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Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

November 16th 2020, 7:15 am
The story continues... well, some version thereof... Razz

Episode 1: The Big City Spoiler Montage, Part I

Scene 1: Guild Quarter: Platinia City: Late Morning

The party walks through a busy street. Bryn has a big smile on her face. She opens out her arms.

Bryn: Ah, Platinia City... there's no place like home!

Mak: Hail Dorothy.

Bryn: Why yes, I AM back to my real gender. Thanks for noticing, Makkmak!

Brocc: Bryn, your persona was still female. You were transformed into a male in only a PHYSICAL capacity.

Bryn: Yeah, yeah, just because I was testosterine-

Brocc: Uh... "testosterine" isn't a-

Bryn: Don't interrupt me, Brocc!

Brocc: You interrupted ME, Br-

Bryn: Because YOU interrupted me FIRST, Br-


Everyone shuts up.

Thobrun: Good. Let's try to stay this way until we get to the tavern, hm?

Everyone continues walking. After a moment, a crossbow bolt strikes Bryn in her left upper arm. She cries out in pain.

Bryn: OW!

Brocc pauses.

Brocc: …what the Brocc?!

Bryn: Someone shot me!

Brocc: Oh, crap... oh, crap...

Brocc sniffs the air as he walks past a manure cart.

Brocc: Oh, LITERAL crap... this is bad... this is bad...

Bryn: Calm down, Brocc.

Brocc: Calm down?! Do you have ANY idea what just happened?!

Bryn: Yeah, I've been shot in the arm. Pretty sure I know who did it and why, so no big deal.

Brocc: No big deal...? This is the WORST thing you've ever done!

Bryn: Me?! I didn't shoot MYSELF, dumdum!

Brocc: No. You did something much, MUCH worse...

Bryn: Which is?

Brocc: You spoke after Thobrun told us to shut up.

Bryn's eyes widen as we hear a sound reminiscent of a whistling kettle grow louder and louder. We cut to a view of Thobrun; his face is pink, and a jet of steam is being expelled from each ear.

Bryn: ...oops.

Opening Credits

Scene 2: Temple of Marilina: Early Afternoon

Bryn sits on a stretcher inside a room of silvery-grey brick. Emily stands nearby holding a cloth soaked with alcohol.


Emily: I have yet to apply the cloth to your wound.

Bryn: Oh. Okay then.

Emily applies the cloth to Bryn’s arm.

Bryn: Oh, that doesn’t sting anywhere near as much as I thought it wou-

Bryn’s eyes suddenly open wide.

Bryn: *BLEEP*?! *BLEEP* *BLEEP* *BLEEP*ing *BLEEP* *BLEEP*! This *BLEEP* is *BLEEP* *BLEEP*, and *BLEEP* is SO gonna *BLEEP* *BLEEP* when I *BLEEP* *BLEEP* that *BLEEP*ing *BLEEP* green *BLEEP* hair of his! And another thing, *BLEEP* *BLEEP* ooh, that *BLEEP* is NOT a *BLEEP*ing *BLEEP* *BLEEP*-

We cut to a view of Emily and Mak as Bryn’s speech continues to be censored in the background. Mak is holding a device with a red button labelled “Stress-B-Gone mini”, with the bleeps sounding out with each press. Emily raises an eyebrow at Mak, who stops pressing the button with a sheepish, apologetic grin.

Bryn: -banana muffin fundraiser! And THAT is why I both appreciate AND support the services of the Temple of Marilina despite my patron being a completely different Celestial Being.

Emily gently rubs the wound with the cloth.

Emily: Much obliged, Brynwon.

Bryn: That’s my name! Don’t wear it out!

Mak: Don’t wear what out...?

Bryn: Brynwon!

Mak: Brynwon? As in your name, Brynwon?

Bryn: Yes, as in my name, Brynwon. My name, which is Brynwon... please don’t wear it out.

Emily: Okay, we will not wear out your name, Brynwon.

Mak: Yes, Brynwon, we will not wear out the name Brynwon.

Bryn: Thank you both for not wearing out my name... which is Brynwon.

Mak: By the way, Brynwon, it’s the Dragon Festival.

Bryn: The DRAGON Festival?! WOO-HOO! We’re just in time for my favourite festival of the year!

Mak: I thought your favourite festival was the Party Festival because, and I quote: (cue overly-exaggerated Cockney accent) “Oi can does wha’evah Oi loikes, an’ NONE o’ youse lots is gonna do nuffink abou’ it!”.

Bryn: Hey, that sounds NUFFINK like me!

Mak: Wo’evah ya says, ya Cockney guvna birdie putt...

Bryn: HEY! Enough with the terrible impressions! That’s BROCC’s schtick!

Mak: Mmph... fine...

Bryn: Thank you, Makksimus! *razzes*

Mak: It’s... Makkmak.

Bryn: Oh yeah. Silly me! Wait... “Makkmak”...? But that’s... that’s...

Bryn giggles. Mak looks over at Emily.

Mak: Uh… what’s with her?

Emily: I gave her a remedy to ease the pain. It seems I may have made it a little bit too strong.

Bryn looks over at Mak. A smirk appears on her face.

Bryn: BFFFFFFFFAHAHAHAHA! That’s as silly-sounding as Brynwon! Silly... sounding... sssssssilly... sssssssyl... sssssyl hoooooman... Emil-il-il-il-il-il-ilyyyyyy the sssssilly sssssyl hoooooman... and Mak-ak-akka-mak-ak-ak-ak the hawwwwwf-or-kor-korc... hawwwwwfff hooooooo-OOO-oooooman... or-kor-korc Mama... hoooooman Dada... Makkmakkmakkmakkmak... TA-DAAAAAAA! It’s-a wittle bebbeh MAKKMAK!

Mak (to Emily): A “little bit” too strong?

Bryn laughs uncontrollably.

Bryn: HAHAHAHAHA! Heh... ... ... ... ... “Cabbages”...

Bryn faints.

Scene 3: Kisetsu Town: Early Afternoon

Zed, Amethyst, Thobrun and Brocc sit at a table in a Kisetsuese restaurant. The smells of various dishes tantalise their noses. Zed is eating a bowl of noodles with fried sweet bean curd.

Zed: Ooh, briny!

Brocc: Actually, that broth is made with bean juice, not brine.

Zed: Really? I thought the whole thing about beans being fruit was just a myth.

Amethyst: You are correct, mon cher. Beans are, in fact, legumes.

Brocc: Well, yeah. EVERYONE knows that fact, Amejisto!

Amethyst: Whomst?

Brocc: I-I mean... “Amethyst”...

Amethyst: Spoilers, sweetie.

Zed: Well... how can you juice beans if they aren’t actually fruit?

Thobrun: Well, the same way you’d juice tomatoes, I assume.

Brocc: Uh... Thobrun? Tomatoes ARE fruit.

Thobrun: Poppybrocc! Next thing, you’ll be telling me that ketchup is traditionally made from fish and that potaytoes and potahtoes are the same thing!

Brocc: Okay, dude, are you SERIOUSLY trying to mess with me?

Zed: Yeah, Thobrun. Everyone KNOWS there’s no such things as potoroos!

Brocc: No, Zed, he... you know what? Never mind. I think I’m just gonna go to Little Verdelvum and order some tasty mac n’ cheese with just a HINT of garlic.

A woman at another table turns to face Zed.

Woman: Forgive me for interrupting your meal. Did I overhear that you are very good acquaintances with Makkmak Clay, whose breath just REEKS of garlic?

Zed: Uh… not exactly, though funnily enough we ARE very good acquaintances with Makkmak Clay, whose breath just REEKS of garlic.

Woman: Then it is you...

Zed: M-Me?! I mean... WHAT?!

Woman: Indeed. You are the one who was brought to this world by a seahorse.

Zed: Whoa… then the rumours ARE true...

Mak: What?! Those rumours about my breath are exaggerated at best!

Mak and Bryn unexpectedly stand at the table.

Brocc: EEP! How did you do that?!

Mak: I’ll tell you how I did it if you tell me how YOU do it first.

Brocc: NEVAH! Nevah shall I EVAH, FELLAH!

Mak: It’s... Makkmak.

Woman: My, my, little Makkmak, how you and your musk have grown.

Zed: Actually, it’s pronounced, “MUSS-ools”.

Mak’s eyes suddenly widen. He suddenly points at the woman.

Mak: Wait a minute… I know you! You were my school teacher!

Ceras smiles.

Ceras: I see you are as observant as ever.

Brocc: HEY! Only BRYN is allowed to condescend Mak!

Mak: Actually, she was being sincere.


Bryn: Not everyone in this parody uses thinly-veiled insults, Gratekin!

Ceras: Makkmak here was my brightest pupil, excelling in all his academic endeavours.

Brocc: And yet he settled on being a hulking, meat-fisted, meat-headed-

Mak: Mmmff...

Brocc: Utting the Shocc brup.

Ceras: In any case, I would like to invite this young seacolt to my shop. I will explain more there.

Zed slurps the last of his udon for a ridiculously long time. Zed turns to face Ceras.

Zed: Yatta! (“Yah, sure, you betcha!”)

Ceras: After you finish your meal, of course.

Zed: Oh, good. I was hoping I could finish the rest of my-

Zed notices a particularly-large tempura prawn.

Zed: Ooh, fry-ny!

Zed stabs the prawn with his fork and takes a bite.

Scene 4: Thieves’ Guild: Early Afternoon

Bryn enters the Thieves’ Guild, her left upper arm tightly-bandaged. The room is filled with many roguish individuals from a multitude of races, most notably humans and halflings. Bryn seems to be looking for someone.

Bryn’s thoughts: Okay, where can I find…aha! Perfect!

Bryn walks up to a bolgard, who has his back facing her. Bryn taps him on the shoulder with her right hand.

Bryn: Oi! Broccface!

The bolgard turns to face Bryn. He is about Bryn’s height, with olive skin, a large nose and a small tuft of dark grey hair on top of his head. A scowl is spread across his face.

Bolgard: Who are ya callin’ “Broccface”, Sven-for-brains?!

Both individuals scowl at each other, seemingly in a standoff of intimidation. Then both individuals laugh heartily and briefly clench each other’s right forearms.

Bolgard: Bryn! It’s so good to-

Bryn punches Gazzo in the arm.

Gazzo: OW! Is THAT how ya greet an old-

Bryn punches Gazzo in the arm.

Gazzo: Seriously, what the Br-

Bryn punches Gazzo in the arm.

Gazzo: BRYN!

Bryn: THAT’S for slippin’ that potion of gender-flipping into my drink! I was a man for a whole year!

Gazzo: Well, I… wait... why didn’t you take the antidote?

Bryn: ... what, uh... what antidote...?

Gazzo: You’re kidding, right?

Bryn: No...?

Gazzo: Well, when I pulled that prank, I gave your party leader a bottle filled with a blend of cucumber, muddvak cheese and Archaelian fruits.

Bryn: Wait... that sounds suspiciously similar to that lotion the druid dude gave me...

Gazzo: So you didn’t get my antidote back then? Heh... your leader probably thought it was fruity aioli dip and ate it!

Bryn: WHAT?!

Gazzo examines Bryn’s arm.

Gazzo: Ah, I see ya found my latest gift!

Bryn: Yeah, but the delivery coulda been gentler.

Gazzo’s eyes widen.

Gazzo: Hey, hey, ya know what I’m like!

Bryn: Yeah, yeah, I know...

Bryn removes the crossbow bolt from her belt. It is entirely made of metal, which glistens and sparkles beautifully.

Gazzo: If ya don’t like it, I can-

Bryn: Oh, no you don’t! This thing was embedded in my arm. The LEAST you can do is let me keep this “gift”!

Gazzo: Awright, awright... just don’t ask about the type of alloy used in it.

Bryn: Why not?

Gazzo: To quote your elf friend, “Spoilers, sweetie.”

Bryn: Wow, that was a surprisingly accurate impression of Amethyst.

Gazzo chuckles.

Gazzo: Well, we all have our talents, like your amazing ability to-

Bryn: Gazzo...

Gazzo: Sorry... now come on, ya brother, Guildmaster Rowen, is waiting.

Bryn: Good, I’ve been meaning to... wait... Rowie is the WHAT?!

Scene 5: Guild Leader’s Chamber: Thieves’ Guild: Mid Afternoon

A kindred with short, wavy, dirty-blonde hair sits on a rather ornate chair. The doors at the far side of the room swing open, revealing Gazzo and Bryn. The two thieves approach the chair and stand facing the halfling. Gazzo clears his throat.

Gazzo: Guild Leader Rowen, I present Her Royal Greatness, Mademoiselle Fartnugget of Platinia.

Bryn punches Gazzo in the arm.

Bryn: I’ll “Fartnugget” you, Gazzo!

Rowen leaps to his feet and walks over to Bryn. He smiles and opens his arms wide. Bryn smiles back and opens her arms, and the two siblings embrace. They let go of each other.

Bryn: It’s so good to see you again, brother.

Rowen grins widely.

Bryn: Oh, YOU can talk! I know you’re the one who-

Rowen nods.

Bryn: Really? THAT’S why you swiped it?

Brocc suddenly stands next to Bryn.

Brocc: Swiped what?

Bryn cries out.

Bryn: Oh, for Brocc’s sake! Stop doing that!

Brocc: No.

Bryn: Why, you same-sized...

Brocc: So what’s everyone doing here?

Bryn: Uh... this is the Thieves’ Guild. Where thieves hang out.

Brocc: Okay...?

Bryn: Which is us.

Brocc: Hey, I’m not a thief! I’m a-

Rowen quietly clears his throat, a stern look on his face.

Brocc: What...? How could you POSSIBLY know THAT, Bryn’s brother?!

Bryn: He has a name, you know!

Brocc: Well, I don’t know his name, Mary Sue!

Gazzo holds his right hand behind his head and grins, a large drop of sweat sliding down the left side of his face.

Gazzo: Uh... can we wrap this up before the Karaoke Contest?

Brocc: Oh, I LOVE karaoke!


Bryn trips up Brocc.


Bryn: Now that THAT’S taken care of...

Brocc stands to his feet.

Bryn: …I wanna show you what this goober gave me.

Brocc: Hey, I’m NOT a goober!

Bryn: Not you, the OTHER goober.

Gazzo: Heehee... ... ... ... ... ... ... hey!

Bryn hands the bolt to Rowen, who examines it closely.

Bryn: Nice, huh?

A puzzled look spreads across Rowen’s face.

Bryn: No Broccing idea whatsoever. It feels like it’d fetch a decent sum.

Brocc: You mean “FLETCH” a decent sum... geddit? Huh? Huh? ‘Cos it’s a-

Bryn trips up Brocc.


Bryn: Now that THAT’S taken care of... AGAIN...

Brocc stands to his feet.

Bryn: ...any idea what to do with it?

Rowen shakes his head.

Bryn: Well, I’m sure we can-

Erik’s voice: I need to confiscate your crossbow bolt.

Erik enters the room and approaches Rowen. The kindred hands the bolt to him. Erik examines it.

Bryn: Why do you want my bolt, Erik?

Gazzo: And why d’ya expect me ta just HAND it over ta ya, human?

Erik: Ever heard of the Kelpie?

Gazzo: Ya mean that seaweed salad stuff they’re selling in every marketplace in the city over the next two days or so?

Bryn: Gazzo? Plot Devicebound business. Get the Brocc outta here.

Gazzo: Awright, awright, I’m goin’, I’m goin...

Gazzo races out of the room. Erik turns to face Brocc.

Erik: Your presence suggests that Zed is within the city walls.

Brocc: Yep, but he’s on his way to some weird hedge magic shop with Mak’s Cuckoo Cloudclamber elementary school teacher.

Erik’s thoughts: Wait... not good... if Ceras spoils too much of the plot before Zed’s...

Erik looks at Brocc.

Erik: Occbray, eeway eednay ootay ohgay OWNAY. (“Brocc, we need to go NOW.”)

Brocc: Uh...?

Erik: Oilerspay ertalay. Anderzay annotcay ohnay ootay utchmay issthay oonsay tooinay the eazonsay. (“Spoiler alert. Zander cannot know too much this soon into the season.”)

Bryn: Is... he making wisecracks about your preference in-

Erik: Occbray, EASEPLAY! (“Brocc, PLEASE!”)

Bryn: Getting a LITTLE alienated right now...

Brocc: Oh... utbay otway outabay erhay? (“Oh... but what about her?”)

Erik: I’m oreshay she illway ebay inefay. (“I’m sure she will be fine.”)

Brocc: Airfay uffeenay. Etlay’s ohgay and elphay Anderzay! (“Fair enough. Let’s go and help Zander!”)

Erik bows and leaves the room, followed by Brocc. Bryn turns to face them, then turns back to face Rowen.

Bryn: I can’t figure out if they’re gonna auction some items online, or-

Rowen shrugs.

Bryn: That’s what I thought.

To be Continued...

Closing Credits


Last edited by TenthSeedZed32 on March 8th 2021, 7:58 pm; edited 2 times in total

Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

March 2nd 2021, 2:29 am
Episode 2: The Big City Spoiler Montage, Part II

Opening Credits


Scene 1: Crescent Moon Reagents: Mid Afternoon

Ceras opens the door to Crescent Moon Reagents & Bric-a-Brac, a little bell jingling as she does so. She enters, followed by Zed, Mak and Amethyst. Zed immediately notices a large number of items on different shelves, from antique collectables and souvenirs to ingredients for different forms of hedge magic.

Mak: Wait... why was the opening BEFORE the start of the ep...?

Amethyst: I believe the episode is one extended scene.

Mak: But... what about the Dragon Par-

Ceras: Well, here we are.

Zed: Ooh, shiny... Ooh, finey... Ooh, viney... Ooh, dry-ny... Ooh, sweet!

Mak: Wait... what did you-

Zed: Uh! I-I mean... Ooh, twine-y...?

Mak: Oh, good. For a second there I thought you were about to break character.

Ceras: That's a wonderful idea, Makkleficent!

Mak: It's... Makkmak. Also, are you crazy?!

Ceras: Of COURSE I'm not, Makkaque! When have you EVER known me to follow the latest in cultural obsessions?

Mak: Uh... Good point, Miss Cer-

Ceras: Now, let's use popular Twelfth-Star Astrologenic techniques to break the young main character's... well... character.

Zed: Ooh, Steve-y!

Mak: Oh, come on, Zed! You haven't even done the thing yet, so that doesn't even make any what the heck are you-

Zed removes his right gauntlet, exposing his hand.

Zed: Now what?

Mak: Zed, you should REALLY think about-

Ceras swiftly places both hands over Zed’s, and closes her eyes.

Ceras: Too late!

Calling from beyond the sixteenth level...

Mak: Miss Ceras?


Mak: Miss-


Mak: Miss-


Silvery light envelops Zed’s hand.

Mak: Miss-

DA-da-do... DEE-DEE-DEE-da-da-DEE-DA!

Mak: Miss Ceras!

Ceras: That's my name! Don't wear it out!

We cut to Erik, who walks briskly through the city streets.

Erik’s thoughts: Oh no... not the Abra-Kadabra metamorphosis...

Erik looks around.

Erik’s thoughts: Where the Brocc is Brocc…?

We cut back to Crescent Moon Reagents. Ceras removes her hands, revealing a pattern on the back of Zed’s hand: a ring of twelve circles, surrounding a second, smaller ring of eight circles; four circles are nestled between the rings, and another circle is located in the centre. A number of dots are scattered throughout the pattern.

Zed: Ooh, pretty...

Ceras: I have revealed that which has been hidden from you, Zed.

Zed: Did I just Mega Evolve?

Ceras: Well-

Erik: Ceras! How many times must Amethyst say, "Spoilers, sweetie!" before you stop spoiling other peoples' lives, not to mention EVERY Starflix series EVER?!

Erik is suddenly standing in the room.

Mak: Wow, that was a surprisingly accurate impression of Amethyst.

Amethyst: Agreed, mon Cher.


Erik: Ah, a wizard never reveals his secrets, Makksimile.

Mak: It's... Makkmak.

Erik: Well? What do you have to say for yourself, hm?

Mak: I'm sorry, mister...

Erik: I was, in fact, speaking to your teacher.

Mak: Oh.

Erik: Well?

Ceras: I do not consider revealing a secret part of this young wizard's existence well before it is meant to be known as a "spoiler", my elder.

Mak: Elder? So... Erik is really an old geezer, then? Ah... no disrespect intended, Gramps.

Erik: Fan-Broccing-tastic, Ceras. Anything else you wish to spoil?

Zed: Wait... WHAT'S gonna happen to Amethyst?!

Amethyst: Whatever do you mean, Cher Zed?

Erik: It's nothing, I assure you. Certainly not Zed having vaguely prophetic visions about possible futures in relation to yourself and your allies, at the very least.

Mak: Wait... why are your hands behind your back?

Everybody looks over at a koble who is standing in the doorway.

Koble: Oh, his fingers are-

Erik: Koble, please!

Koble: Oop, sorry! I'll come back later and chat with you, Makkmak! Oh, yes, yes!

The koble flies out of the door.

Mak: It's... Makkmak.

Zed: But that's what he said, Microphone!

Mak: Oh yeah... Hey, wait! That was my old schoolfriend Knight!

Erik: So many spoilers... if we're not careful, I fear a spoiler montage sequence may be trig-

Amethyst and Zed stand in a zen garden.

Amethyst: I... am not even a wood elf.

Zed: I know. You're actually a luminelv from the continent of Luminelvum, and you turned into a verdelv on the day of your 100th birthday, beginning a 50-year-long pilgrimage to find the other Plot Devicebound and give them their Plot MacGuffins.

Amethyst: Mm... mostly right, mon Cher.

Zed is walking through the woods, a faerie perched on his head.

Azure: Whoa... I'm having the strangest sense of Déjà Vu...

Zed: Silly Azula! This scene hasn't HAPPENED yet! Silly Azula, hahaha!

Zed is wandering through the desert, Argen perched on his head.

Argen: Whoa... I'm having the strangest sense of Déjà Vu...

Zed: Illysay Evestay! Issthay eensay asn'thay APPENEDHAY etyay! Illysay Evestay, ahahahay!

Zed is standing in his mindscape, with Erik standing nearby.

Erik: Oh, for Brocc's sake... I didn't expect the spoiler montage to go THIS far!

Zed: Whoa... I'm having the strangest sense of Déjà Vu...

Erik: Wait... oh no, a flashback is happening before it happened from your perspective! Don't look, don't look!

Zed: Is that a silver tower...? Ooh, shiny!

Erik: Sigh...

Zed is standing inside the ice fortress, his eyes glowing and his voice distorted. In his right hand is a silver longsword.

Zed: Mara! You will... wait... why am I holding a...? Ooh, shiny...

Erik: Zed, snap out of it!

Zed blinks. He is back in Crescent Moon Reagents.[/I]

Zed: Wow... so many ooh, shinies...

Erik: Good. I can't STAND spoilers! Now, I must go before anything else is spoiled!

Erik heads for the door.

Zed: Oh, and don't worry. I won't tell anyone that you're really a luminelv, Amethyst.

Brocc: Amethyst is a WHAT?!

Brocc is suddenly standing there.

Erik: Oh... for Brocc's sake!

Scene 2: Busy Street: Late Afternoon

Bryn and Gazzo make their way through a crowd of people.

Bryn: I don’t really need an escort, Gazzo.

Gazzo: Nonsense. As your best friend, confidante and fellow Thieves’ Guildmate, it is my duty to guard you no matter what!

Bryn: If you say so.

Gazzo: Besides, I'm more likely to find the best grub with me best mate by my side!

Bryn: If you say so.

Gazzo: 'Ey, that's the spirit! And don't worry, I'm not gonna give ya a trick potion THIS time!

Bryn: If you say so…

Gazzo's thoughts: I'm gonna give it to the giant born instead... heheheh... I can just imagine the look on his FACE when his clothes-

Shady Guy: Hey, are you friends with Makkmak?

Bryn: Yeah? Name's Bryn, the Loveable Rogue.

Shady Guy: Hi, Bryndee!

Gazzo: An' I'm Gazzo, the... uh...

Bryn: Goofy Goober?

Gazzo: Yeah! ... ... ... ... ... heeeeeeey, wait a minute?!

Shady Guy: Oh... you're the one who's selling the chocolate bolt!

Gazzo: Yep! That's me! What do I call you?

Shady Guy: My name is Guy Overdare. I know because people point at me and say, "Look at that Guy Overdare. What a prawn!" And then I say, "Silly Passerby! I'm not a prawn, they're AQUATIC creatures! Silly Passerby, hahaha!"

Bryn: Sigh... Abridged Guy is a dumb fighter stereotype... I WONDERED how long it'd be until this trope was invoked, considering even OUR Maximilian is a half-orc genius with a sword.

Mak's voice: It's... Makkmak.

Guy: Silly Author! Makkmak isn't even IN this scene! Silly Author, hahaha!

Gazzo hands the crossbow bolt to Guy, who examines it carefully.

Guy: Hm… this isn't made of chocolate.

Gazzo: Oh... it's made of SILVER chocolate! It's like gold chocolate, but with the texture of hard candy!

Guy: Ooh... I LOVE candy! I'll buy it! Thanks, Gooberella!

Gazzo: You're welcome! Waaaaait... Whatchoo call me, punk?!

Mak's voice: It's... Makkmak.

Guy: Silly Author! Makkmak isn't even IN this scene! Silly Author, hahaha!

Erik's voice: Seriously! Won't someone PLEASE think of the Fourth Wall?!

Guy: Silly Author! Eeewiki isn't even IN this scene! Silly Author, hahaha!

Random voice: Please support the S.S.P.B.D.F.W! That's the Silverian Society for the Prevention of Blatant Disregard to the Fourth Wall! Donations being collected right now! Show your support for-

Guy: Ooh... this is just like in The Twin Knights of Zoku, when Briffany declares her love for Kyler and proportses to him on Whatsthetime's Day!

Erik's voice: Seriously?! That's IT! I'm using my ambiguously described powers to advance the plot to the next episode!

Gazzo: Aw, but what about the Song of Moon backdoor pilot subplot? And the Dragon Parade?

Bryn: Yeah! I mean... I didn't-

Episode 3: The Inevitable Family Reunion, Part I

Scene 1: Silverian Nature Trail: Morning

Bryn: -spoil the plot! Oh, for Brocc's sake...

Zed: Are we there yet?

Amethyst: Not yet, mon Cher.

Zed: Aw... okay then.

Bryn: So much for the Dragon Parade...

Closing Credits


Last edited by TenthSeedZed32 on March 7th 2021, 7:23 pm; edited 3 times in total

Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

March 7th 2021, 7:16 pm
Episode 3: The Inevitable Family Reunion, Part I

Scene 1: Silverian Nature Trail: Morning

Bryn: -spoil the plot! Oh, for Brocc's sake...

Zed: Are we there yet?

Amethyst: Not yet, mon Cher.

Zed: Aw... okay then.

Bryn: So much for the Dragon Parade...

Opening Credits


Scene 2: Super-Shorts Theatre: Opening Night

Brocc walks onto the stage.

Brocc: Well, Ladies and Fartnuggets, that was the newest ep of Crystals Abridged. I hope you enjoyed it!

Bryn's voice: Wait... WHAT THE BROCC?!

Bryn stomps onto the stage.

Brocc: That's my name, don't wear it out!

Bryn: This was BARELY a Super-Short at best!

Brocc: Well, DUH! This IS the Super-Shorts Theater! Whaddya expect, Brynwon?

Bryn: Firstly, it's "theatre", not "theater". Try to spell PROPERLY, Unearthed Americana!

Brocc: I fail to see the difference.

Bryn: Secondly, stop ripping off catchphrases!

Brocc: No.

Bryn: Thirdly, I TOLD you not to call me BRYNWON!

Kelvis' voice: Huh huh... huh huh... she said "Brynwon".

Butt-Ned's voice: Heh heh... heh heh... yeah, sounds like "bin wind".

Kelvis' voice: Huh huh...

Butt-Ned's voice: Heh heh...

Brocc: Hey, it's Zander's friends from Wizard School, Buffy and Willow!

Bryn: Actually, I think that-

Brocc: Or was it Ronnie and Madonna...?

Bryn: Uh... isn't that a clown?

Brocc: Whatever. The point is-

Kelvis' voice: Huh huh... huh huh... he said "Point".

Butt-Ned's voice: Heh heh... heh heh... yeah, sounds like "Sven".

Bryn: Uh-oh...

Brocc flips out.


Brocc leaps into the crowd, and generic punching and kicking sound effects are heard, with colourful comic book-style "PUNCH!", "KICK!", "PAZOW!", "9001!", and "KUPO!" effects flinging into the air.

Bryn: They pushed the Sven button.

Voice: You're telling me.

A crudely superimposed Disswey walks onto the stage next to Bryn.

Bryn: Who the Brocc are you?

Disswey speaks with a ridiculously monotone voice similar to Daria Morgendorffer.

Disswey: I'm Disswey. I'm an involuntary acquaintance of his brother Sven.

Bryn: Ouch. Is he really as bad as Brocc claims?

Disswey: Not really, although he is as dense as a stone cupcake.

Bryn: Really?

Disswey: He thinks my name is "Dishwuh Muffinborper".

Bryn: That's almost as bad as Brynwon.

Disswey: Your jesting self-deprecation is amusing, Brayne Wayne. Let us become friends.

Bryn: Well... okay, but I don't think Brocc would want me to have other fr-

Brocc: And THIS is for invoking the name of HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED! Ooh, that He Who Must Not be Named... by which I mean Sven...

Bryn: On second thought, let's go to Bake n' Drake!

Disswey barely hums the Bake n' Drake jingle.

Bryn: Wow, you sing better than Brocc...

Disswey: A lot of people say I have the voice of a Celestial Being...

Bryn: Too true... wow...

Stay tuned for the REAL episode!


Last edited by TenthSeedZed32 on March 7th 2021, 7:19 pm; edited 1 time in total

Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

March 7th 2021, 7:19 pm
Episode 3: The Inevitable Family Reunion, Part I (The REAL Episode)

Scene 1: Goldenian Nature Trail: Late Morning

The Crystalbound, along with Kendall, Gazzo and Erik, walk along the Goldenian Nature Trail, a path with woodland to their left and right. Brocc looks over at Gazzo, who grins widely, revealing his long, crooked teeth.

Brocc: The Me is THIS goober still following us around...?

Gazzo: Well, I'm just making sure that... heeeeeeey...?!

Gazzo points his thumb over his shoulder at Kendall.

Gazzo: Oi! Poopy-doodoo!

Kendall: Ry rame rih Renruhrrrrr! ("My name is Kendalrrrrr!")

Gazzo: Yeah, yeah, I ruv you too, Fido. Anyway-

Kendall: Ryroh?! ("Fido?!")

Zed: Silly Kendall! Gary didn't call you Iroh, because Uncle Iroh is a FICTIONAL character! Silly Renruhrrrrr, hahaha!

Gazzo: Oh... THAT'S your name?

Kendall: Rerrr, RUH! ("Well, DUH!")

Gazzo: Oh... sorry, Kennel. Here, have a treat.

Gazzo flips a coin into Kendall’s hand. Kendall sniffs it.

Gazzo: It's carob.

Kendall freaks out.

Kendall: RAROB?! ("CAROB?!")

Gazzo: It… well… yeah! Real chocolate is lethal to dogs, innit?

Kendall: Rih roo ruh rohr ree ruh ROG?! ("Did you just call me a DOG?!")

Gazzo: D'aw, you're welcome, Kennel. Good boy.

Gazzo grins at Brocc.

Gazzo: Isn't 'e just the cutest little pup?

Brocc: Yeah... HE is.

Bryn: Ooh... sick BURN, Brocc. Teehee!

Gazzo: Yeah, yeah, very funny, Greenie... heeeeeeey, did YOU just make a crack about that time I was LITERALLY burned?!

Zed: LIT-erally... HA! I get it!

Bryn: You try stealing from a pyromancer, you suffer equivalent consequences.

Gazzo: I told you NEVER ta speak of it again!

Brocc: So what happened, exactly?

Bryn: Well-

Gazzo: Bryn, you dare...

Bryn: Okay then! Well, he swiped a huge lump of red corundum crystal from a firetouched woman, before sneaking to her-

Gazzo: Bryn-

Bryn: -window, at which point she scorched his hiney as he climbed through the-

Gazzo: Bryn-

Bryn: -window, THEN he fell face-first onto a soba grill directly underneath the-

Gazzo: Bryn, I swear I'm gonna-

Bryn: -window, disorienting him and forcing him to stumble through a bunch of pyrotechnics set up for that year's Dragon Parade, with one catching onto his pants and flinging him through another-

Suddenly, a scream sounds out across the nature trail.

Gazzo: Phew, saved by the... I-I mean... wh-what the Bok...?

A dust cloud moves towards the party at a frightening speed.

Thobrun: Look, up in the dirt! It's a fast-running flightless bird, perhaps a hyperchook!

Mak: It's a portal into another plane!

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Mak: Planar portal!

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Mak: Planar portal!

Thobrun: HYPER! CHOOK!


Emily: Oh boy... they'll be squabbling for Axian hours...

Amethyst: The irony being that neither is actually correct.

Bryn: But if it's not a bird or a plane, then what-

Brocc: What the ME?!

Bryn: What are you on about, Muttbunch?

Brocc: It’s-

The dust cloud charges towards the party, stopping just short of it. Brocc steps forward, and the dust settles, revealing a female gnome with lime green hair.

Brocc: -my sister!

The party appears flabbergasted, all except Bryn and Erik.


Gazzo: Ooh, "The Mutt Bunch"... let's call our team that! Kennel can be our team's mascot.

Kendall: Rohr ruh rast ryh... I am not a DOG! ("For the last time... Ry ram roh ruh ROG!")

The party appears flabbergasted, all except Bryn and Erik.

Bryn: Aaaaand... Kenny is the first of us to break character this ep. Honestly thought it'd be this goober.

Gazzo: Heheh, yeah, you're... heeeeey...?!

Gazzo's thoughts: That's it! I'm prankin' ya SO hard tonight, Brynwon, heehee...

Zed's thoughts: That's her name, don't wear it out!

Mak: -portal!

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Mak: Planar portal!

Thobrun: Hyper-

Opening Credits


Scene 2: Goldenian Nature Trail: Late Morning

Thobrun: -chook!

Mak: Planar portal!

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Mak: Planar-

Bryn looks at the female gnome.

Bryn: Since when do you have a sister, Brocc?

Brocc: I have five sisters! I never shut up about them!

Bryn: Wow, the only boy in a litter of six...

Brocc: I HAVE brothers too, y'know!

Bryn: Oh yeah... you mentioned having five sisters and three brothers.

Sister: "Three"?

Brocc: Yep, eight siblings! A family of nine!

Sister: But there are TEN of us, Brockie!

Brocc: I have no idea what you mean, Katalina.

Brocc's sister smiles.

Katalina: Wait... are you leaving out Sven, as usual? Heehee!

Bryn: Wait... Sven is REAL?! I thought he was just a metaphor, or a thinly veiled reference to me!

Brocc: You're absolutely right, Brynnie. Sven is a metaphor... and NOTHING else!

Katalina: Oh, Brockie! I've missed you and your obnoxious tendencies!

The gnome locks Brocc inside a massive hug. Brocc struggles to speak.

Brocc: ACK... Kallie, please! We have... ACK... company!

Erik finally speaks.

Erik: Sven is indeed real. I've met him once or twice... such gripping conversations, let me tell you... truly inspiring...

Zed looks at Erik.

Zed: Are... we talking about the same "this salt and pepper squid is like fried squid saturated with too much salt and pepper" Sven?

Erik: Possibly. Also... Amethyst?

Amethyst: Spoilers, sweetie.

Erik: Much obliged.

Bryn: But how did you know it was her, and not just a-

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Bryn: -or a-

Mak: Planar portal!

Bryn: Y'know, NORMAL things to see on an adventure?

Brocc: I’ll field this one.

Brocc pulls a chart from seemingly out of nowhere and picks up a suspiciously straight stick from the ground.

Brocc: A bunch of animals messaged Kallie via relay that I was nearby, so she came running toward us as fast as a-

Mak: Planar portal!

Brocc: Eh, close enough.

Brocc slightly pulls down the chart, causing it to fly up and disappear. He then drops the stick to the ground, causing a loud fart sound to appear.

Bryn: The Brocc are there fartcrawlers here?!

Brocc: Oh, they must've planted a contingency colony somewhere that your lotion couldn't reach.

Bryn: WHAT?! *fart*

Katalina giggles.

Katalina: Oh, you two are just like an old married couple!

Bryn and Brocc suddenly panic.

Bryn: What the *fart*?!

Brocc: That's not funny, Kallie!

Bryn: Oh, I plucked one! Just stand still, Br*fart*...

Brocc: AAH! NO NO NO!

Bryn begins chasing Brocc in circles around the party. Katalina smiles and giggles nervously.

Thobrun: -chook!

Mak: Planar portal!

Thobrun: Hyper-

Scene 3: The Bronzed Axolotl Tavern: Early Afternoon

The party, along with Katalina, sits at two tables which happen to be located right near each other. Thobrun and Mak's voices are silenced.

Bryn: Oh, thank Brocc for that potion of regular, not-star-based muteness...

Brocc: You're welcome! I mean, I also can't stand it when people blabber on and on and on...

Bryn: I see irony isn't lost on YOU, then...

Emily: I trust this formula is reversible?

Bryn: Yeah, unlike that LOTION given to me by that druid dude... *fart*

Kendall walks up to the table carrying three mugs.

Kendall: To be fair, they DO serve your antagonist, yes? ("Roo ree rare, ray ROO rurrr rohrr ranrarorhrrr, ress?")

Zed: You're right, Kennel. It may be sabotage.

Bryn: Hey, yeah! You're *fart* ...I think I'm gonna step outside...

Katalina: Mind if I come with? I wanna tune my violin.

Bryn: Sure. *fart* Lousy Broccing *fart*crawlers...

Bryn and Katalina leave.

Zed: Ooh, fruit punch!

Zed sniffs his drink and sets it down gently.

Zed: It's chicken gaspacho.

Kendall: What?! ("Rohr?!")

Kendall sniffs it.

Kendall: Oh yeah. ("Roh rehr.")

Zed: It's a good thing I also enjoy chicken soup.

Kendall leaves the table, taking the fruit punch with him. Bryn is somehow briefly visible despite being outside, suggesting a sloppy edit.

Zed: Or you could take it back and swap it for store credit... I guess... oh, I could use it to buy a new ooh, shiny instead!

Gazzo pulls out a chair and sits next to Zed.

Gazzo: Hey, uh... Zedward, was it?

Zed: Zedsteve Stupidmute, actually.

Gazzo: That too. Anywho, here.

Gazzo places a small bottle filled with golden-yellow liquid into Zed’s ungloved hands.

Zed: Ooh, shiny...

Gazzo: Could ya please step outside and give this ta Bryn? I don't wanna be the one caught for what the Bok are ya doing...?

Zed uncorks the bottle and begins drinking from it. Bryn walks back to the table.

Bryn: Okay, I THINK that's the last of those lousy-

Bryn sees Zed drinking from the bottle and panics.

Bryn: Zed, don’t drink that!

Bryn’s words arrive too late, Zed having drunk the last drop.

Zed: How come?

Bryn: Because I wanted to drink-

Zed’s clothes begin to shimmer, right down to his bare feet.

Zed: Hey, that tickles! Hahaha!

All of a sudden, Zed’s outer clothes disappear, revealing both his crystal and his pair of pale blue boxer shorts.

Zed: Ooh, hiney!

Bryn makes a sly grin.

Bryn: Maybe I lucked out on this one, heheheh...

Gazzo: Welp, THAT didn't work out as intended...

Brocc quivers.

Brocc: You must be cold, Zed. It's making ME feel chilly... brr...

Zed: Is this really what I look like...? Why is my skin so pale? Am I an umpire?

Katalina screams from outside.

Brocc: Kallie!

Scene 4: Outside The Bronzed Axolotl Tavern: Early Afternoon

Bryn, Brocc and Thobrun race outside. Katalina appears distressed.

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Bryn: Well, looks like the potion wore off...

Brocc: Kallie! Kallie! What happened?!

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Katalina: Well-

Brocc grabs Katalina and begins shaking her.

Brocc: Katalina! We must stay calm! Don’t panic! No-one panic! EVERYBODY, STOP PANICKING!

Bryn pulls Brocc away and slaps his face. Brocc snaps back to his senses.

Thobrun: Hyper... wait... how did we get here...?

Bryn: Glad to see at least ONE of you has snapped back to their senses.

Brocc: Make that two.

Katalina: A bear stole my violin. It’s my most cherished possession.

Bryn: That freaking druid and his freaking bear!

Brocc: Now, now, Bryn. It could be a completely different bear.

Bryn: Are you kidding? This is the kind of series that puts an emphasis on one of a certain thing. One elf, one dwarf, one halfling, one half-orc-

Brocc: -and TWO gnomes? Well... nine gnomes, anyway?

Katalina: TEN gnomes, Brocc.

Brocc: Fine. Nine gnomes plus one. Ku... no... Ichi.

Bryn laughs loudly through her nose.

Bryn: Brocc, you just called yourself a lady ninja!

Brocc: Actually, that's another character altogether. She's good friends with my sister Kati.

Bryn: So you know this kunoichi, Katalina?

Katalina: Not personally, but our sister Kati does.

Bryn: But... I thought that-

Brocc: Bryn, Katalina and Katréne are COMPLETELY different people!

Bryn: Oh... NOW it makes sense.

Brocc: It does?

Bryn: Yeah. Gnome names are weird.

Brocc: The Me are you talking about?

Bryn: Well, I mean... Katalina and Katréne are easy to mix up, right? And you have a brother named Sven, which just so happens to be the same as THREE of your middle names-

Brocc: No it isn't!

Bryn: Brocc, I've read your character sheet. Come on.

Brocc: Oh, my sheet...

Bryn: And your third middle name is Svetlana, so it wouldn't surprise me if you have ANOTHER sister named-

Erik's voice: Do I hear spoilers out there? Am I going to have to advance the plot again?

Bryn: False alarm, Erik!

Erik's voice: Very well.

Bryn: How uncharacteristically naïve of that seahorse...

Katalina: The bear went that way.

Katalina points into a forested area.

Brocc: Right, i’m going in!

Bryn: Okay, have fun!

Brocc: Will do!

Brocc rushes into the forest.


Thobrun: Aren't you going to talk him out of it?

Bryn: What's the point? He's just gonna do whatever he wants, anyway.

Thobrun: True... well, I'm going to look for berries.

Katalina: Be vigilant! The purple ones are boysenous!

Thobrun: I'm a paladin. Vigilance is my middle name. And I LOVE fresh boysenberries!

Thobrun enters the forest.


Bryn: Yet more bad grammar... and I thought his middle name was "Angus".

We cut to a view of a window on the side of the building. A faery with clear, cyan wings observes Zed.

Faery: Hello? HEY!

To be Continued...

Closing Credits


I love you Once NintendoPurist... Always NintendoPurist...

Once... Always... Forever...
Rising... Soaring... Climbing...
Zooming... Elevating... Deepening...

I am... NintendoPuristForever... I love you

Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

March 8th 2021, 7:52 pm
Episode 4: The Inevitable Family Reunion, Part II

Scene 1: The Bronzed Axolotl Tavern: Mid Afternoon

Zed stands outside the tavern, in deep thought.

Zed’s thoughts: I have a feeling… that I’m being watched by a tiny, winged magical creature…

Argen flashes onto the top of Zed’s head.

Argen: Well, DUH! I've been watching you this whole time!

Zed: No, it wasn't you, Steve...

Argen: Of course it was! I mean... I AM a tiny, winged magical creature, right?

Zed: Well, yes, but you're a Dragon-type, right?

Argen: Uh... I'm a whatnow?

Zed: But the thing that's watching me is a FAIRY-type.

Argen: A fair-

Argen's eyes suddenly bulge into what resembled a built-in piece of clipart.


Argen flashes away. Zed sighs.

Zed: Silly Steve! "One" and "Exclamation Mark" are COMPLETELY different alphanumeric symbols! Silly Steve!

Zed begins entering the forest. After about five steps, the faery flies in front of Zed’s face.

Faery: Hello!

Zed: Ooh, shiny!

Faery: Hey!

Zed: Azure? What kind of name is-

Faery: Listen!

Zed: Ooh, that's my favourite colour!

Faery: Hello!

The faery sits on top of Zed’s head.

Zed: Yeah, sure! I'm always open to travelling into the woods with a tiny person perched on my head.

Faery: Hey!

Zed: Sorry, a "fairy". Ooh, does that mean you know all the creatures that live in this forest?

The faery flies in front of Zed’s face.

Faery: Listen!

Zed: A dragon, you say? I've never met a real dragon...

Faery: Hey!

Zed: Well, except for Steve. And Janitor Steve of Stupidsteve Academy for Young Steves in Steveria City...

Faery: Listen!

Zed: Oh, and my spellsword teacher Crynock from another world on the opposite side of reality who I've forgotten according to the script and would cause Erik to seriously flip out if he knew I mentioned it just now.

Erik's voice: OH, FOR BROCC'S SAKE!

Faery: Watch out!

Zed: Nah, pretty sure that was due to an unrelated incident involving Makkaronicheese.

Mak's voice: It's... Makkmak.

Faery: Listen!

Zed: All the time. Erik says it's due to the fourth wall being more flexible than people think. Now let's find the ooh, shiny... I mean the ooh, dragon...

Zed swiftly walks away from the faery and into the forest.

Faery: Hey!

The faery begins to follow Zed.

Zed: I never not seek an ooh, shiny dragon... even if the chance of finding one is under 9,000...

Opening Credits


Scene 2: The Bronzed Axolotl Tavern: Late Afternoon

Erik walks up to the tables. Mak stands up.

Mak: Oh, hey, Horsie.

Erik: It's... Herikios.

Mak: “Herikios”…? That's almost as bad as Brynwon!

Erik: "That's my name, don't wear it out!"

Mak panics.

Mak: Wow, that was a surprisingly accurate impression of Bryn... like, REALLY surprising!

Erik: Why, thank you. Impressions are kind of my thing.

Mak: Mine too... hey, I guess we have something in common! *clears throat* "OH, FOR BROCC'S SAKE!"

Erik: Is... that really what I sound like?

Amethyst: Indeed it is. Trés bien, cher Makkrylic.

Mak: It's... Makkmak.

Amethyst: Is there an echo in here?

Erik: Well then, I suppose we're even in terms of impressionism.

Mak: Uh... yeah, sure... great...

Mak exhales sharply through his nose.

Mak: *mumbles* I'm WAY better than you, Erik...

Scene 3: Forest: Late Afternoon

Zed walks through the forest, pursued by the tiny faery.

Faery: Hello?

Zed: Yep! Then dust a little sugar on top, and... TA-DA! It's a wittle bebeh MAKKMAK!

Faery: Listen!

Zed: I mean... TA-DA! It's a vanilla cream SPONGE CAKE! I always get those two things confused, heheh...

Both Zed and the faery stop moving. The faery appears surprised.

Faery: Watch out!

The faery flies toward a person resembling a humanoid dragon with golden scales. He has short, scruffy, golden-brown hair on top of his head and a monkey-like tail with similar-coloured fur; the tail slowly sways around and twitches behind his back. He sits on the ground with his legs crossed and his clawed hands in his lap. His eyes are closed, as though he is in a deep trance.

Faery: Hey!

Zed: Ooh, shiny... Azure, use Sleep Powder!

Faery: Hello!

Zed: Good! Now use Dazzling Gleam, because it's ooh, shiny AND ooh, super-effective...

Dragonoid: I feel I must point out that I am not a dragon.

Both Zed and the Faery appear shocked.

Zed: You can TALK?!

Dragonoid: Are you aware that you are half-naked?

Faery: Watch out!

Dragonoid: I suppose we should introduce ourselves to... ourselves.

The person opens his eyes and carefully stands to his clawed, three-toed feet.

Dragonoid: I am Tamamaki.

Zed: I am Zed Steve Starsteve, from Silversteve.

Faery: Hello!

Tamamaki: It is nice to meet you, Zander.

Zed: Actually, it's pronounced "uh-ZOO-uh"... or "AZ-uhr" if you're Americonic...

Tamamaki: I was, in fact, referring to you by your true name.

Zed appears surprised.

Zed: Wait... so... my name ISN'T Steve?!

Tamamaki: It is not.

Zed: But... Zander sounds weird! What does it even mean?!

Tamamaki: "Defender of Being".

Faery: Listen!

Zed: Oh... then what does Steve mean?

Tamamaki: "One who is always there".

Zed: That explains all the Steves in this place...

Faery: Watch out!

Tamamaki looks at the faery.

Tamamaki: That is most amusing, if not a little vulgar for the tone of this series.

Faery: Hey!

Tamamaki: I warn you, I am a waterflexer, and I have also mastered the soapflexing technique.

Faery: Listen!

A superimposed gush of pink water sprays into Azure.

Zed: You shouldn't have said the F word, Azure. That's a VERY bad word indeed!

Tamamaki closes his eyes.

Tamamaki: You are wise beyond your years, Zander.

Zed: That's what Miss Amethyst always says to me. See this silver star on my... well, it's been teleported to another plane, along with the rest of my outfit, but she gave it to me for being a very good student. Then I got another one for thanking her for the first one. I only have three right now, but I'm working hard to earn the other nine.

Azure stares at Tamamaki, an expression of shock spreading across his face. A shimmer of sparkles falls from Azure's wings as he freaks out.

Azure: Hey!

Tamamaki: Then I advise you to watch your language around others. They may not be so lenient as I.

Azure: Listen!

Zed: Oh yes, ESPECIALLY Mak.

Tamamaki: Oh, you are friends with Makkmak Clay, whose breath just REEKS of garlic?

Zed: Actually, yes. In fact, you're the second person to ask me that, after Mak's old teacher, Miss Steveras.

Azure: Watch out!

Zed: Well, she's KIND of like Professor Tre-

Suddenly, a far-off cry sounds out.


Zed: Ooh, that sounds like a Grass-type magical creature!

Azure: Hey!

Zed: Azure, that's rude!

Azure: Listen!

Zed: I'm gonna look for the creature! Tamamaki, take extra special care of my fairy friend!

Tamamaki: Gladly.

Zed races towards the source of Brocc's voice.

Azure: Watch out!

Another superimposed gush of pink water sprays into Azure.

Tamamaki's voice: I warned you, Azure!

To be Continued...

Closing Credits


Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

September 20th 2021, 9:37 pm
Episode 5: The Deep-Forest Street Fight, Part I

Scene 1: Outside Bear’s Cave: Late Afternoon

Zed, Azure and Tamamaki arrive at the entrance to a cave. A bear has Brocc cornered to a wall. Thobrun lies unconscious next to a large boulder.

Zed: Wow, an Ursaring!

Azure: Hey!

Zed: Ooh... maybe it’s a regional variant. A Silverian Ursaring! I wonder what type it is...

Brocc looks over at Zed.

Brocc: Oh, Zed! Thank goodness it’s you!

Zed: You forgot to bring Repels, didn’t you?

Brocc: Well, I-

Bryn’s voice: He doesn’t need ‘em, Zeddy, ‘cos he’s his OWN repellent!

Azure: Listen!

Zed: You’re right, Navi. Bryn ISN’T here, meaning she just breached the Fourth Wall. Silly Bryn... hahaha!

Erik’s voice: Oh, for BROCC'S SAKE! Does NO-ONE care for the stability of continuity around here?!

Zed: And now ERIK’S doing it, hahaha!

Erik’s voice: GAAAAAAAH!

Opening Credits

Scene 2: Uh... same as Scene 1: Late Afternoon

Tamamaki sits down and begins meditating as multiple bleeps are heard in the background.

Azure: Hello?

Tamamaki: I am taking this opportunity to meditate amidst the soothing sounds of nature.

Azure: Listen!

Tamamaki: Precisely.

Zed: Ah, yes... electronic bleeps... truly the call of Naturia at her most natural... naturally.

Azure: Hey!

Zed: “Sarcasm”? What’s that? Is it the name of this Pokémon?! Cool!

The bear roars at Brocc. Brocc begins to panic.

Brocc: Zander, for Me’s sake! DO SOMETHING!

The bear’s snout approaches Brocc’s face. It begins licking his cheek.

Brocc: AAAAAHHH! It’s using Lick! I... can’t... move...

Zed: It must be a Ghost-type Ursaring. Azure, use Dark Pulse!

Azure: Hey!

Zed: What do you MEAN you don’t know Dark Pulse?!

Tamamaki: Neither Azure nor Googoo Honey McFluffykins the Bear are Pokémon.

A Heavy Ball suddenly catches the Bear, dropping to the ground.

Brocc: Shows what YOU know, Uzumaki!

Azure: Hello?

A stream of soapy water washes over Azure.

Tamamaki: I WARNED you, Azure!

Thobrun suddenly sits up.


Thobrun pauses.

Thobrun: Oh, is it bathtime already? Also, why is there a dragon and a fairy here? Are they not mortal enemies?

Zed: That’s what I said!

Thobrun stands to his feet.

Thobrun: Then the dragon must be slain at once! I’ll save you, Fairy-boy!

Zed: Hey! I’m NOT a Fairy boy!

Thobrun readies his axe and starts charging.

Thobrun: YAAAAAAA-

A stream of soapy water washes Thobrun to the ground.

Thobrun’s voice: *SPIT* Ugh... and the AFTERTASTE...

Zed: Serves you right for calling me a Fairy-boy! Bryn and Brocc are right... you really ARE the mean version of you!

Azure: Listen!

Azure is washed by another stream of soapy water.

Zed: And you should know better, Tatl!

Brocc notices Tamamaki.

Brocc: Are you a soapflexer?

Tamamaki: To presume someone is a soapflexer simply because they are able to flex soapy water is to be as gullible as someone who believes the word “gullible” is absent from every dictionary. But yes, I am what you call “soapflexer”.

Brocc walks up to Tamamaki and examines him carefully.

Brocc: Think you can teach me?

Tamamaki: To presume a soapflexer can simply teach a non-soapflexer to soapflex is-

Brocc: Okay, never mind...

Brocc points at Tamamaki.

Brocc: Aha! I challenge you to a duel!

Tamamaki: May I ask why?

Brocc: It is forbidden for a shugenja to turn down the challenge of a shugenja duel against another!

Thobrun: But... you’re not a shugenja.

Brocc: Aha! You are... absolutely correct. I just thought there’d be a shugenja duel, since the title implies some kind of martial arts duel.

Azure flies up to Zed’s right ear.

Azure: Hello?

Zed: Nope. Usually he’s a bit more obnoxious.

Azure: Listen!

Zed: No idea. I guess he needs Bryn nearby before his true silliness reveals itself.

Brocc: GAH! This is all somehow SVEN’S fault! Don’t ask me how, but... it’s ALWAYS Sven! Ooh, that Sven...

Zed giggles.

Zed: Though sometimes I’m WAY off, usually when I’m distracted by something-

Zed sees Azure’s wings shimmer.

Zed: Any chance you could tone down the sparkles, please? I’m trying to figure out what happened to my clo-

Zed looks down.

Zed: Ooh, hiney!

Zed suddenly bends down as a soapy stream narrowly misses him, washing over Azure instead, who shimmers with frustration.

Azure: Hey!

Zed stands, examining a silver bottle cap in his hand.

Zed: I wonder what this bottle cap is doing out here, far from any trace of civilisation.

Thobrun’s voice: Oh, for Petey's SAKE! It’s ONE metal beverage lid in the middle of an otherwise UNSPOILT GLEN! I doubt ANYONE out here is gonna hold it against m-

A splat of mud is seen just off-screen.

Brocc’s voice: That’s where you’re WRONG, ya nature-hatin’ maniac! Good thing I’m a mudflexer, eh? Now I’ve CLEANED UP YOUR ACT!

Zed: By covering him in mud?

Brocc’s voice: Exactly, Zeddy-boy! Wait... uh... what?

Azure: Hey!

Zed: That was a VERY rude word, Ciela! Now Tamamaki’s going to use a VERY powerful soapflex on you!

Tamamaki: I already did, in anticipation of this awful, awful word.

Zed: Whoa... you must be a TIMEFLEXER too!

Azure is knocked by a huge soap bubble popping in front of him, with a tiny splash landing on Zed’s shoulder.

Zed: Whoa... that’s gonna be a SUPER rude one, isn’t it?

Scene 3: Forest: Late Afternoon

We cut to a view of the forest floor. A few sets of footprints lie fresh in the mud. A familiar pair of brown boots step next to them, with their owner kneeling down. Trent removes his right gauntlet and touches one footprint, then grabs some of the soil surrounding it. He stands upright, crumbles it slightly in his palm and sniffs it.

Trent: Hm... smells like, like, dirt or whatever.

Trent throws the soil to the ground and rubs his hand across his thigh, removing the excess. He pulls his gauntlet back on, flexing his fingers as he does so. Kara gracefully lands next to him, her quarterstaff in her right hand.

Kara: And that is important because...?

Trent: What kind of weirdo eats dirt-flavoured cookies?

Kara: Um...

Trent points to the tracks. One set is made up of fairly wide footprints, the other of small, narrow ones.

Trent: Whoa... check out this trail of dirt-flavoured cookie crumbs!

Kara: Teehee! Don’t be silly, Trent-chan. Those are obviously footprints.

Trent shakes his head.

Trent: You disappoint me, Kara. Those are TOTALLY the footprints of the peeps who were EATING the cookies.

Kara: Sō desu ka...? (Is that so...?)

Trent: You know it.

Kara: Then let’s follow them and politely ask for a cookie each!

Trent: You are SO right on. Everyone KNOWS the way for a villainess’ minions to prove themselves a serious threat to the heroes is to be nice to them and ask politely!

Kara: You are so wise, Trent-chan...

Trent: Yup! SO wise that not even a scene transition can interru-

Scene 4: Outside Bear’s Cave: Evening

Zed, Thobrun, Brocc and Tamamaki sit outside the cave surrounding a small fire. The bear is curled up in a ball, fast asleep, with Azure relaxing atop its head.

Zed: MOO! Hahaha!

Thobrun: I... don’t get it.

Zed: The interrupting cow? Interrupts the joke? By mooing?

Thobrun: And just what is a “cow”?

Zed: Well, it’s a... hm... come to think of it, I haven’t seen any cows since I lost my mind... perhaps I dreamt them?

Brocc: Nah, they just don’t exist in this universe.

Zed: What?

Brocc: What? Other universes?! Pfft... hahaha! Good one, Thobrun! What a good, HILARIOUS joke!

Thobrun: But... I didn’t

Erik’s (distant) voice: BROCC! FOR THE LOVE OF (censored), HOW MANY TIMES MUST I (long string of perpetual censored bleeps)

Tamamaki: It appears the audial atmosphere of this location has become... uncomfortable. Please excuse me for one moment.

Zed: You are excused, Tamamaki-coo.

Brocc: Wow, you are so polite, Zed.

Zed: Amethyst says I have good manners.

Thobrun: You most certainly do, lad... unlike the potty mouth who keeps interrupting from elsewhere.

Brocc: Oh, that’s just Erik.

Thobrun: Wait... Erik’s here, in this forest?

Brocc: No, he had to return to his own universe.

Thobrun: What?

Brocc: What? Again with the talk of other universes?! You really ARE a funny guy, Zeddy-boy!

Zed: But... I thought that Thobrun-

Erik’s (distant) voice: BROCC! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I FU-

We hear the distant sound of gushing water.

Erik’s (distant) voice: Ugh... and the AFTERTASTE!

Tamamaki’s (distant) voice: Let this be a valuable lesson, Seahorse.

Erik’s (distant) voice: Yes, Master Shugenja...

Brocc: Uh... what the heck is-

Tamamaki: I have returned.

Brocc: Welcome... back, I guess?

Kara’s voice: Aw, thank you SO much, Mr. Broccoli, teehee!

Trent: And I’m here too, dudes! So can we have some, like, cookies an’ junk?

The bear suddenly awakens, standing up so suddenly that Azure is flung into the air. It roars loudly at Trent and Kara, who are standing very close by. Azure yells at the bear.

Azure: Hey!

Azure suddenly notices Trent and Kara, and turns to greet them.

Azure: Hello?

Zed: Hardly.

Kara: Actually, it’s pronounced “Kara", silly! Teehee!

Azure looks at Kara.

Zed: Oh, yeah... nice to see you again, Kara-silly!

Azure: Listen!

Kari: Aw, your bear is SO cute! Can I pet it?


Kari: Arigatō gozaimasu!

Kara leaps forward and swiftly jabs its pressure points with her hands. The bear collapses to the ground and falls asleep.

Kari: Aw... why do animals always fall asleep when I pet them?

Trent: Uh... I’m no expert on natural wildlife-

Brocc: Aren’t you a druid?

Trent: -but I think petting involves gentle rubbing of fur or somethin’.

Kara: Are you certain?

Trent: Well, not really, but-

Brocc: Dude. Druid. Animals are your brothers or whatever!

Trent: Whoa... that’s SO esoteric, man...

Brocc: GAH! For fun’s sake, Trent... you REALLY are a load of spilt when it comes to animal handling, aren’t you?

Kara: Teehee!

Brocc looks around.

Brocc: Wait... why didn’t Tamamaki spray me with soapflexing?

Tamamaki: Because you did not cuss.

Brocc: What?! Of COURSE I flanking did! There! See? Now soap me the fluke up!

Tamamaki: You are censoring your own dialogue with harmless innuendo. This does not warrant soapflexing.

Brocc pauses. Zed looks at Brocc, who grins.

Brocc: Heh... is it obvious I’m trying desperately to take a bath? And also that I’m biologically incapable of making even one Mudkipliking swear?

Zed: That’s okay, Brocc. I’m also incapable of saying a bleeping cuss word.

Azure: Listen!

Azure is sprayed by another soap spray.

Kara notices Tamamaki.

Kara: Ooh, your soapflexing is as skilled as ever, Tamachan! Teehee!

Tamamaki: Arigatō, Karachan. (Good evening, Cute Friend Kara.)

Brocc: Wait… you two know each other?

Kara: Yup! Tamachan and I are the only on-screen members of an ancient order of martial artists, so naturally that means we have a long and storied rivalry that goes back many years.

Brocc: Hm... makes sense, I suppose.

Kara: Wanna see what I can do?

Brocc scoffs loudly.

Brocc: Are you KIDDING ME?! Of COURSE I wanna-

Kara suddenly punches in Brocc’s direction.


Brocc is suddenly knocked off-screen by a spray of brown liquid, noodles, and white fishcake with pink swirls.

Brocc: Ooh, delicious! My compliments to the chef!

Kara: Aw, thank you, Bro-chan! Teehee!

Tamamaki: Ah, I see you have practiced your soupflexing, old friend. Most impressive.

Kara frowns at Tamamaki.

Kara: Mmm... stop patronising me!

Tamamaki: My words are whole and sincere, old friend.

Kara: Oh... in that case, how about a little duel?

Tamamaki: Indeed. Let us spar, like the good ol’ days.


Tamamaki leaps toward Kara, his fist flying forward. Kara suddenly seems to vanish in a purple blur. Tamamaki sighs.

Tamamaki: Hyperactive as ever... classic Karachan.

Kara’s voice: Up here, teehee!

Kara is standing atop the cave’s mouth.

Thobrun: Uh... did that seem unnaturally swift to anyone else?

Brocc: Thobrun, please. EVERYONE knows anime fight scenes have a whole bunch of faster-than-seen moves and visual effects.

Zed: Yep! Even I know that, and I have amnesia.

Azure: Listen!

Azure is tackled by a stream of ramen.

Azure: Ooh... and the AFTERTASTE!

Trent: The only downside is that the episode always finishes on a cliffhanger just as the duel begi-

To be Continued...

Closing Credits

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