.

Alek: I assure you that there is no Hermoyne in this class, Zed.

"Hermione": You know who I am, Master Stormshroud! Laura? Laura Goldenclaugh? The half-sibling of your wolfborn apprentice, Kendall Silvertooth, who is sitting in the front row next to our new student?

Alek stares blankly for two seconds.

Alek: ...doesn't ring a bell, I'm afraid.

Laura: Oh, for Brocc's sake...

Alek: Now run along to wherever it is you're supposed to be, otherwise you'll be facing a wood elf's week of detention.

Kendall whispers to Zed.

Kendall: Ra rood elf's reek is roo ronths rong. ("A wood elf's week is two months long.")

Zed's thoughts: Whoa... roo whole ronths... that's a LOT of rerention...

***
Opening Credits

***

Scene 2: Campus Grounds: Stormshroud Academy: Early Afternoon

Zed, Kendall and Laura sit on a bench underneath a tree.

Zed: So what were you doing in Master Stormsteve's class, anyway? Did you get to class early and realise it was the wrong one? 'cause it happens WAY more often than I'm willing to admit...

Laura laughs.

Laura: Of course not, Zed. I'm sure Master Stormshroud was just making a joke. After all, his memory is flawless, isn't it Kendall?

Kendall: Uh... roo I roh roo? ("Uh... do I know you?")

Zed: Well, you probably had Herbology or something.

Laura: I think it's more likely that everyone's having a sudden onset case of amnesia.

Zed: Wait... how did you know that, Hermione? Have WE met? I'm sorry I forgot about you...

Kendall: Ree roo... ("Me too...")

Laura: No, no, it was just a joke. No-one on campus actually HAS amnesia.

Zed: I do.

Laura: Oh... I apologise for my insensitivity.

Zed: It's fine. I know you didn't mean it, since I'm not Ron Weasley. Wait... ginger hair...

Zed's thoughts: Could I be...? Nah... Ron doesn't wear Angusteventhalliusimmonatticusius for Men...

Kendall: Ri'm rungry roar rum Renny raKs! ("I'm hungry for some Kenny snaKs!")

Zed: Me too!

The trio begin to head for the dining hall.

Zed’s thoughts: I hope we have fish fingers and custard today... mmm...

Scene 3: Stormshroud Academy: Early Afternoon

Zed, Laura and Kendall proceed towards the dining hall. Zed notices a glow coming from down a hallway.

Zed: Ooh, shiny...

Kendall: Rerry rhiny! ("Very shiny!")

Zed and Kendall begin to proceed down the hallway.

Laura: Oh no... looks like another planar rift leak... well, guess I'd better tell Dad that Kendall's gonna be late for dinner... or early for breakfast last Tuesday...

Laura’s thoughts: Or LITERALLY partying like it's 1999...

Zed and Kendall turn left into another hallway. They see a swath of destruction: paintings crooked, carpeting in shreds and furniture splintered and broken. Deep claw marks line the wooden walls.

Zed: Who could have done this?

We see glowing blue graffiti sprayed on a nearby wall that reads, "LILLIAN ALEKZANDER STUPIDSHROUD WAZ ERE"

Zed: GASP! Kendall, I think Master Stormsteve trashed this hallway!

Kendall: Rat's rimrossirrrrr! ("That's impossibrrrrr!")

Zed: Then how do you explain the graffiti? If he really didn't do it, then why would he foolishly admit to doing it as part of the hallway trashing?

Kendall: Ruh... Ry ron'n roh... ("Uh... I don't know...")

Zed: There's no other explanation. Let's call the police.

Kendall: Rohray. ("Okay.")

Scene 4: Alek’s Office: Stormshroud Academy: Evening

Amethyst and Alek sit on a couch in Alek’s office. The two friends laugh.

Amethyst: Oh, that was hilarious!

Alek wipes a tear from his eye with a gloved finger.

Alek: You really think so?

Amethyst: Oui, oui, Cher Alekzander. A sense of humour so magnifique should be considered a criminal offence.

Three city guards burst into the office.

Guard #1: Alekzander Stupidshroud?

Alek: Yes?

The other two guards approach Alek.

Guard #1: You're under arrest.

The guards grab Alek’s hands and bind them together with handcuffs.

Alek: Oh, come on! It wasn't that bad!

Guard #2: The hallway under the stairs lies in ruins!

Alek: But… it was only a joke...

Guard #3: Yeah? Well, we're gonna make sure your "jokes" don't unwittingly damage heritage listed buildings anymore.

The guards pull Alek from the room.

Alek: NOOOOOOOO!

The guards close the doors. Amethyst stands staring at them in a state of mild shock.

Amethyst's thoughts: Sacre bleu... I should learn to THINK before I think... I think...?

To be Continued…

***
Closing Credits

***
by TheRealSquigley
on September 16th 2020, 7:50 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. I - An Abridged Meta-Parody... thing... by "The Author"
Replies: 18
Views: 742

Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. I - An Abridged Meta-Parody... thing... by "The Author"

Episode 3: The Obligatory Wizard School, Part I

Scene 1: Outside Stormshroud Academy: Late Afternoon

Amethyst and Zed stand at the gate outside the prestigious Stormshroud Academy for Young Mages, an enormous campus nestled within Silveria City’s Mage’s District.

Amethyst: Ah, my old magic academy...

Zed: You mean wizard schoo-

Amethyst: Most certainly not! That is a stereotypical term. It is a MAGIC academy.

Zed: But people who use magic are wiz-

Amethyst: No, mon Cher. Not everyone who uses magic is a wizard.

Zed: Oh... and not every wizard uses magic, right?

Amethyst: Of course they do! Why else would wizards spend decades to master even basic use of magic?

Zed: But... Mr. Steve Newt told me I'm a base magic adept who doesn't need to study.

Amethyst: Yes, but YOU are a main character, and thus are gifted with overpowered talents and abilities that no normal person could even dream of having.

Zed: Because of my plot device?

Amethyst: Oh, Cher Apprenti, your crystal has nothing to do with your overpowered gifts.

Zed: But wasn't IT an overpowered gift from you...?

Amethyst's thoughts: Sacre bleu... why is it always the naïve, absently-minded ones who have grand, life-changing quests beyond rational means...?

***
Opening Credits

***

Scene 2: Entrance Hall: Stormshroud Academy: Late Afternoon

Amethyst, Zed and Alek walk into the entrance hall from outside.

Alek: Welcome to our generic institution for magic. I am Alekzander Stormshroud, Alek to my friends. Your master and I have been friends for many years.

Amethyst: Indeed we have, Cher Alekzander.

Alek: Amethyst, please... after all this time, you more than most have earned the right to call me "Alek".

Amethyst: Merci, Cher Alekzander. I accept your most generous proposition.

Alek: But... you still referred to me as... Oh, never mind.

Zed: It's nice to meet you, Alekzander.

Alek: Now, now, Zed, you should know what to call me, hm?

Zed: Wait... so I get to call you "Alek", too?

Alek laughs.

Alek: My word, no! You may call me "Master Stormshroud", as you are a student of this generic magic school.

Zed: Oh... sorry, Mr. Steve Stormshroud.

Alek: Eh... close enough. Anyway, see that building over there?

Alek points to a metal building at a far corner of campus grounds, surrounded by a high, jagged-metal fence and a deep moat. Loud roars can be heard from within. Zed squeals.

Zed: What was THAT?!

Alek: Oh, nothing of concern. Just our former dragon janitor who went mad and destroyed half the school, forcing us to lock him away, only for him to break out and do the same thing at least twice more ater that.

Zed: And no-one thought to relocate him far, far away from here?!

Alek: Oh... I suppose that could've helped us thirty years ago, when it first happened... any suggestions?

A shocked look spreads across Zed’s face.

Zed: Y-You're asking ME, a complete stranger who's only just arrived at this generic magic school AND probably this universe in general, on where to relocate a dangerously mad silver DRAGON?!

Amethyst: Uh… the colour of Gintamago's scale hasn't been mentioned...

Zed: How about Kobelia? Narnia? Another PLANE? Feel free to choose ANY of those suggestions!

Alek's thoughts: The **** is "Narnia"...?

Scene 3: Temple of Marilina: Late Afternoon

Mak, Emily and Bryn enter the Temple of Marilina. Bryn feels out-of-place.

Bryn: Okay, why are we here?

Mak: You know why, Bryn.

Bryn: I keep telling you, Gazzo's potion flipped my gender!

Mak: Gender is an illusion. You KNOW that.

Bryn: Then HOW do you explain why my-

Emily: Bryn, you must speak to my mentor. She will explain everything.

Bryn: I. HATE. BEING. GENDER. FLIPPED.

***
High Priestess: And that is from whence babies come.

Mak: Wow... I had no idea...

High Priestess: Then how did you think you came into being?

Bryn: HA! You REALLY don't wanna know, ma'am.

Emily: We thank you, High Priestess.

Emily bows. The High Priestess bows right back.

High Priestess: May Marilina bring you and your love a wealth of happiness, love and-

Bryn: Love? Pfft... as if MAK would ever like-like someone in THAT way.

Mak: And how would you know?

Bryn: Y-You're kidding, right? You LITERALLY just thought you were grown out of a head of cabbage.

Mak: So? That's what my teacher Miss Ceras taught me.

Bryn: What, when you were three years old?

Mak: Sh... shut up...

Bryn: And where's Brocc?

Scene 4: Alleyway: Late Afternoon

Brocc is pursued through a deserted alley by two human thugs wielding big clubs.

Brocc: HAHA! I'm gonna win this back alley marathon!

Thug #1: Fat chance!

Thug #2: Yeah, that trophy is MINE!

Brocc: Trophy? I'm doin' this for the years' supply of assorted treats and edibles! YUUUUUUUUM!


Scene 5: Stormshroud Academy: Late Night

Zed is asleep in bed. He is awoken by a small, bright blue orb of light hovering above his bed. The orb floats over to his door.

Zed: Ooh, shiny...

Zed climbs out of bed, puts on his shirt and boots and makes his way over to the door, opening it. The orb floats out of the door and makes its way down the corridor. Zed follows it.

***
The orb floats up to a door labelled “Familiar Studies”. Zed walks up to the door.

Zed’s thoughts: Oh... there's even a class that teaches you how to reverse amnesia... generic magic school is SO awesome...

The door swings open. Zed looks down and sees a tiny blue dragon no taller than his shin on the ground.

Zed: Aw, aren't you just the CUTEST little lightning-breathing menace to good folks everywhere?

Zed hears a familiar voice from within the room.

Voice: Who's there?!

Zed: Uh...

Alek: Oh, Zed. Come in.

Zed: Wait... Mr. Steve Stormshroud?

Zed walks into the classroom. A counter runs along the back wall with five eggs nested on top of it. A large blackboard is mounted on the left wall with the words “Master Stormshroud” and “Familiar Studies” written on it in white chalk.

Alek: Why are you up so late at night?

Zed: Oh, I have insomnia.

Alek: I thought it was called "amnesia"...?

Zed: I have insomnia AND amnesia.

Alek: Ah, I see.

Zed. And something called "chronic procrastination disorder", whatever THAT is...

Alek: I figured you'd be an artist.

Zed: A what?

Alek: N-Never mind. For now, just take one of those eggs to your dorm.

Zed: What is it?

Alek: A nanodragon egg.

Zed: Whoa, for realsies?!

Alek: Yes. At least two-thirds of the major recurring spellcasters in this series each have an exceedingly rare nanodragon familiar, as opposed to more ubiquitous choices such as cats, frogs... uh... some less generic choices...

Zed: "At least two-thirds"...? Seems a bit disproportionate, doesn't it?

Alek: Well, major characters get preferential treatment, do they not?

Zed: Then why is Amethyst's familiar an owl? And why is Mr. Steve Newt's familiar-

Alek: You've... made your point. Alright, off you pop. Take your egg, then back to bed, hm?

Zed: Alright.

Zed leaves the room. Alek closes the door.

Zed: Ooh, shiny...

Zed's thoughts: I sure hope no-one is spying on me through the shadows of this dark hallway...

A mysterious figure lurks in the darkness, watching as Zed heads back to his room.

To be Continued...

***
Closing Credits

***
by TheRealSquigley
on September 16th 2020, 7:49 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. I - An Abridged Meta-Parody... thing... by "The Author"
Replies: 18
Views: 742

Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. I - An Abridged Meta-Parody... thing... by "The Author"

Episode 2: The Seventh Plot Device, Part II

Scene 1: Newt’s Cottage: Morning

Amethyst and Zed are seated in armchairs surrounding a small table. Newt pulls a book from the shelf.

Newt: Ah, this should be a good one...

Newt sits in an armchair and places the heavy book onto the table. He opens it and flips through the pages.

Newt: What the-

Zed: It’s blank.

Newt: I can see that, Zed... lousy inkmites. Now I need to tell you what I remember instead...

Amethyst: About the Empire?

Newt: The what?

Amethyst: The Silverian Empire, Monsieur. It's why you called us here.

Newt: Don't be ridiculous, Amethyst! Silveria isn't an empire, it's a KINGDOM.

Zed: But Mr. Steve Newt-

Newt: Now, now, it's getting late. You best be heading home before it gets dark.

Zed: It's 11AM.

Newt: Now, now, Mister, you know how your mother worries, don't you?

Zed: I don't even remember HAVING one.

Newt: Then where did you think you came from, hm? You wouldn't believe that ridiculous story about how a seahorse brought you here, would you?

Amethyst: How did you-

Newt: Seahorses are a myth, just like elves, mages and the Crystalbound.

Amethyst: But I am all three of those things, Monsieur.

Newt: Oh... that's right...

Zed: So you have no information on the crystals?

Newt: No. If I DID, this page wouldn't be blank-

Words and images suddenly appear on the pages.

Newt: -now would it? Oh... oh, my... this is FAR too overwhelming for my narrow understanding of magic...

Amethyst: But Monsieur, you were my mage instructor. You taught me all I know over the course of 35 years!

Newt: 35 years?! It only took 10 for Alekzander to master it!

Newt's thoughts No WONDER Zed thinks my name is Steve...

***
Opening Credits

***

Scene 2: Town Square: Late Morning

Amethyst and Zed walk past the fountain.

Zed: Well, THAT was no help...

Amethyst: Agreed, mon Cher.

Zed: Well, we should go say goodbye to Mrs.-

Zed suddenly farts. Amethyst giggles.

Amethyst: Trés amusing, mon protégé.

Zed: Sorry, heheh...

Scene 3: Taylor’s Treasures: Late Morning

Zed and Amethyst enter Taylor’s Treasures, the little bell jingling as the door opens and closes.

Zed: Hm... either she's upstairs, or she's at Mr. Steve Newt's house.

Amethyst: How do you know?

Zed: I'm psychic or something. My powers are left deliberately ambiguous to drive the whole "amnesiac hero" trope to its fullest.

Amethyst: Ah, I see.

Zed: Nah, she only ever goes there. My neighbours Steve and Steve swear she goes to the field near my house and watches the sunset-

***
We shift to a view of Mrs. Taylor from behind as she observes the twilight horizon.

***
Zed: -but that's absurd.

Amethyst: You do not think she goes there?

Zed: Nope, only everyone else in town. Every night they throw a wild party in that field, with music so loud that I NEVER get a good nights' sleep.

***
We cut to a view of Zed tossing and turning in his bed as the loud thump of '80s-style music and a gathering of noisy people are heard in the background.

***
Zed: Honestly, it'll be nice to get a decent sleep for once.

Amethyst: About that...

Zed: Well, we should get going, otherwise this episode will run too long.

Amethyst: Agreed. Let's skip ahead to the tavern scene.

Zed: Aw, can't it be a toy shop THIS ti-

Scene 4: The Name Pending Tavern: Afternoon

Amethyst and Zed enter the tavern. Zed looks around and sees a few adventurers sitting at tables. Three human males, presumably fighters, are gathered around a short-bearded dwarf wearing silver armour. The dwarf speaks with a regal English accent.

Dwarf: And THAT'S how I got the world record score in Monkey King!

Fighter #1: Uh... don't you have a Scottish accent in the main series?

Dwarf: Do you honestly think I’d be stupid enough to try doing a Scottish accent when I'm not even the original voice actor?! Us Scottish accent-using types can't stand people trying to use our accent and messing it up!

Fighter #2: Fair enough.

Dwarf: Try to show a little respect, why not?

The dwarf drinks a mouthful of mead from his mug. Amethyst walks over to the dwarf. Zed follows behind.

Amethyst: Good afternoon, Thobrun.

Thobrun: Hello, Amethyst. Is this him?

Thobrun sees Zed standing behind Amethyst.

Zed: A-Actually, my name's not "Him". It's Zed... or Steve. Not sure which.

Thobrun stands up.

Thobrun: Well met, Zed Notshorwich.

Thobrun bows. Zed bows right back.

Thobrun: I'm Thobrun.

Zed: As in Steve Thobrun?

Thobrun cringes slightly.

Thobrun: No, just "Thobrun", of Clan Steelanvil.

Amethyst: I was just going to introduce Zed to the others.

Thobrun: They're already on their way.

Amethyst: Sacre bleu! Couldn't they have waited?!

Thobrun: You know how impatient that "certain someone" gets.

Amethyst: Do you mean Brocc, Bryn or-

Thobrun: Okay, okay, you've made your point...

Zed: They can't have gotten far.

Amethyst: Well, they can keep waiting. The three of us shall use the rooms we have booked. I am, after all, obliged to give my protégé his first good nights' sleep in recent memory.

***
We cut to a view of Zed tossing and turning in bed as loud violin-based folk music and laughing and cheering people are heard in the background.

***
Zed: Good morning!

Amethyst: Ah, you seem bonne! Did you sleep well?

Zed: Not a wink!

Amethyst smiles.

Amethyst: Ah, that is... ahahah... hah... eh.

Zed: It's fine, though. I spent the whole night thinking about how amazing it is that I'm a main character!

Amethyst: Oui oui, I am most confident that we will get it right this time.

Zed: Yeah! Wait... get what right?

Amethyst: Uh... spoilers, sweetie.

Zed: Oh, okay then. Woo!

Amethyst's thoughts: Phew... THAT was close...

Scene 5: En Route to Silveria City: Morning

The party walks along a forested path heading in the direction of Silveria City. Zed speaks to the orcborn.

Zed: I don't believe I got your name...

Orcborn: Really? I already told you eleven times. It's-

Zed: I mean I know the names of Amethyst, Thobrun, Emily, Bryn, Brocc, Brocc's pet cat, that buzzcut-headed guy and his bear companion who are stalking us back there just out of frame and carrying a bunch of stolen and/or broken goods from Mr. Steve Newt's shop...

The orcborn smiles.

Orcborn: You have quite the sense of humour, Zed Steve Starmute from the outskirts of Silvertooth.

Zed: Actually, the town name hasn't been revealed yet...

Bryn: Way to spoil it for the rest of us, dumdum!

Amethyst: Actually, Cher Bryn, I doubt the name of Zed's hometown is too much of a spoiler. Do you not agree, Brocc?

Brocc: Don't ask me, Person-Who-isn't-Actually-a-Wood-Elf. I'm still trying to make sense of the fact that this version of the story is just a stripped down, played-for-laughs abridged version, meaning it isn't exactly spoiler-tight. I mean my whole schtick is breaking the fourth wall, so what exactly is my role in this thing if everyone ELSE is doing it?!

Bryn: Oh, poor baby! At least you weren't gender-flipped by your best friend!

Brocc: Bryn, how many times do I have to tell you? You were NOT gender-swapped! NO potion in ALL the universes even HAS that capability! Any perceptions you have of such a thing having happened to you are ENTIRELY psychosomatic!

Bryn: And how do you know, fart-features?!

Brocc: Because gender is an illusion and everyone has value no matter how they identify. Plus, my family's been in the potions business for over three centuries.

Bryn: Yeah, right! I bet you only said that 'cos-

Thobrun: Both of you stop bickering, OTHERWISE we'll turn this car around and go home!

Brocc: Aw, man... you know, you're really grouchy in this version, Thobrun...

Bryn: He scares me.

Brocc: EVERYTHING scares you! See those barbarians over next to that sign?

Bryn: You mean THAT sign?

Bryn points to a sign with the words “TOLL RODE” crudely written in black paint.

Brocc: Well... pfft, OBVIOUSLY, Bryn! Do you SEE any other signs?

Thobrun: Well, maybe we can negotiate peacefully with them.

Orcborn: Be realistic, Thobrun. No barbarian would be so compliant.

Emily: You are right, my dear.

Bryn: Pfft... you're only taking his side because you LOOOOOOOOVE-

Orcborn: Bryn, shut up and let me talk to the nice person!

Bryn looks up at the barbarian guarding the bridge.

Bryn: Like you can speak their language!

Barbarian: I am not unliterate.

Bryn’s thoughts: Seriously, who could translate that…?

Orcborn: He says the toll is 32 Gold.

Bryn: WHAT?! How the-

Orcborn: Why are you making us pay to cross?

Barbarian: I am not unliterate.

Orcborn: Can't we work something out?

Bryn: Okay, this is bad!

Orcborn: Bryn, for the love of... just let me negotiate for once.

Barbarian: I am not unliterate!

Orcborn: Can you even spell “money“?

Barbarian: I… am not… unliterate...?

Orcborn: Wow, you actually DO know how to spell it... good job!

The barbarian bellows loudly.

Barbarian: I AM NOT UNLITERATE!

Orcborn: Okay, you win. Take the gold, plus a little extra for proving me wrong.

Barbarian: Huh huh huh... I am not unliterate...

Orcborn: Problem solved.

Emily: I had no idea you spoke barbarian.

Orcborn: My mother taught me before she disappeared without a trace when I was younger.

Bryn: Well, it's a good thing she did, otherwise we'd be haggis right now!

Orcborn: Okay, let's continue onward before anything else hap-

Zed: "SLEEP!"

Zed suddenly points his wand at the barbarians, who slump to the ground in a deep slumber.

Orcborn: What the…?!

Thobrun: What the...?!

Bryn: What the...?!

Amethyst: Sacre bleu!

Brocc’s thoughts: What the...?!

The orcborn steps over the barbarians and walks over to the party.

Orcborn: Remind me never to get on your bad side!

The orcborn sheathes his sword and holds out his right hand. Zed grabs it and clenches. The two release their grips.

Orcborn: That wasn't necessary, but thank you all the same.

Zed: No problem. Glad to help... uh... I wanna say, "Steeeee-"

Orcborn: It's "Mak", actually. Mak Clay.

Zed: Wow, you're the first person I've met here who ISN'T named Steve.

Amethyst: What should we do about these barbarians?

Bryn: Well, we'll be just fine as long as there aren't any Silveria City guards nearby.

A woman’s voice echoes from the other side of the bridge.

Voice: What's going on over there?

Mak: Uh-oh.

Bryn: Cheese it!

The scene cuts to black as the sound of rapidly shuffling feet sounds. A cloud of dust kicks across the screen.

Zed's voice: Oh, PLEASE don't mention cheese, Steve...

***
Closing Credits

***
by TheRealSquigley
on September 16th 2020, 7:49 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. I - An Abridged Meta-Parody... thing... by "The Author"
Replies: 18
Views: 742

Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. I - An Abridged Meta-Parody... thing... by "The Author"

First things first: Feel free to comment between each episode. Don't think of it as "disrupting the flow of the series", but rather "recapturing the feel of the original, pre-remastered season".

***
SPOILER WARNING!
There are major spoilers for those who have yet to read Crystals of Silveria Remastered! Read at your own risk!
Episode 1: The Seventh Plot Device, Part I

Scene 1: Zed’s House: Early Morning

The sun rises over a secluded township in the middle of a vast green plain. In a small house on the outskirts of town, a young man is in a restless slumber, tossing and turning. His eyes suddenly fly open and he sits up in his bed.

Young man (thoughts): Whoa, I need to stop eating muddvak cheese before bed…

The young man, now dressed, walks into his washroom. He gazes into his mirror, opening his mouth and biting onto his hand. The man’s hand glows with a bright blue light, illuminating his entire mouth for a moment before dissipating. He turns on a tap and rinses a cup, then fills it with water. He takes a mouthful and sloshes it around, spitting it into the sink. He then empties the cup and turns off the tap.

Young man: Nothing like making your own magical toothpaste!

The man thinks to himself, then realises something.

Young man: Oh, this is an animé, so my hair is supposed to be spiky if I ever want to be a main character!

The man holds his hand over his forehead. His hand glows. As he moves it upward, his messy, bright red hair spikes vertically. He moves his hand away, and it stops glowing.

Young man: Okay, time to eat a banana that will taste like garbage due to me cleaning my teeth BEFORE eating!

The young man opens the front door and steps through it, closing it behind him. As he turns around a bouncy ball lands next to his foot. He looks at the ball, then at the two boys running towards him.

Boy #1: Good morning, Mr. Zed!

Zed: Good morning, Steve! How are you?

Boy #1: My name’s not Steve!

Boy #2: Good morning, Mr. Zed!

Zed: Oh, hi, Steve!

Boy #2: My name’s not Steve, either.

Boy #1: Can we have our ball back, please?

Zed: Sure thing, Steve!

Zed kicks the ball to the boys. The second one grabs it.

Boy #2: Thanks, Mr. Zed!

Zed: No problem, Steve!

Boy #1: My name’s not Steve! It’s Alfre-

Zed: Sorry, Steve, I can’t chat right now. I have to go to work.

Boy #1: Okay then…”Steve”!

Zed: Bye-bye!

Boy #2: Bye-bye, “Steve”!

The boys run off with the ball. Zed smiles and shakes his head slightly, then makes his way into town.

Zed’s thoughts: Wait…so…is my name actually Steve…?

***
Opening Credits

***
Scene 2: Taylor’s Treasures: Morning

Zed makes his way to Taylor’s Treasures. A bell jingles as Zed opens the door and walks inside, closing the door behind him. A middle-aged woman with glasses heads downstairs into the small shop.

Zed: Good morning, Mrs. Taylor.

Mrs. Taylor: Ah, good morning, young Zed.

Zed looks around the shop.

Zed: So, I see the walls are still lemon meringue-coloured…

Mrs. Taylor: You skipped breakfast again, didn’t you? I keep telling you to eat first and THEN brush your teeth! Honestly, I had no trouble teaching that to my son, Ted!

Zed: Wait…so your son’s name ISN’T Steve?!

The bell jingles as the door opens. The delivery man walks in.

Deliveryman: Mornin’, Mrs. Taylor!

Mrs. Taylor: Mornin’, Mr. Deliveryman. What have you got for us today?

Deliveryman: Three big boxes o’ wondrous junk for ya.

Mrs. Taylor: Oh, I hope it’s those underpants of supreme comfort I ordered!

Zed picks up the smallest box, places it onto the counter and opens it with a small knife.

Zed: Sorry, Mrs. Taylor, it’s just full of brown, non-descript bags.

Mrs. Taylor: Oh, bummer! You may as well put ‘em on display then, lad. Then you can knock off work early and go get a lemon meringue from the bakery.

Zed: You’re so nice, Mrs. T!

Mrs. Taylor: Please don’t call me that, Zed…

Zed: Sorry. So…do you think I’ll ever become a main character?

Mrs. Taylor: With hair THAT spiky, lad, I’d be half-surprised if an elf carrying a plot device didn’t walk in here during the next scene!

Zed nods.

Zed’s thoughts: I hope you’re right, Ted-Steve’s mother…

Scene 3: Taylor’s Treasures: Early Afternoon

A young elven woman enters the shop, the little bell jingling as she opens and closes the door. Mrs. Taylor greets her with a smile.

Mrs. Taylor: Ah, I’ve been expecting you...

Young woman: Bonjour, mademoiselle. My name is Amethyst Lunerosée, and I am looking for someone with particularly spiky hair to accept a plot device that will make him – or her – a main character.

Mrs. Taylor: What a coincidence! My spikiest-haired employee was just saying that he wants to become a main character!

Amethyst: That is wonderful!

Mrs. Taylor: I’ll tell him to meet you in the tavern, even though he never sets foot in there and wouldn’t do so otherwise.

Amethyst: Merci, mademoiselle.

Scene 4: The Naked Drake: Afternoon

Zed walks inside the tavern. It is practically deserted, save for a couple of individuals at different tables.

Zed’s thoughts: Why couldn’t Mrs. Taylor have arranged for me to meet that person in the toy shop? I like the toy shop…

Zed walks over to Amethyst. Amethyst looks up at Zed, then stands up.

Amethyst: You must be Zed.

Zed: How did you guess?

Amethyst: Because your hair is so…spiky!

Zed: Oh…right.

Amethyst: Anyway, my name is Amethyst Lunerosée, and I am a wood elf from…uh…Verdelvum…the place where wood elves live. It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance, monsieur.

Zed: If…you’re a wood elf, then why do you keep using words from the Light Elvish language?

Amethyst giggles.

Amethyst: Spoilers, sweetie.

Amethyst picks up her staff and starts to head towards the door.

Zed: Wait…what’s a spoiler?

Zed starts to follow Amethyst.

Scene 5: Meadow: Afternoon

Zed and Amethyst walk to the top of a hill covered in short, green grass.

Amethyst: Okay, here we are.

Zed: The meadow near my house?

Amethyst: Is it? Well, that’s suspiciously convenient…

Zed: Why did you bring me here?

Amethyst: I will show you.

Amethyst reaches into her satchel, pulling out a wooden box with a silver clasp. She undoes the clasp, swinging the box open so that Zed can gaze upon the contents. Inside the box are seven alcoves, with one of the alcoves containing a triangular, cyan-coloured crystal.

Amethyst: This box contains the seventh in a set of plot devices that will make you, Zed Steve Starmute, a main character, better known as a Crystalbound.

Zed: I…can be a main character…?!

Amethyst: I just said we’re called the-

Zed: Wow…

Zed steps forward. He reaches out his hand and picks up the crystal. As he opens his hand, the crystal’s centre glows with a bright light. Zed places the crystal around his neck. The light within its centre shines bright enough to illuminate the immediate area, before returning to a low level of constant light within the centre.

Zed: I’m a main character!

Scene 6: Street: Morning

Zed and Amethyst walk down a street.

Zed: Thank you for buying my new clothes.

Amethyst: It is my pleasure, Zed. Now, we need to buy you a wand that later turns out to be your long-lost sword.

Zed: What? But wizards don’t use swords! Why would I have a sword?

Amethyst: Spoilers, sweetie.

Zed leads Amethyst to another door. The sign above the door reads The Budding Alchemist. Zed opens the door, motioning Amethyst to enter. Amethyst nods once and enters the building, followed by Zed. An elderly gentleman with a long white beard greets them.

Gentleman: Ah, Zed. Still having bizarre dreams?

Zed: Yes, Mr. Steve Newt.

Newt: You do know that muddvak cheese before bed will cause weird dreams, right?

Zed: Yes, Mr. Steve Newt. Sorry, Mr. Steve Newt…

Newt: I suppose you’re here for your swo- I mean…a wand that clearly isn’t yours until you buy it?

Zed: Yep.

Newt: Very well.

Mr. Newt notices Amethyst.

Newt: Ah, my former apprentice. It is good to see you again.

Amethyst: Oh, now I remember you! You used to be my teacher!

Newt: Yes, yes I did.

Mr. Newt leads Zed to a display containing a selection of wands.

Zed: How will I know which one is the right one for me?

Newt: Well, it CERTAINLY isn’t because it was yours and you recognise it, even in a different form!

Zed looks around. He spots a silver wand adorned with a carving of a dragon at its far end. He walks over to it and picks it up. Almost immediately, a bright blue glow surrounds him. He reaches into his shirt and pulls out the crystal, which is also glowing with a bright blue light.

Newt: No…it cannot be!

The light dissipates. Mr. Newt walks over to Zed.

Newt: Zed! You did not tell me you had a plot device!

Zed: That’s because it was only given to me yesterday…

Newt: Oh. Well, we must go to my house and discuss it further.

The three people step out of the shop. A mysterious figure lurks in the shadows.

Figure: Oh, man…they locked me in here! Didn’t they know I was here? I might be locked in here for hours...I guess I'll trash the place, then! Heheheh...

***
Closing Credits

***
by TheRealSquigley
on November 4th 2019, 3:25 pm
 
Search in: PS4 PSN Reviews
Topic: Review: Taito's The Ninja Saviors - Return of the Warriors (PS4 PSN)
Replies: 36
Views: 1693

Review: Taito's The Ninja Saviors - Return of the Warriors (PS4 PSN)

Player #1: "SNEAK ATTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!"

DM: Before the bugbear has a chance to respond, Ninjus the Ninja drops down from the ceiling, daggers bared. The bugbear drops to the ground with a thud.

Player #1: I leap off the bugbear, turn to the other party members and grin. "And THAT is how you do pest control!"

Player #2: I don't get it...

Player #1: Uh...BUGbear? As in...BUGS?

Player #2: But...bugbears aren't bugs. They're medium-sized goblinoids covered in coarse hairs that-

Player #3: It's just a pun, dude.

Player #2: Oh...good one.

Player 2 makes a small smile. Player 1 sighs.

Player #1: I'm glad ONE of you got it...

***
Um...well, THAT happened. Anyway, I think this is the first time I've read a review of a beat-em-up from you, @Towafan7. Nice one! Topics tagged under 2 on  631737971

So...any chance of a review of 3D Classics: Urban Champion? Razz
by TheRealSquigley
on August 21st 2019, 2:38 am
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Iconic Travel Journals - A Mockumentary Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 0
Views: 650

Iconic Travel Journals - A Mockumentary Series by GeekyGamerZack

DO NOT OPEN unless you've seen all 17 eps of Crystals Remastered!:


***
Zander's Blog, Part 1
Spoiler:


***
Zander's Blog: Part 1.1 - I'M AT WIZARD SCHOOL! (NOT clickbait)
Spoiler:
by TheRealSquigley
on September 22nd 2018, 2:21 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Crystals of Silveria Super-Shorts - by GamerZack87
Replies: 58
Views: 9521

Crystals of Silveria Super-Shorts - by GamerZack87

Bryn, Brocc and Friend's Triple Threat
Spoiler:
by TheRealSquigley
on June 30th 2018, 9:35 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Squidkid Shorts: A Fanfic-Spinoff Webseries by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 17
Views: 1610

Squidkid Shorts: A Fanfic-Spinoff Webseries by GeekyGamerZack

Squika Shorts: The Prankster is In
AKA "The Totes Cray Mini-Episode"

Spoiler:
by TheRealSquigley
on June 17th 2018, 10:46 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Ally-Squinn no Shinwa: A Splatoon Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 13
Views: 2770

Ally-Squinn no Shinwa: A Splatoon Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack

Episode 5: The Ink-redible Podd!
AKA "The Kraken Episode"

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Ally-Squinn's Noob Photos - Entry 05:
by TheRealSquigley
on June 13th 2018, 7:11 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Ally-Squinn no Shinwa: A Splatoon Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 13
Views: 2770

Ally-Squinn no Shinwa: A Splatoon Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack

Episode 4: Premon-ink-tions!
AKA "The Octo Valley Episode"

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Ally-Squinn's Noob Photos - Entry 04:
by TheRealSquigley
on June 3rd 2018, 7:14 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Ally-Squinn no Shinwa: A Splatoon Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 13
Views: 2770

Ally-Squinn no Shinwa: A Splatoon Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack

Episode 3: Gett-ink the Band Together!
AKA "The Music Episode"

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Ally-Squinn's Noob Photos - Entry 03:
by TheRealSquigley
on May 27th 2018, 7:30 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Ally-Squinn no Shinwa: A Splatoon Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 13
Views: 2770

Ally-Squinn no Shinwa: A Splatoon Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack

Episode 2: Trend-ink on Squitter!
AKA "The Freshness Episode"

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Ally-Squinn's Noob Photos - Entry 02:
by TheRealSquigley
on May 9th 2018, 7:57 am
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Ally-Squinn no Shinwa: A Splatoon Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 13
Views: 2770

Ally-Squinn no Shinwa: A Splatoon Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack

Hi all, and welcome to Ally-Squinn no Shinwa, the long-awaited prequel to Squigley no Densetsu! (Pretty sure "long-awaited" is a LITTLE inaccurate...)

In this chapter of the Squidkid Saga, we meet Ally, an Inkling girl who is new to Inkopolis, having only just moved there from her childhood home in Calamari County. No sooner does our protagonist arrive than she is suddenly swept up in a mission to save Inkopolis from an apparent threat. (Okay, it MIGHT be obvious to Splatoon fans and readers of Squigley's chapter just what this threat could be...)

As this is a prequel, you can expect a lot of backstory explored for some of your favourite characters from the original chapter, with examples including Inklinda, Inklein and even Agent 3 herself! (In case it wasn't already obvious that this chapter focuses on Agent 3...)

If you have yet to read Squigley no Densetsu, I suggest you give it a little look-see before getting too involved in this series, as there may be potential spoilers, a bit like how the prequel Star Wars films have blatant spoilers for anyone who didn't watch the originals first. (If you have no interest in Star Wars...well, that comparison might not have been that helpful. But hey, at least I didn't spoil that Darth Vader is really-)

So with that out of the way, I present a preview of the first episode, Back to the Beginn-ink! I hope you enjoy! (Oh, brother...already with the puns...)

***
Episode 1: Back to the Beginn-ink!
AKA "The Origin Episode"

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Ally-Squinn's Noob Photos - Entry 01:
by TheRealSquigley
on April 21st 2018, 7:43 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Squigley no Densetsu - A Splatoon 2 Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 28
Views: 4892

Squigley no Densetsu - A Splatoon 2 Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack

Episode 5: Bait & Switch!
AKA "The Body Swap Episode"

Previously on Squigley no Densetsu...:

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Squigley's Journal - Log 25:
by TheRealSquigley
on April 1st 2018, 9:39 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Squigley no Densetsu - A Splatoon 2 Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 28
Views: 4892

Squigley no Densetsu - A Splatoon 2 Fan-fiction Webseries by GeekyGamerZack

Episode 2: Surf and Turf!
AKA "The Turf War Episode"

Part 1:

Part 2:

Part 3:

Part 4:

Part 5:

Squigley's Journal - Log 5:
by TheRealSquigley
on March 31st 2018, 6:14 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Butt of Silveria - A Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 0
Views: 933

Butt of Silveria - A Series by GeekyGamerZack

BUTT MODE ENABLED

Welcome, fans and fans-to-be, to Butt of Silveria Remastered, the official first season of the Chromaicora Adventures! Whether you're new to the tales of Zed Buttmute and the Buttbound or you've read every episode of the original to the point that you can recite every scene from memory, rest assured that this is the definitive experience, with every episode revised and brought up to speed with more recent projects, and new and exciting plot details added which expand the story.

Without further ado, I present the very first episode of Butt Remastered, The Seventh Butt. Let the tale commence!

***
Episode 1: The Seventh Butt, Part I
”Synopsis”:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:

Episode 2: The Seventh Butt, Part II
”Synopsis”:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:
by TheRealSquigley
on March 6th 2018, 4:11 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Crystals of Silveria Super-Shorts - by GamerZack87
Replies: 58
Views: 9521

Crystals of Silveria Super-Shorts - by GamerZack87

Discount Variety Butt-Mode-Shorts
Spoiler:
by TheRealSquigley
on November 1st 2017, 4:40 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Crystals of Silveria: The Forgotten Episodes - A Sub-Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 0
Views: 762

Crystals of Silveria: The Forgotten Episodes - A Sub-Series by GeekyGamerZack

Hi all, and welcome to Crystals of Silveria: The Forgotten Episodes, a sub-series of episodes that are set during the plot of the original Chromaicora Adventures season. These tales expand the plot with new stories, characters and events that revolve around the Crystalbound, Laura and, of course, the Star Mute One himself, Zed. Each one fits neatly between two episodes of the main season, so you can read them as a dedicated part of it if you like. Of course, there may be spoilers for those of you who have yet to read Crystals Remastered, so please do so if you haven't already.

Well, with that out of the way, I present the very first "filler, briller" Forgotten Episode, The Kidnapped Apprentice. I hope you enjoy! Topics tagged under 2 on  631737971

***
Episode A: The Kidnapped Apprentice

Season Chronology
Previous: E02 The Seventh Crystal, Part II
Next: E03 The Magical Academy


Synopsis:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:
by TheRealSquigley
on November 1st 2017, 4:29 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Flight of Indigo (Chromaicora Adventures Season 3) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 4
Views: 1900

Flight of Indigo (Chromaicora Adventures Season 3) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack

Episode 5: Lilac
Synopsis:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:
[/b]
by TheRealSquigley
on October 30th 2017, 2:17 am
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Mask of Akanius (Chromaicora Adventures Season 2) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 5
Views: 1587

Mask of Akanius (Chromaicora Adventures Season 2) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack

Episode 5: Aoinian Rebel
Synopsis:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:
by TheRealSquigley
on September 29th 2017, 11:01 pm
 
Search in: Nintendo 3DS
Topic: Gen II Pokémon Parties
Replies: 2
Views: 937

Gen II Pokémon Parties

UPDATE #2: I've added some new Pokémon to my parties (Electabuzz and Miltank in Silver, and Magmar and Tauros in Gold). Also, my Egg in Silver has hatched into a Smoochum. Both my parties have been updated with this new info.
by TheRealSquigley
on July 28th 2017, 5:35 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Shell of Thal (Chromaicora Adventures Season 4) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 4
Views: 1528

Shell of Thal (Chromaicora Adventures Season 4) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack

Special 1: Citrine of the Sands
Spoiler:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:
by TheRealSquigley
on July 26th 2017, 5:14 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Flight of Indigo (Chromaicora Adventures Season 3) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 4
Views: 1900

Flight of Indigo (Chromaicora Adventures Season 3) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack

Special 1: Arch
Synopsis:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:
by TheRealSquigley
on July 24th 2017, 1:36 am
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Mask of Akanius (Chromaicora Adventures Season 2) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 5
Views: 1587

Mask of Akanius (Chromaicora Adventures Season 2) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack

Special 1 - Zokugeminan Quest
Spoiler:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:
by TheRealSquigley
on July 18th 2017, 11:08 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Flight of Indigo (Chromaicora Adventures Season 3) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 4
Views: 1900

Flight of Indigo (Chromaicora Adventures Season 3) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack

Episode 4: Chuck
Synopsis:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:
by TheRealSquigley
on July 16th 2017, 4:42 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Mask of Akanius (Chromaicora Adventures Season 2) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 5
Views: 1587

Mask of Akanius (Chromaicora Adventures Season 2) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack

Episode 4 – Akanian Tournament
Synopsis:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:
by TheRealSquigley
on June 23rd 2017, 6:54 am
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: CASTING CALL: Power Rangers Mushroom Force [Re:Shoomba] - A Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 0
Views: 897

CASTING CALL: Power Rangers Mushroom Force [Re:Shoomba] - A Series by GeekyGamerZack

Hi all, and welcome to the casting call for a reboot of Power Rangers Mushroom Force! This series is written by me in the style of the popular Chromaicora Adventures, which are also on this site.

The premise is simple: Mario has disappeared, and Luigi has gone to look for him, leaving the Mushroom Kingdom without its protectors. Seizing his chance, Bowser attempts to steal the top-secret Gadd Force technology, but in doing so he manages to activate it, causing members of WiiWareWave to be pulled into the Mushroom Kingdom, where they become something similar to Power Rangers.

Here's the best part: each of the Rangers is credited as being a member of WiiWareWave. That's right, there could be a Ranger role with your name on it! Actually, that statement is both literal and figurative, as the original cast members get first dibs on their parts. After a while, if some parts are unclaimed by their original members, or said members decline the offer, then they will be open for recasting.

In addition to the main twelve Rangers, there are eight additional Ranger roles in the pipeline, which are to be introduced later. Some parts require a hero or heroine of a particular gender, while others are open to either guys or girls; these roles will be marked as such, along with the powers and Mecha of the characters.

Here are the parts which are currently locked to first dibs:

Green Ranger: @BurstDashV8 (CONFIRMED)
Pink Ranger: @"Kushina"
*Aqua Ranger: @Aqua Cherry Blossom
Yellow Ranger: @Reanfan (CONFIRMED)
Purple Ranger: @Ragnarok
Orange Ranger: @"ReverseInverse"
Red Ranger: @"Marioman18"
Blue Ranger #2: KingreX32
**Black Ranger: @Minato
***White Ranger: @"Clannad"
Magenta Ranger: @bro2dragons
Blue Ranger #1/Azure Ranger: @GeekyGamerZack (CONFIRMED)

*The Aqua Ranger now has Mini Mushroom power, and can shrink at will, allowing for access to small spaces and running across water briefly

**The Black Ranger now has Metal Block power, and can turn into metal, allowing for walking underwater and extra resilience

***The White Ranger now has a Poochy Mecha


And these are the parts that are currently available:

Brown Bowser Ranger/Bronze Ranger (written as male)
Grey Bowser Ranger/Silver Ranger (written as female)
Amber Bowser Ranger/Gold Ranger

Stay tuned for more info! Topics tagged under 2 on  631737971
by TheRealSquigley
on May 16th 2017, 5:31 pm
 
Search in: Nintendo Switch
Topic: Your Nintendo Switch Game Library
Replies: 15
Views: 1829

Your Nintendo Switch Game Library

This is where you can post your list of Nintendo Switch games. Be sure to update your initial post with any new games you own, and also specify which games you play online. Adding your username and Friend Code is also recommended, so that people can easily add you for some online multiplayer sessions. I'll start with my own library:

GeekyGamerZack's Library
Profile #1 (Gamer★Zack)
Friend Code: SW-7597-6601-9012
Games

  • Super Mario Odyssey (retail download)
  • Mario Kart 8 Deluxe (retail download)
  • Sonic Mania (download-exclusive)
  • Shovel Knight: Treasure Trove (download-exclusive)


Profile #2 (Geeky☆Zack)
Friend Code: SW-1526-9366-5990
Games

  • Sonic Forces: Digital Bonus Edition (retail download)
  • LEGO Worlds (retail download)
  • Arcade Archives: Mario Bros. (arcade)
  • ACA NEOGEO The King of Fighters '98 (arcade)
by TheRealSquigley
on May 6th 2017, 11:17 pm
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Crystals of Silveria Super-Shorts - by GamerZack87
Replies: 58
Views: 9521

Crystals of Silveria Super-Shorts - by GamerZack87

Discount Variety Super-Super-Shorts
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by TheRealSquigley
on April 4th 2017, 4:17 am
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Flight of Indigo (Chromaicora Adventures Season 3) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 4
Views: 1900

Flight of Indigo (Chromaicora Adventures Season 3) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack

Hi all, and welcome to Flight of Indigo, the third chapter of the Chromaicora Adventures. In this tale, we follow the adventures of Evan Sky, a socially-awkward young man who dreams of becoming a pilot in his city's flagship aeronautical squadron. This season is set at roughly the same time period as Mask of Akanius and Shell of Thal, with some story overlap between them, so be sure to check them out as well. Oh, and there are spoilers for Crystals of Silveria Remastered as well, so be sure to check it out before reading this if you haven't. All seasons can be found in the boxed set, which you can check out by clicking right here. Okay, without further ado, I present Flight of Indigo. I hope you enjoy!

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Episode 1 – Sky, Part I
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Episode 2 – Sky, Part II
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by TheRealSquigley
on April 2nd 2017, 3:29 am
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Mask of Akanius (Chromaicora Adventures Season 2) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack
Replies: 5
Views: 1587

Mask of Akanius (Chromaicora Adventures Season 2) - A Series by GeekyGamerZack

Hi all, and welcome to Mask of Akanius, the second season of the Chromaicora Adventures! This chapter is set in the world of Dracromia, which exists in another part of the multiverse, and follows the adventures of Alph and his allies as they seek to assemble a mystical artefact. This season runs concurrently with Flight of Indigo and Shell of Thal, which you can find in the series boxed set thread by clicking right here, so be sure to check them out as well. Oh, and this season does contain major spoilers for the previous chapter, Crystals of Silveria Remastered, so be sure to read it if you haven't yet. Now without further ado, let's kick off the latest chapter in the saga!

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Episode 1 – Akanian Knights, Part I
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Episode 2 – Akanian Knights, Part II
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by TheRealSquigley
on February 20th 2017, 1:27 am
 
Search in: Everything else
Topic: Crystals of Silveria Super-Shorts - by GamerZack87
Replies: 58
Views: 9521

Crystals of Silveria Super-Shorts - by GamerZack87

Blooper Reel of Silveria, Vol. I
Spoiler: