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Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

November 16th 2020, 7:15 am
The story continues... well, some version thereof... Razz

***
Episode 1: The Big City Spoiler Montage, Part I

***
Scene 1: Guild Quarter: Platinia City: Late Morning

The party walks through a busy street. Bryn has a big smile on her face. She opens out her arms.

Bryn: Ah, Platinia City... there's no place like home!

Mak: Hail Dorothy.

Bryn: Why yes, I AM back to my real gender. Thanks for noticing, Makkmak!

Brocc: Bryn, your persona was still female. You were transformed into a male in only a PHYSICAL capacity.

Bryn: Yeah, yeah, just because I was testosterine-

Brocc: Uh... "testosterine" isn't a-

Bryn: Don't interrupt me, Brocc!

Brocc: You interrupted ME, Br-

Bryn: Because YOU interrupted me FIRST, Br-

Thobrun: SHUT THE BRYN AND BROCC UP!

Everyone shuts up.

Thobrun: Good. Let's try to stay this way until we get to the tavern, hm?

Everyone continues walking. After a moment, a crossbow bolt strikes Bryn in her left upper arm. She cries out in pain.

Bryn: OW!

Brocc pauses.

Brocc: …what the Brocc?!

Bryn: Someone shot me!

Brocc: Oh, crap... oh, crap...

Brocc sniffs the air as he walks past a manure cart.

Brocc: Oh, LITERAL crap... this is bad... this is bad...

Bryn: Calm down, Brocc.

Brocc: Calm down?! Do you have ANY idea what just happened?!

Bryn: Yeah, I've been shot in the arm. Pretty sure I know who did it and why, so no big deal.

Brocc: No big deal...? This is the WORST thing you've ever done!

Bryn: Me?! I didn't shoot MYSELF, dumdum!

Brocc: No. You did something much, MUCH worse...

Bryn: Which is?

Brocc: You spoke after Thobrun told us to shut up.

Bryn's eyes widen as we hear a sound reminiscent of a whistling kettle grow louder and louder. We cut to a view of Thobrun; his face is pink, and a jet of steam is being expelled from each ear.

Bryn: ...oops.

***
Opening Credits

***
Scene 2: Temple of Marilina: Early Afternoon

Bryn sits on a stretcher inside a room of silvery-grey brick. Emily stands nearby holding a cloth soaked with alcohol.

Bryn: OOOOOOOOWOWOWOWOW! It stings!

Emily: I have yet to apply the cloth to your wound.

Bryn: Oh. Okay then.

Emily applies the cloth to Bryn’s arm.

Bryn: Oh, that doesn’t sting anywhere near as much as I thought it wou-

Bryn’s eyes suddenly open wide.

Bryn: *BLEEP*?! *BLEEP* *BLEEP* *BLEEP*ing *BLEEP* *BLEEP*! This *BLEEP* is *BLEEP* *BLEEP*, and *BLEEP* is SO gonna *BLEEP* *BLEEP* when I *BLEEP* *BLEEP* that *BLEEP*ing *BLEEP* green *BLEEP* hair of his! And another thing, *BLEEP* *BLEEP* ooh, that *BLEEP* is NOT a *BLEEP*ing *BLEEP* *BLEEP*-

We cut to a view of Emily and Mak as Bryn’s speech continues to be censored in the background. Mak is holding a device with a red button labelled “Stress-B-Gone mini”, with the bleeps sounding out with each press. Emily raises an eyebrow at Mak, who stops pressing the button with a sheepish, apologetic grin.

Bryn: -banana muffin fundraiser! And THAT is why I both appreciate AND support the services of the Temple of Marilina despite my patron being a completely different Celestial Being.

Emily gently rubs the wound with the cloth.

Emily: Much obliged, Brynwon.

Bryn: That’s my name! Don’t wear it out!

Mak: Don’t wear what out...?

Bryn: Brynwon!

Mak: Brynwon? As in your name, Brynwon?

Bryn: Yes, as in my name, Brynwon. My name, which is Brynwon... please don’t wear it out.

Emily: Okay, we will not wear out your name, Brynwon.

Mak: Yes, Brynwon, we will not wear out the name Brynwon.

Bryn: Thank you both for not wearing out my name... which is Brynwon.

Mak: By the way, Brynwon, it’s the Dragon Festival.

Bryn: The DRAGON Festival?! WOO-HOO! We’re just in time for my favourite festival of the year!

Mak: I thought your favourite festival was the Party Festival because, and I quote: (cue overly-exaggerated Cockney accent) “Oi can does wha’evah Oi loikes, an’ NONE o’ youse lots is gonna do nuffink abou’ it!”.

Bryn: Hey, that sounds NUFFINK like me!

Mak: Wo’evah ya says, ya Cockney guvna birdie putt...

Bryn: HEY! Enough with the terrible impressions! That’s BROCC’s schtick!

Mak: Mmph... fine...

Bryn: Thank you, Makksimus! *razzes*

Mak: It’s... Makkmak.

Bryn: Oh yeah. Silly me! Wait... “Makkmak”...? But that’s... that’s...

Bryn giggles. Mak looks over at Emily.

Mak: Uh… what’s with her?

Emily: I gave her a remedy to ease the pain. It seems I may have made it a little bit too strong.

Bryn looks over at Mak. A smirk appears on her face.

Bryn: BFFFFFFFFAHAHAHAHA! That’s as silly-sounding as Brynwon! Silly... sounding... sssssssilly... sssssssyl... sssssyl hoooooman... Emil-il-il-il-il-il-ilyyyyyy the sssssilly sssssyl hoooooman... and Mak-ak-akka-mak-ak-ak-ak the hawwwwwf-or-kor-korc... hawwwwwfff hooooooo-OOO-oooooman... or-kor-korc Mama... hoooooman Dada... Makkmakkmakkmakkmak... TA-DAAAAAAA! It’s-a wittle bebbeh MAKKMAK!

Mak (to Emily): A “little bit” too strong?

Bryn laughs uncontrollably.

Bryn: HAHAHAHAHA! Heh... ... ... ... ... “Cabbages”...

Bryn faints.

Scene 3: Kisetsu Town: Early Afternoon

Zed, Amethyst, Thobrun and Brocc sit at a table in a Kisetsuese restaurant. The smells of various dishes tantalise their noses. Zed is eating a bowl of noodles with fried sweet bean curd.

Zed: Ooh, briny!

Brocc: Actually, that broth is made with bean juice, not brine.

Zed: Really? I thought the whole thing about beans being fruit was just a myth.

Amethyst: You are correct, mon cher. Beans are, in fact, legumes.

Brocc: Well, yeah. EVERYONE knows that fact, Amejisto!

Amethyst: Whomst?

Brocc: I-I mean... “Amethyst”...

Amethyst: Spoilers, sweetie.

Zed: Well... how can you juice beans if they aren’t actually fruit?

Thobrun: Well, the same way you’d juice tomatoes, I assume.

Brocc: Uh... Thobrun? Tomatoes ARE fruit.

Thobrun: Poppybrocc! Next thing, you’ll be telling me that ketchup is traditionally made from fish and that potaytoes and potahtoes are the same thing!

Brocc: Okay, dude, are you SERIOUSLY trying to mess with me?

Zed: Yeah, Thobrun. Everyone KNOWS there’s no such things as potoroos!

Brocc: No, Zed, he... you know what? Never mind. I think I’m just gonna go to Little Verdelvum and order some tasty mac n’ cheese with just a HINT of garlic.

A woman at another table turns to face Zed.

Woman: Forgive me for interrupting your meal. Did I overhear that you are very good acquaintances with Makkmak Clay, whose breath just REEKS of garlic?

Zed: Uh… not exactly, though funnily enough we ARE very good acquaintances with Makkmak Clay, whose breath just REEKS of garlic.

Woman: Then it is you...

Zed: M-Me?! I mean... WHAT?!

Woman: Indeed. You are the one who was brought to this world by a seahorse.

Zed: Whoa… then the rumours ARE true...

Mak: What?! Those rumours about my breath are exaggerated at best!

Mak and Bryn unexpectedly stand at the table.

Brocc: EEP! How did you do that?!

Mak: I’ll tell you how I did it if you tell me how YOU do it first.

Brocc: NEVAH! Nevah shall I EVAH, FELLAH!

Mak: It’s... Makkmak.

Woman: My, my, little Makkmak, how you and your musk have grown.

Zed: Actually, it’s pronounced, “MUSS-ools”.

Mak’s eyes suddenly widen. He suddenly points at the woman.

Mak: Wait a minute… I know you! You were my school teacher!

Ceras smiles.

Ceras: I see you are as observant as ever.

Brocc: HEY! Only BRYN is allowed to condescend Mak!

Mak: Actually, she was being sincere.

Brocc: WHUUUUUUUH...?

Bryn: Not everyone in this parody uses thinly-veiled insults, Gratekin!

Ceras: Makkmak here was my brightest pupil, excelling in all his academic endeavours.

Brocc: And yet he settled on being a hulking, meat-fisted, meat-headed-

Mak: Mmmff...

Brocc: Utting the Shocc brup.

Ceras: In any case, I would like to invite this young seacolt to my shop. I will explain more there.

Zed slurps the last of his udon for a ridiculously long time. Zed turns to face Ceras.

Zed: Yatta! (“Yah, sure, you betcha!”)

Ceras: After you finish your meal, of course.

Zed: Oh, good. I was hoping I could finish the rest of my-

Zed notices a particularly-large tempura prawn.

Zed: Ooh, fry-ny!

Zed stabs the prawn with his fork and takes a bite.

Scene 4: Thieves’ Guild: Early Afternoon

Bryn enters the Thieves’ Guild, her left upper arm tightly-bandaged. The room is filled with many roguish individuals from a multitude of races, most notably humans and halflings. Bryn seems to be looking for someone.

Bryn’s thoughts: Okay, where can I find…aha! Perfect!

Bryn walks up to a bolgard, who has his back facing her. Bryn taps him on the shoulder with her right hand.

Bryn: Oi! Broccface!

The bolgard turns to face Bryn. He is about Bryn’s height, with olive skin, a large nose and a small tuft of dark grey hair on top of his head. A scowl is spread across his face.

Bolgard: Who are ya callin’ “Broccface”, Sven-for-brains?!

Both individuals scowl at each other, seemingly in a standoff of intimidation. Then both individuals laugh heartily and briefly clench each other’s right forearms.

Bolgard: Bryn! It’s so good to-

Bryn punches Gazzo in the arm.

Gazzo: OW! Is THAT how ya greet an old-

Bryn punches Gazzo in the arm.

Gazzo: Seriously, what the Br-

Bryn punches Gazzo in the arm.

Gazzo: BRYN!

Bryn: THAT’S for slippin’ that potion of gender-flipping into my drink! I was a man for a whole year!

Gazzo: Well, I… wait... why didn’t you take the antidote?

Bryn: ... what, uh... what antidote...?

Gazzo: You’re kidding, right?

Bryn: No...?

Gazzo: Well, when I pulled that prank, I gave your party leader a bottle filled with a blend of cucumber, muddvak cheese and Archaelian fruits.

Bryn: Wait... that sounds suspiciously similar to that lotion the druid dude gave me...

Gazzo: So you didn’t get my antidote back then? Heh... your leader probably thought it was fruity aioli dip and ate it!

Bryn: WHAT?!

Gazzo examines Bryn’s arm.

Gazzo: Ah, I see ya found my latest gift!

Bryn: Yeah, but the delivery coulda been gentler.

Gazzo’s eyes widen.

Gazzo: Hey, hey, ya know what I’m like!

Bryn: Yeah, yeah, I know...

Bryn removes the crossbow bolt from her belt. It is entirely made of metal, which glistens and sparkles beautifully.

Gazzo: If ya don’t like it, I can-

Bryn: Oh, no you don’t! This thing was embedded in my arm. The LEAST you can do is let me keep this “gift”!

Gazzo: Awright, awright... just don’t ask about the type of alloy used in it.

Bryn: Why not?

Gazzo: To quote your elf friend, “Spoilers, sweetie.”

Bryn: Wow, that was a surprisingly accurate impression of Amethyst.

Gazzo chuckles.

Gazzo: Well, we all have our talents, like your amazing ability to-

Bryn: Gazzo...

Gazzo: Sorry... now come on, ya brother, Guildmaster Rowen, is waiting.

Bryn: Good, I’ve been meaning to... wait... Rowie is the WHAT?!

Scene 5: Guild Leader’s Chamber: Thieves’ Guild: Mid Afternoon

A kindred with short, wavy, dirty-blonde hair sits on a rather ornate chair. The doors at the far side of the room swing open, revealing Gazzo and Bryn. The two thieves approach the chair and stand facing the halfling. Gazzo clears his throat.

Gazzo: Guild Leader Rowen, I present Her Royal Greatness, Mademoiselle Fartnugget of Platinia.

Bryn punches Gazzo in the arm.

Bryn: I’ll “Fartnugget” you, Gazzo!

Rowen leaps to his feet and walks over to Bryn. He smiles and opens his arms wide. Bryn smiles back and opens her arms, and the two siblings embrace. They let go of each other.

Bryn: It’s so good to see you again, brother.

Rowen grins widely.

Bryn: Oh, YOU can talk! I know you’re the one who-

Rowen nods.

Bryn: Really? THAT’S why you swiped it?

Brocc suddenly stands next to Bryn.

Brocc: Swiped what?

Bryn cries out.

Bryn: Oh, for Brocc’s sake! Stop doing that!

Brocc: No.

Bryn: Why, you same-sized...

Brocc: So what’s everyone doing here?

Bryn: Uh... this is the Thieves’ Guild. Where thieves hang out.

Brocc: Okay...?

Bryn: Which is us.

Brocc: Hey, I’m not a thief! I’m a-

Rowen quietly clears his throat, a stern look on his face.

Brocc: What...? How could you POSSIBLY know THAT, Bryn’s brother?!

Bryn: He has a name, you know!

Brocc: Well, I don’t know his name, Mary Sue!

Gazzo holds his right hand behind his head and grins, a large drop of sweat sliding down the left side of his face.

Gazzo: Uh... can we wrap this up before the Karaoke Contest?

Brocc: Oh, I LOVE karaoke!

Oooooooh-

Bryn trips up Brocc.

Brocc: -AAAAAAAAH! *THUD*

Bryn: Now that THAT’S taken care of...

Brocc stands to his feet.

Bryn: …I wanna show you what this goober gave me.

Brocc: Hey, I’m NOT a goober!

Bryn: Not you, the OTHER goober.

Gazzo: Heehee... ... ... ... ... ... ... hey!

Bryn hands the bolt to Rowen, who examines it closely.

Bryn: Nice, huh?

A puzzled look spreads across Rowen’s face.

Bryn: No Broccing idea whatsoever. It feels like it’d fetch a decent sum.

Brocc: You mean “FLETCH” a decent sum... geddit? Huh? Huh? ‘Cos it’s a-

Bryn trips up Brocc.

Brocc: -AAAAAAAAH! *THUD*

Bryn: Now that THAT’S taken care of... AGAIN...

Brocc stands to his feet.

Bryn: ...any idea what to do with it?

Rowen shakes his head.

Bryn: Well, I’m sure we can-

Erik’s voice: I need to confiscate your crossbow bolt.

Erik enters the room and approaches Rowen. The kindred hands the bolt to him. Erik examines it.

Bryn: Why do you want my bolt, Erik?

Gazzo: And why d’ya expect me ta just HAND it over ta ya, human?

Erik: Ever heard of the Kelpie?

Gazzo: Ya mean that seaweed salad stuff they’re selling in every marketplace in the city over the next two days or so?

Bryn: Gazzo? Plot Devicebound business. Get the Brocc outta here.

Gazzo: Awright, awright, I’m goin’, I’m goin...

Gazzo races out of the room. Erik turns to face Brocc.

Erik: Your presence suggests that Zed is within the city walls.

Brocc: Yep, but he’s on his way to some weird hedge magic shop with Mak’s Cuckoo Cloudclamber elementary school teacher.

Erik’s thoughts: Wait... not good... if Ceras spoils too much of the plot before Zed’s...

Erik looks at Brocc.

Erik: Occbray, eeway eednay ootay ohgay OWNAY. (“Brocc, we need to go NOW.”)

Brocc: Uh...?

Erik: Oilerspay ertalay. Anderzay annotcay ohnay ootay utchmay issthay oonsay tooinay the eazonsay. (“Spoiler alert. Zander cannot know too much this soon into the season.”)

Bryn: Is... he making wisecracks about your preference in-

Erik: Occbray, EASEPLAY! (“Brocc, PLEASE!”)

Bryn: Getting a LITTLE alienated right now...

Brocc: Oh... utbay otway outabay erhay? (“Oh... but what about her?”)

Erik: I’m oreshay she illway ebay inefay. (“I’m sure she will be fine.”)

Brocc: Airfay uffeenay. Etlay’s ohgay and elphay Anderzay! (“Fair enough. Let’s go and help Zander!”)

Erik bows and leaves the room, followed by Brocc. Bryn turns to face them, then turns back to face Rowen.

Bryn: I can’t figure out if they’re gonna auction some items online, or-

Rowen shrugs.

Bryn: That’s what I thought.

To be Continued...

***
Closing Credits

***


Last edited by MyNameIsRyan on January 30th 2024, 1:57 am; edited 3 times in total
RyanNerdyGamer
RyanNerdyGamer
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Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

March 2nd 2021, 2:29 am
Episode 2: The Big-City Spoiler Montage, Part II

***
Opening Credits

***

Scene 1: Crescent Moon Reagents: Mid Afternoon

Ceras opens the door to Crescent Moon Reagents & Bric-a-Brac, a little bell jingling as she does so. She enters, followed by Zed, Mak and Amethyst. Zed immediately notices a large number of items on different shelves, from antique collectables and souvenirs to ingredients for different forms of hedge magic.

Mak: Wait... why was the opening BEFORE the start of the ep...?

Amethyst: I believe the episode is one extended scene.

Mak: But... what about the Dragon Par-

Ceras: Well, here we are.

Zed: Ooh, shiny... Ooh, finey... Ooh, viney... Ooh, dry-ny... Ooh, sweet!

Mak: Wait... what did you-

Zed: Uh! I-I mean... Ooh, twine-y...?

Mak: Oh, good. For a second there I thought you were about to break character.

Ceras: That's a wonderful idea, Makkleficent!

Mak: It's... Makkmak. Also, are you crazy?!

Ceras: Of COURSE I'm not, Makkaque! When have you EVER known me to follow the latest in cultural obsessions?

Mak: Uh... Good point, Miss Cer-

Ceras: Now, let's use popular Twelfth-Star Astrologenic techniques to break the young main character's... well... character.

Zed: Ooh, Steve-y!

Mak: Oh, come on, Zed! You haven't even done the thing yet, so that doesn't even make any what the heck are you-

Zed removes his right gauntlet, exposing his hand.

Zed: Now what?

Mak: Zed, you should REALLY think about-

Ceras swiftly places both hands over Zed’s, and closes her eyes.

Ceras: Too late!

Calling from beyond the sixteenth level...

Mak: Miss Ceras?

Abrakadabra...

Mak: Miss-

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-DA-

Mak: Miss-

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-DEE-

Silvery light envelops Zed’s hand.

Mak: Miss-

DA-da-do... DEE-DEE-DEE-da-da-DEE-DA!

Mak: Miss Ceras!

Ceras: That's my name! Don't wear it out!

***
We cut to Erik, who walks briskly through the city streets.

Erik’s thoughts: Oh no... not the Abra-Kadabra metamorphosis...

Erik looks around.

Erik’s thoughts: Where the Brocc is Brocc…?

***
We cut back to Crescent Moon Reagents. Ceras removes her hands, revealing a pattern on the back of Zed’s hand: a ring of twelve circles, surrounding a second, smaller ring of eight circles; four circles are nestled between the rings, and another circle is located in the centre. A number of dots are scattered throughout the pattern.

Zed: Ooh, pretty...

Ceras: I have revealed that which has been hidden from you, Zed.

Zed: Did I just Mega Evolve?

Ceras: Well-

Erik: Ceras! How many times must Amethyst say, "Spoilers, sweetie!" before you stop spoiling other peoples' lives, not to mention EVERY Starflix series EVER?!

Erik is suddenly standing in the room.

Mak: Wow, that was a surprisingly accurate impression of Amethyst.

Amethyst: Agreed, mon Cher.

Mak: Also, THE BROCC DID YOU COME FROM?!

Erik: Ah, a wizard never reveals his secrets, Makksimile.

Mak: It's... Makkmak.

Erik: Well? What do you have to say for yourself, hm?

Mak: I'm sorry, mister...

Erik: I was, in fact, speaking to your teacher.

Mak: Oh.

Erik: Well?

Ceras: I do not consider revealing a secret part of this young wizard's existence well before it is meant to be known as a "spoiler", my elder.

Mak: Elder? So... Erik is really an old geezer, then? Ah... no disrespect intended, Gramps.

Erik: Fan-Broccing-tastic, Ceras. Anything else you wish to spoil?

Zed: Wait... WHAT'S gonna happen to Amethyst?!

Amethyst: Whatever do you mean, Cher Zed?

Erik: It's nothing, I assure you. Certainly not Zed having vaguely prophetic visions about possible futures in relation to yourself and your allies, at the very least.

Mak: Wait... why are your hands behind your back?

Everybody looks over at a koble who is standing in the doorway.

Koble: Oh, his fingers are-

Erik: Koble, please!

Koble: Oop, sorry! I'll come back later and chat with you, Makkmak! Oh, yes, yes!

The koble flies out of the door.

Mak: It's... Makkmak.

Zed: But that's what he said, Microphone!

Mak: Oh yeah... Hey, wait! That was my old schoolfriend Knight!

Erik: So many spoilers... if we're not careful, I fear a spoiler montage sequence may be trig-

***
Amethyst and Zed stand in a zen garden.

Amethyst: I... am not even a wood elf.

Zed: I know. You're actually a luminelv from the continent of Luminelvum, and you turned into a verdelv on the day of your 100th birthday, beginning a 50-year-long pilgrimage to find the other Plot Devicebound and give them their Plot MacGuffins.

Amethyst: Mm... mostly right, mon Cher.

***
Zed is walking through the woods, a faerie perched on his head.

Azure: Whoa... I'm having the strangest sense of Déjà Vu...

Zed: Silly Azula! This scene hasn't HAPPENED yet! Silly Azula, hahaha!

***
Zed is wandering through the desert, Argen perched on his head.

Argen: Whoa... I'm having the strangest sense of Déjà Vu...

Zed: Illysay Evestay! Issthay eensay asn'thay APPENEDHAY etyay! Illysay Evestay, ahahahay!

***
Zed is standing in his mindscape, with Erik standing nearby.

Erik: Oh, for Brocc's sake... I didn't expect the spoiler montage to go THIS far!

Zed: Whoa... I'm having the strangest sense of Déjà Vu...

Erik: Wait... oh no, a flashback is happening before it happened from your perspective! Don't look, don't look!

Zed: Is that a silver tower...? Ooh, shiny!

Erik: Sigh...

***
Zed is standing inside the ice fortress, his eyes glowing and his voice distorted. In his right hand is a silver longsword.

Zed: Mara! You will... wait... why am I holding a...? Ooh, shiny...

Erik: Zed, snap out of it!

***
Zed blinks. He is back in Crescent Moon Reagents.[/I]

Zed: Wow... so many ooh, shinies...

Erik: Good. I can't STAND spoilers! Now, I must go before anything else is spoiled!

Erik heads for the door.

Zed: Oh, and don't worry. I won't tell anyone that you're really a luminelv, Amethyst.

Brocc: Amethyst is a WHAT?!

Brocc is suddenly standing there.

Erik: Oh... for Brocc's sake!

Scene 2: Busy Street: Late Afternoon

Bryn and Gazzo make their way through a crowd of people.

Bryn: I don’t really need an escort, Gazzo.

Gazzo: Nonsense. As your best friend, confidante and fellow Thieves’ Guildmate, it is my duty to guard you no matter what!

Bryn: If you say so.

Gazzo: Besides, I'm more likely to find the best grub with me best mate by my side!

Bryn: If you say so.

Gazzo: 'Ey, that's the spirit! And don't worry, I'm not gonna give ya a trick potion THIS time!

Bryn: If you say so…

Gazzo's thoughts: I'm gonna give it to the giant born instead... heheheh... I can just imagine the look on his FACE when his clothes-

Shady Guy: Hey, are you friends with Makkmak?

Bryn: Yeah? Name's Bryn, the Loveable Rogue.

Shady Guy: Hi, Bryndee!

Gazzo: An' I'm Gazzo, the... uh...

Bryn: Goofy Goober?

Gazzo: Yeah! ... ... ... ... ... heeeeeeey, wait a minute?!

Shady Guy: Oh... you're the one who's selling the chocolate bolt!

Gazzo: Yep! That's me! What do I call you?

Shady Guy: My name is Guy Overdare. I know because people point at me and say, "Look at that Guy Overdare. What a prawn!" And then I say, "Silly Passerby! I'm not a prawn, they're AQUATIC creatures! Silly Passerby, hahaha!"

Bryn: Sigh... Abridged Guy is a dumb fighter stereotype... I WONDERED how long it'd be until this trope was invoked, considering even OUR Maximilian is a half-orc genius with a sword.

Mak's voice: It's... Makkmak.

Guy: Silly Author! Makkmak isn't even IN this scene! Silly Author, hahaha!

Gazzo hands the crossbow bolt to Guy, who examines it carefully.

Guy: Hm… this isn't made of chocolate.

Gazzo: Oh... it's made of SILVER chocolate! It's like gold chocolate, but with the texture of hard candy!

Guy: Ooh... I LOVE candy! I'll buy it! Thanks, Gooberella!

Gazzo: You're welcome! Waaaaait... Whatchoo call me, punk?!

Mak's voice: It's... Makkmak.

Guy: Silly Author! Makkmak isn't even IN this scene! Silly Author, hahaha!

Erik's voice: Seriously! Won't someone PLEASE think of the Fourth Wall?!

Guy: Silly Author! Eeewiki isn't even IN this scene! Silly Author, hahaha!

Random voice: Please support the S.S.P.B.D.F.W! That's the Silverian Society for the Prevention of Blatant Disregard to the Fourth Wall! Donations being collected right now! Show your support for-

Guy: Ooh... this is just like in The Twin Knights of Zoku, when Briffany declares her love for Kyler and proportses to him on Whatsthetime's Day!

Erik's voice: Seriously?! That's IT! I'm using my ambiguously described powers to advance the plot to the next episode!

Gazzo: Aw, but what about the Song of Moon backdoor pilot subplot? And the Dragon Parade?

Bryn: Yeah! I mean... I didn't-

Episode 3: The Inevitable Family Reunion, Part I

Scene 1: Silverian Nature Trail: Morning

Bryn: -spoil the plot! Oh, for Brocc's sake...

Zed: Are we there yet?

Amethyst: Not yet, mon Cher.

Zed: Aw... okay then.

Bryn: So much for the Dragon Parade...

***
Closing Credits

***


Last edited by MyNameIsRyan on January 30th 2024, 2:00 am; edited 4 times in total
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Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

March 7th 2021, 7:16 pm
Episode 3: The Party-Splitting Family Reunion, Part I

Scene 1: Silverian Nature Trail: Morning

Bryn: -spoil the plot! Oh, for Brocc's sake...

Zed: Are we there yet?

Amethyst: Not yet, mon Cher.

Zed: Aw... okay then.

Bryn: So much for the Dragon Parade...

***
Opening Credits

***

Scene 2: Super-Shorts Theatre: Opening Night

Brocc walks onto the stage.

Brocc: Well, Ladies and Fartnuggets, that was the newest ep of Crystals Abridged. I hope you enjoyed it!

Bryn's voice: Wait... WHAT THE BROCC?!

Bryn stomps onto the stage.

Brocc: That's my name, don't wear it out!

Bryn: This was BARELY a Super-Short at best!

Brocc: Well, DUH! This IS the Super-Shorts Theater! Whaddya expect, Brynwon?

Bryn: Firstly, it's "theatre", not "theater". Try to spell PROPERLY, Unearthed Americana!

Brocc: I fail to see the difference.

Bryn: Secondly, stop ripping off catchphrases!

Brocc: No.

Bryn: Thirdly, I TOLD you not to call me BRYNWON!

Kelvis' voice: Huh huh... huh huh... she said "Brynwon".

Butt-Ned's voice: Heh heh... heh heh... yeah, sounds like "bin wind".

Kelvis' voice: Huh huh...

Butt-Ned's voice: Heh heh...

Brocc: Hey, it's Zander's friends from Wizard School, Buffy and Willow!

Bryn: Actually, I think that-

Brocc: Or was it Ronnie and Madonna...?

Bryn: Uh... isn't that a clown?

Brocc: Whatever. The point is-

Kelvis' voice: Huh huh... huh huh... he said "Point".

Butt-Ned's voice: Heh heh... heh heh... yeah, sounds like "Sven".

Bryn: Uh-oh...

Brocc flips out.

Brocc: WRRRRRRRAAAAAAARRRRRRRGH!

Brocc leaps into the crowd, and generic punching and kicking sound effects are heard, with colourful comic book-style "PUNCH!", "KICK!", "PAZOW!", "9001!", and "KUPO!" effects flinging into the air.

Bryn: They pushed the Sven button.

Voice: You're telling me.

A crudely superimposed Disswey walks onto the stage next to Bryn.

Bryn: Who the Brocc are you?

Disswey speaks with a ridiculously monotone voice similar to Daria Morgendorffer.

Disswey: I'm Disswey. I'm an involuntary acquaintance of his brother Sven.

Bryn: Ouch. Is he really as bad as Brocc claims?

Disswey: Not really, although he is as dense as a stone cupcake.

Bryn: Really?

Disswey: He thinks my name is "Dishwuh Muffinborper".

Bryn: That's almost as bad as Brynwon.

Disswey: Your jesting self-deprecation is amusing, Brayne Wayne. Let us become friends.

Bryn: Well... okay, but I don't think Brocc would want me to have other fr-

Brocc: And THIS is for invoking the name of HE WHO MUST NOT BE NAMED! Ooh, that He Who Must Not be Named... by which I mean Sven...

Bryn: On second thought, let's go to Bake n' Drake!

Disswey barely hums the Bake n' Drake jingle.

Bryn: Wow, you sing better than Brocc...

Disswey: A lot of people say I have the voice of a Celestial Being...

Bryn: Too true... wow...

***
Stay tuned for the REAL episode!

***


Last edited by MyNameIsRyan on January 30th 2024, 2:00 am; edited 2 times in total
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Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

March 7th 2021, 7:19 pm
Episode 3: The Party-Splitting Family Reunion, Part I (The REAL Episode)

Scene 1: Goldenian Nature Trail: Late Morning

The Crystalbound, along with Kendall, Gazzo and Erik, walk along the Goldenian Nature Trail, a path with woodland to their left and right. Brocc looks over at Gazzo, who grins widely, revealing his long, crooked teeth.

Brocc: The Me is THIS goober still following us around...?

Gazzo: Well, I'm just making sure that... heeeeeeey...?!

Gazzo points his thumb over his shoulder at Kendall.

Gazzo: Oi! Poopy-doodoo!

Kendall: Ry rame rih Renruhrrrrr! ("My name is Kendalrrrrr!")

Gazzo: Yeah, yeah, I ruv you too, Fido. Anyway-

Kendall: Ryroh?! ("Fido?!")

Zed: Silly Kendall! Gary didn't call you Iroh, because Uncle Iroh is a FICTIONAL character! Silly Renruhrrrrr, hahaha!

Gazzo: Oh... THAT'S your name?

Kendall: Rerrr, RUH! ("Well, DUH!")

Gazzo: Oh... sorry, Kennel. Here, have a treat.

Gazzo flips a coin into Kendall’s hand. Kendall sniffs it.

Gazzo: It's carob.

Kendall freaks out.

Kendall: RAROB?! ("CAROB?!")

Gazzo: It… well… yeah! Real chocolate is lethal to dogs, innit?

Kendall: Rih roo ruh rohr ree ruh ROG?! ("Did you just call me a DOG?!")

Gazzo: D'aw, you're welcome, Kennel. Good boy.

Gazzo grins at Brocc.

Gazzo: Isn't 'e just the cutest little pup?

Brocc: Yeah... HE is.

Bryn: Ooh... sick BURN, Brocc. Teehee!

Gazzo: Yeah, yeah, very funny, Greenie... heeeeeeey, did YOU just make a crack about that time I was LITERALLY burned?!

Zed: LIT-erally... HA! I get it!

Bryn: You try stealing from a pyromancer, you suffer equivalent consequences.

Gazzo: I told you NEVER ta speak of it again!

Brocc: So what happened, exactly?

Bryn: Well-

Gazzo: Bryn, you dare...

Bryn: Okay then! Well, he swiped a huge lump of red corundum crystal from a firetouched woman, before sneaking to her-

Gazzo: Bryn-

Bryn: -window, at which point she scorched his hiney as he climbed through the-

Gazzo: Bryn-

Bryn: -window, THEN he fell face-first onto a soba grill directly underneath the-

Gazzo: Bryn, I swear I'm gonna-

Bryn: -window, disorienting him and forcing him to stumble through a bunch of pyrotechnics set up for that year's Dragon Parade, with one catching onto his pants and flinging him through another-

Suddenly, a scream sounds out across the nature trail.

Gazzo: Phew, saved by the... I-I mean... wh-what the Bok...?

A dust cloud moves towards the party at a frightening speed.

Thobrun: Look, up in the dirt! It's a fast-running flightless bird, perhaps a hyperchook!

Mak: It's a portal into another plane!

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Mak: Planar portal!

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Mak: Planar portal!

Thobrun: HYPER! CHOOK!

Mak: PLANAR! PORTAL!

Emily: Oh boy... they'll be squabbling for Axian hours...

Amethyst: The irony being that neither is actually correct.

Bryn: But if it's not a bird or a plane, then what-

Brocc: What the ME?!

Bryn: What are you on about, Muttbunch?

Brocc: It’s-

The dust cloud charges towards the party, stopping just short of it. Brocc steps forward, and the dust settles, revealing a female gnome with lime green hair.

Brocc: -my sister!

The party appears flabbergasted, all except Bryn and Erik.

Kendall: RAYRER RAYRER! ("STRANGER DANGER!")

Gazzo: Ooh, "The Mutt Bunch"... let's call our team that! Kennel can be our team's mascot.

Kendall: Rohr ruh rast ryh... I am not a DOG! ("For the last time... Ry ram roh ruh ROG!")

The party appears flabbergasted, all except Bryn and Erik.

Bryn: Aaaaand... Kenny is the first of us to break character this ep. Honestly thought it'd be this goober.

Gazzo: Heheh, yeah, you're... heeeeey...?!

Gazzo's thoughts: That's it! I'm prankin' ya SO hard tonight, Brynwon, heehee...

Zed's thoughts: That's her name, don't wear it out!

Mak: -portal!

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Mak: Planar portal!

Thobrun: Hyper-

***
Opening Credits

***

Scene 2: Goldenian Nature Trail: Late Morning

Thobrun: -chook!

Mak: Planar portal!

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Mak: Planar-

Bryn looks at the female gnome.

Bryn: Since when do you have a sister, Brocc?

Brocc: I have five sisters! I never shut up about them!

Bryn: Wow, the only boy in a litter of six...

Brocc: I HAVE brothers too, y'know!

Bryn: Oh yeah... you mentioned having five sisters and three brothers.

Sister: "Three"?

Brocc: Yep, eight siblings! A family of nine!

Sister: But there are TEN of us, Brockie!

Brocc: I have no idea what you mean, Katalina.

Brocc's sister smiles.

Katalina: Wait... are you leaving out Sven, as usual? Heehee!

Bryn: Wait... Sven is REAL?! I thought he was just a metaphor, or a thinly veiled reference to me!

Brocc: You're absolutely right, Brynnie. Sven is a metaphor... and NOTHING else!

Katalina: Oh, Brockie! I've missed you and your obnoxious tendencies!

The gnome locks Brocc inside a massive hug. Brocc struggles to speak.

Brocc: ACK... Kallie, please! We have... ACK... company!

Erik finally speaks.

Erik: Sven is indeed real. I've met him once or twice... such gripping conversations, let me tell you... truly inspiring...

Zed looks at Erik.

Zed: Are... we talking about the same "this salt and pepper squid is like fried squid saturated with too much salt and pepper" Sven?

Erik: Possibly. Also... Amethyst?

Amethyst: Spoilers, sweetie.

Erik: Much obliged.

Bryn: But how did you know it was her, and not just a-

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Bryn: -or a-

Mak: Planar portal!

Bryn: Y'know, NORMAL things to see on an adventure?

Brocc: I’ll field this one.

Brocc pulls a chart from seemingly out of nowhere and picks up a suspiciously straight stick from the ground.

Brocc: A bunch of animals messaged Kallie via relay that I was nearby, so she came running toward us as fast as a-

Mak: Planar portal!

Brocc: Eh, close enough.

Brocc slightly pulls down the chart, causing it to fly up and disappear. He then drops the stick to the ground, causing a loud fart sound to appear.

Bryn: The Brocc are there fartcrawlers here?!

Brocc: Oh, they must've planted a contingency colony somewhere that your lotion couldn't reach.

Bryn: WHAT?! *fart*

Katalina giggles.

Katalina: Oh, you two are just like an old married couple!

Bryn and Brocc suddenly panic.

Bryn: What the *fart*?!

Brocc: That's not funny, Kallie!

Bryn: Oh, I plucked one! Just stand still, Br*fart*...

Brocc: AAH! NO NO NO!

Bryn begins chasing Brocc in circles around the party. Katalina smiles and giggles nervously.

Thobrun: -chook!

Mak: Planar portal!

Thobrun: Hyper-

Scene 3: The Bronzed Axolotl Tavern: Early Afternoon

The party, along with Katalina, sits at two tables which happen to be located right near each other. Thobrun and Mak's voices are silenced.

Bryn: Oh, thank Brocc for that potion of regular, not-star-based muteness...

Brocc: You're welcome! I mean, I also can't stand it when people blabber on and on and on...

Bryn: I see irony isn't lost on YOU, then...

Emily: I trust this formula is reversible?

Bryn: Yeah, unlike that LOTION given to me by that druid dude... *fart*

Kendall walks up to the table carrying three mugs.

Kendall: To be fair, they DO serve your antagonist, yes? ("Roo ree rare, ray ROO rurrr rohrr ranrarorhrrr, ress?")

Zed: You're right, Kennel. It may be sabotage.

Bryn: Hey, yeah! You're *fart* ...I think I'm gonna step outside...

Katalina: Mind if I come with? I wanna tune my violin.

Bryn: Sure. *fart* Lousy Broccing *fart*crawlers...

Bryn and Katalina leave.

Zed: Ooh, fruit punch!

Zed sniffs his drink and sets it down gently.

Zed: It's chicken gaspacho.

Kendall: What?! ("Rohr?!")

Kendall sniffs it.

Kendall: Oh yeah. ("Roh rehr.")

Zed: It's a good thing I also enjoy chicken soup.

Kendall leaves the table, taking the fruit punch with him. Bryn is somehow briefly visible despite being outside, suggesting a sloppy edit.

Zed: Or you could take it back and swap it for store credit... I guess... oh, I could use it to buy a new ooh, shiny instead!

Gazzo pulls out a chair and sits next to Zed.

Gazzo: Hey, uh... Zedward, was it?

Zed: Zedsteve Stupidmute, actually.

Gazzo: That too. Anywho, here.

Gazzo places a small bottle filled with golden-yellow liquid into Zed’s ungloved hands.

Zed: Ooh, shiny...

Gazzo: Could ya please step outside and give this ta Bryn? I don't wanna be the one caught for what the Bok are ya doing...?

Zed uncorks the bottle and begins drinking from it. Bryn walks back to the table.

Bryn: Okay, I THINK that's the last of those lousy-

Bryn sees Zed drinking from the bottle and panics.

Bryn: Zed, don’t drink that!

Bryn’s words arrive too late, Zed having drunk the last drop.

Zed: How come?

Bryn: Because I wanted to drink-

Zed’s clothes begin to shimmer, right down to his bare feet.

Zed: Hey, that tickles! Hahaha!

All of a sudden, Zed’s outer clothes disappear, revealing both his crystal and his pair of pale blue boxer shorts.

Zed: Ooh, hiney!

Bryn makes a sly grin.

Bryn: Maybe I lucked out on this one, heheheh...

Gazzo: Welp, THAT didn't work out as intended...

Brocc quivers.

Brocc: You must be cold, Zed. It's making ME feel chilly... brr...

Zed: Is this really what I look like...? Why is my skin so pale? Am I an umpire?

Katalina screams from outside.

Brocc: Kallie!

Scene 4: Outside The Bronzed Axolotl Tavern: Early Afternoon

Bryn, Brocc and Thobrun race outside. Katalina appears distressed.

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Bryn: Well, looks like the potion wore off...

Brocc: Kallie! Kallie! What happened?!

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Katalina: Well-

Brocc grabs Katalina and begins shaking her.

Brocc: Katalina! We must stay calm! Don’t panic! No-one panic! EVERYBODY, STOP PANICKING!

Bryn pulls Brocc away and slaps his face. Brocc snaps back to his senses.

Thobrun: Hyper... wait... how did we get here...?

Bryn: Glad to see at least ONE of you has snapped back to their senses.

Brocc: Make that two.

Katalina: A bear stole my violin. It’s my most cherished possession.

Bryn: That freaking druid and his freaking bear!

Brocc: Now, now, Bryn. It could be a completely different bear.

Bryn: Are you kidding? This is the kind of series that puts an emphasis on one of a certain thing. One elf, one dwarf, one halfling, one half-orc-

Brocc: -and TWO gnomes? Well... nine gnomes, anyway?

Katalina: TEN gnomes, Brocc.

Brocc: Fine. Nine gnomes plus one. Ku... no... Ichi.

Bryn laughs loudly through her nose.

Bryn: Brocc, you just called yourself a lady ninja!

Brocc: Actually, that's another character altogether. She's good friends with my sister Kati.

Bryn: So you know this kunoichi, Katalina?

Katalina: Not personally, but our sister Kati does.

Bryn: But... I thought that-

Brocc: Bryn, Katalina and Katréne are COMPLETELY different people!

Bryn: Oh... NOW it makes sense.

Brocc: It does?

Bryn: Yeah. Gnome names are weird.

Brocc: The Me are you talking about?

Bryn: Well, I mean... Katalina and Katréne are easy to mix up, right? And you have a brother named Sven, which just so happens to be the same as THREE of your middle names-

Brocc: No it isn't!

Bryn: Brocc, I've read your character sheet. Come on.

Brocc: Oh, my sheet...

Bryn: And your third middle name is Svetlana, so it wouldn't surprise me if you have ANOTHER sister named-

Erik's voice: Do I hear spoilers out there? Am I going to have to advance the plot again?

Bryn: False alarm, Erik!

Erik's voice: Very well.

Bryn: How uncharacteristically naïve of that seahorse...

Katalina: The bear went that way.

Katalina points into a forested area.

Brocc: Right, i’m going in!

Bryn: Okay, have fun!

Brocc: Will do!

Brocc rushes into the forest.

Brocc: VIOLIN! VIOLIN! WHERE ARE YOU?

Thobrun: Aren't you going to talk him out of it?

Bryn: What's the point? He's just gonna do whatever he wants, anyway.

Thobrun: True... well, I'm going to look for berries.

Katalina: Be vigilant! The purple ones are boysenous!

Thobrun: I'm a paladin. Vigilance is my middle name. And I LOVE fresh boysenberries!

Thobrun enters the forest.

Thobrun: BERRIES! BERRIES! WHERE CAN I FIND SOME YUMMY BERRIES IN THIS WOODS?

Bryn: Yet more bad grammar... and I thought his middle name was "Angus".

We cut to a view of a window on the side of the building. A faery with clear, cyan wings observes Zed.

Faery: Hello? HEY!

To be Continued...

***
Closing Credits

***


Last edited by MyNameIsRyan on January 30th 2024, 2:01 am; edited 1 time in total
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Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

March 8th 2021, 7:52 pm
Episode 4: The Party-Splitting Family Reunion, Part II

Scene 1: The Bronzed Axolotl Tavern: Mid Afternoon

Zed stands outside the tavern, in deep thought.

Zed’s thoughts: I have a feeling… that I’m being watched by a tiny, winged magical creature…

Argen flashes onto the top of Zed’s head.

Argen: Well, DUH! I've been watching you this whole time!

Zed: No, it wasn't you, Steve...

Argen: Of course it was! I mean... I AM a tiny, winged magical creature, right?

Zed: Well, yes, but you're a Dragon-type, right?

Argen: Uh... I'm a whatnow?

Zed: But the thing that's watching me is a FAIRY-type.

Argen: A fair-

Argen's eyes suddenly bulge into what resembled a built-in piece of clipart.

Argen: NOOOOOOO! NOT FAIRIES!!!!!1!!

Argen flashes away. Zed sighs.

Zed: Silly Steve! "One" and "Exclamation Mark" are COMPLETELY different alphanumeric symbols! Silly Steve!

Zed begins entering the forest. After about five steps, the faery flies in front of Zed’s face.

Faery: Hello!

Zed: Ooh, shiny!

Faery: Hey!

Zed: Azure? What kind of name is-

Faery: Listen!

Zed: Ooh, that's my favourite colour!

Faery: Hello!

The faery sits on top of Zed’s head.

Zed: Yeah, sure! I'm always open to travelling into the woods with a tiny person perched on my head.

Faery: Hey!

Zed: Sorry, a "fairy". Ooh, does that mean you know all the creatures that live in this forest?

The faery flies in front of Zed’s face.

Faery: Listen!

Zed: A dragon, you say? I've never met a real dragon...

Faery: Hey!

Zed: Well, except for Steve. And Janitor Steve of Stupidsteve Academy for Young Steves in Steveria City...

Faery: Listen!

Zed: Oh, and my spellsword teacher Crynock from another world on the opposite side of reality who I've forgotten according to the script and would cause Erik to seriously flip out if he knew I mentioned it just now.

Erik's voice: OH, FOR BROCC'S SAKE!

Faery: Watch out!

Zed: Nah, pretty sure that was due to an unrelated incident involving Makkaronicheese.

Mak's voice: It's... Makkmak.

Faery: Listen!

Zed: All the time. Erik says it's due to the fourth wall being more flexible than people think. Now let's find the ooh, shiny... I mean the ooh, dragon...

Zed swiftly walks away from the faery and into the forest.

Faery: Hey!

The faery begins to follow Zed.

Zed: I never not seek an ooh, shiny dragon... even if the chance of finding one is under 9,000...

***
Opening Credits

***

Scene 2: The Bronzed Axolotl Tavern: Late Afternoon

Erik walks up to the tables. Mak stands up.

Mak: Oh, hey, Horsie.

Erik: It's... Herikios.

Mak: “Herikios”…? That's almost as bad as Brynwon!

Erik: "That's my name, don't wear it out!"

Mak panics.

Mak: Wow, that was a surprisingly accurate impression of Bryn... like, REALLY surprising!

Erik: Why, thank you. Impressions are kind of my thing.

Mak: Mine too... hey, I guess we have something in common! *clears throat* "OH, FOR BROCC'S SAKE!"

Erik: Is... that really what I sound like?

Amethyst: Indeed it is. Trés bien, cher Makkrylic.

Mak: It's... Makkmak.

Amethyst: Is there an echo in here?

Erik: Well then, I suppose we're even in terms of impressionism.

Mak: Uh... yeah, sure... great...

Mak exhales sharply through his nose.

Mak: *mumbles* I'm WAY better than you, Erik...

Scene 3: Forest: Late Afternoon

Zed walks through the forest, pursued by the tiny faery.

Faery: Hello?

Zed: Yep! Then dust a little sugar on top, and... TA-DA! It's a wittle bebeh MAKKMAK!

Faery: Listen!

Zed: I mean... TA-DA! It's a vanilla cream SPONGE CAKE! I always get those two things confused, heheh...

Both Zed and the faery stop moving. The faery appears surprised.

Faery: Watch out!

The faery flies toward a person resembling a humanoid dragon with golden scales. He has short, scruffy, golden-brown hair on top of his head and a monkey-like tail with similar-coloured fur; the tail slowly sways around and twitches behind his back. He sits on the ground with his legs crossed and his clawed hands in his lap. His eyes are closed, as though he is in a deep trance.

Faery: Hey!

Zed: Ooh, shiny... Azure, use Sleep Powder!

Faery: Hello!

Zed: Good! Now use Dazzling Gleam, because it's ooh, shiny AND ooh, super-effective...

Dragonoid: I feel I must point out that I am not a dragon.

Both Zed and the Faery appear shocked.

Zed: You can TALK?!

Dragonoid: Are you aware that you are half-naked?

Faery: Watch out!

Dragonoid: I suppose we should introduce ourselves to... ourselves.

The person opens his eyes and carefully stands to his clawed, three-toed feet.

Dragonoid: I am Tamamaki.

Zed: I am Zed Steve Starsteve, from Silversteve.

Faery: Hello!

Tamamaki: It is nice to meet you, Zander.

Zed: Actually, it's pronounced "uh-ZOO-uh"... or "AZ-uhr" if you're Americonic...

Tamamaki: I was, in fact, referring to you by your true name.

Zed appears surprised.

Zed: Wait... so... my name ISN'T Steve?!

Tamamaki: It is not.

Zed: But... Zander sounds weird! What does it even mean?!

Tamamaki: "Defender of Being".

Faery: Listen!

Zed: Oh... then what does Steve mean?

Tamamaki: "One who is always there".

Zed: That explains all the Steves in this place...

Faery: Watch out!

Tamamaki looks at the faery.

Tamamaki: That is most amusing, if not a little vulgar for the tone of this series.

Faery: Hey!

Tamamaki: I warn you, I am a waterflexer, and I have also mastered the soapflexing technique.

Faery: Listen!

A superimposed gush of pink water sprays into Azure.

Zed: You shouldn't have said the F word, Azure. That's a VERY bad word indeed!

Tamamaki closes his eyes.

Tamamaki: You are wise beyond your years, Zander.

Zed: That's what Miss Amethyst always says to me. See this silver star on my... well, it's been teleported to another plane, along with the rest of my outfit, but she gave it to me for being a very good student. Then I got another one for thanking her for the first one. I only have three right now, but I'm working hard to earn the other nine.

Azure stares at Tamamaki, an expression of shock spreading across his face. A shimmer of sparkles falls from Azure's wings as he freaks out.

Azure: Hey!

Tamamaki: Then I advise you to watch your language around others. They may not be so lenient as I.

Azure: Listen!

Zed: Oh yes, ESPECIALLY Mak.

Tamamaki: Oh, you are friends with Makkmak Clay, whose breath just REEKS of garlic?

Zed: Actually, yes. In fact, you're the second person to ask me that, after Mak's old teacher, Miss Steveras.

Azure: Watch out!

Zed: Well, she's KIND of like Professor Tre-

Suddenly, a far-off cry sounds out.

Brocc’s voice: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! OH, WHY DID I DECIDE TO DO THIS?! SOMEBODY! HEEEEEEEELP UUUUUUUS!

Zed: Ooh, that sounds like a Grass-type magical creature!

Azure: Hey!

Zed: Azure, that's rude!

Azure: Listen!

Zed: I'm gonna look for the creature! Tamamaki, take extra special care of my fairy friend!

Tamamaki: Gladly.

Zed races towards the source of Brocc's voice.

Azure: Watch out!

Another superimposed gush of pink water sprays into Azure.

Tamamaki's voice: I warned you, Azure!

To be Continued...

***
Closing Credits

***


Last edited by MyNameIsRyan on January 30th 2024, 2:01 am; edited 1 time in total
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Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

September 20th 2021, 9:37 pm
Episode 5: The Deep-Forest Street Fight, Part I

Scene 1: Outside Bear’s Cave: Late Afternoon

Zed, Azure and Tamamaki arrive at the entrance to a cave. A bear has Brocc cornered to a wall. Thobrun lies unconscious next to a large boulder.

Zed: Wow, an Ursaring!

Azure: Hey!

Zed: Ooh... maybe it’s a regional variant. A Silverian Ursaring! I wonder what type it is...

Brocc looks over at Zed.

Brocc: Oh, Zed! Thank goodness it’s you!

Zed: You forgot to bring Repels, didn’t you?

Brocc: Well, I-

Bryn’s voice: He doesn’t need ‘em, Zeddy, ‘cos he’s his OWN repellent!

Azure: Listen!

Zed: You’re right, Navi. Bryn ISN’T here, meaning she just breached the Fourth Wall. Silly Bryn... hahaha!

Erik’s voice: Oh, for BROCC'S SAKE! Does NO-ONE care for the stability of continuity around here?!

Zed: And now ERIK’S doing it, hahaha!

Erik’s voice: GAAAAAAAH!

***
Opening Credits

***
Scene 2: Uh... same as Scene 1: Late Afternoon

Tamamaki sits down and begins meditating as multiple bleeps are heard in the background.

Azure: Hello?

Tamamaki: I am taking this opportunity to meditate amidst the soothing sounds of nature.

Azure: Listen!

Tamamaki: Precisely.

Zed: Ah, yes... electronic bleeps... truly the call of Naturia at her most natural... naturally.

Azure: Hey!

Zed: “Sarcasm”? What’s that? Is it the name of this Pokémon?! Cool!

The bear roars at Brocc. Brocc begins to panic.

Brocc: Zander, for Me’s sake! DO SOMETHING!

The bear’s snout approaches Brocc’s face. It begins licking his cheek.

Brocc: AAAAAHHH! It’s using Lick! I... can’t... move...

Zed: It must be a Ghost-type Ursaring. Azure, use Dark Pulse!

Azure: Hey!

Zed: What do you MEAN you don’t know Dark Pulse?!

Tamamaki: Neither Azure nor Googoo Honey McFluffykins the Bear are Pokémon.

A Heavy Ball suddenly catches the Bear, dropping to the ground.

Brocc: Shows what YOU know, Uzumaki!

Azure: Hello?

A stream of soapy water washes over Azure.

Tamamaki: I WARNED you, Azure!

Thobrun suddenly sits up.

Thobrun: SMELL YA LATER, LOSER!

Thobrun pauses.

Thobrun: Oh, is it bathtime already? Also, why is there a dragon and a fairy here? Are they not mortal enemies?

Zed: That’s what I said!

Thobrun stands to his feet.

Thobrun: Then the dragon must be slain at once! I’ll save you, Fairy-boy!

Zed: Hey! I’m NOT a Fairy boy!

Thobrun readies his axe and starts charging.

Thobrun: YAAAAAAA-

A stream of soapy water washes Thobrun to the ground.

Thobrun’s voice: *SPIT* Ugh... and the AFTERTASTE...

Zed: Serves you right for calling me a Fairy-boy! Bryn and Brocc are right... you really ARE the mean version of you!

Azure: Listen!

Azure is washed by another stream of soapy water.

Zed: And you should know better, Tatl!

Brocc notices Tamamaki.

Brocc: Are you a soapflexer?

Tamamaki: To presume someone is a soapflexer simply because they are able to flex soapy water is to be as gullible as someone who believes the word “gullible” is absent from every dictionary. But yes, I am what you call “soapflexer”.

Brocc walks up to Tamamaki and examines him carefully.

Brocc: Think you can teach me?

Tamamaki: To presume a soapflexer can simply teach a non-soapflexer to soapflex is-

Brocc: Okay, never mind...

Brocc points at Tamamaki.

Brocc: Aha! I challenge you to a duel!

Tamamaki: May I ask why?

Brocc: It is forbidden for a shugenja to turn down the challenge of a shugenja duel against another!

Thobrun: But... you’re not a shugenja.

Brocc: Aha! You are... absolutely correct. I just thought there’d be a shugenja duel, since the title implies some kind of martial arts duel.

Azure flies up to Zed’s right ear.

Azure: Hello?

Zed: Nope. Usually he’s a bit more obnoxious.

Azure: Listen!

Zed: No idea. I guess he needs Bryn nearby before his true silliness reveals itself.

Brocc: GAH! This is all somehow SVEN’S fault! Don’t ask me how, but... it’s ALWAYS Sven! Ooh, that Sven...

Zed giggles.

Zed: Though sometimes I’m WAY off, usually when I’m distracted by something-

Zed sees Azure’s wings shimmer.

Zed: Any chance you could tone down the sparkles, please? I’m trying to figure out what happened to my clo-

Zed looks down.

Zed: Ooh, hiney!

Zed suddenly bends down as a soapy stream narrowly misses him, washing over Azure instead, who shimmers with frustration.

Azure: Hey!

Zed stands, examining a silver bottle cap in his hand.

Zed: I wonder what this bottle cap is doing out here, far from any trace of civilisation.

Thobrun’s voice: Oh, for Petey's SAKE! It’s ONE metal beverage lid in the middle of an otherwise UNSPOILT GLEN! I doubt ANYONE out here is gonna hold it against m-

A splat of mud is seen just off-screen.

Brocc’s voice: That’s where you’re WRONG, ya nature-hatin’ maniac! Good thing I’m a mudflexer, eh? Now I’ve CLEANED UP YOUR ACT!

Zed: By covering him in mud?

Brocc’s voice: Exactly, Zeddy-boy! Wait... uh... what?

Azure: Hey!

Zed: That was a VERY rude word, Ciela! Now Tamamaki’s going to use a VERY powerful soapflex on you!

Tamamaki: I already did, in anticipation of this awful, awful word.

Zed: Whoa... you must be a TIMEFLEXER too!

Azure is knocked by a huge soap bubble popping in front of him, with a tiny splash landing on Zed’s shoulder.

Zed: Whoa... that’s gonna be a SUPER rude one, isn’t it?

Scene 3: Forest: Late Afternoon

We cut to a view of the forest floor. A few sets of footprints lie fresh in the mud. A familiar pair of brown boots step next to them, with their owner kneeling down. Trent removes his right gauntlet and touches one footprint, then grabs some of the soil surrounding it. He stands upright, crumbles it slightly in his palm and sniffs it.

Trent: Hm... smells like, like, dirt or whatever.

Trent throws the soil to the ground and rubs his hand across his thigh, removing the excess. He pulls his gauntlet back on, flexing his fingers as he does so. Kara gracefully lands next to him, her quarterstaff in her right hand.

Kara: And that is important because...?

Trent: What kind of weirdo eats dirt-flavoured cookies?

Kara: Um...

Trent points to the tracks. One set is made up of fairly wide footprints, the other of small, narrow ones.

Trent: Whoa... check out this trail of dirt-flavoured cookie crumbs!

Kara: Teehee! Don’t be silly, Trent-chan. Those are obviously footprints.

Trent shakes his head.

Trent: You disappoint me, Kara. Those are TOTALLY the footprints of the peeps who were EATING the cookies.

Kara: Sō desu ka...? (Is that so...?)

Trent: You know it.

Kara: Then let’s follow them and politely ask for a cookie each!

Trent: You are SO right on. Everyone KNOWS the way for a villainess’ minions to prove themselves a serious threat to the heroes is to be nice to them and ask politely!

Kara: You are so wise, Trent-chan...

Trent: Yup! SO wise that not even a scene transition can interru-

Scene 4: Outside Bear’s Cave: Evening

Zed, Thobrun, Brocc and Tamamaki sit outside the cave surrounding a small fire. The bear is curled up in a ball, fast asleep, with Azure relaxing atop its head.

Zed: MOO! Hahaha!

Thobrun: I... don’t get it.

Zed: The interrupting cow? Interrupts the joke? By mooing?

Thobrun: And just what is a “cow”?

Zed: Well, it’s a... hm... come to think of it, I haven’t seen any cows since I lost my mind... perhaps I dreamt them?

Brocc: Nah, they just don’t exist in this universe.

Zed: What?

Brocc: What? Other universes?! Pfft... hahaha! Good one, Thobrun! What a good, HILARIOUS joke!

Thobrun: But... I didn’t

Erik’s (distant) voice: BROCC! FOR THE LOVE OF (censored), HOW MANY TIMES MUST I (long string of perpetual censored bleeps)

Tamamaki: It appears the audial atmosphere of this location has become... uncomfortable. Please excuse me for one moment.

Zed: You are excused, Tamamaki-coo.

Brocc: Wow, you are so polite, Zed.

Zed: Amethyst says I have good manners.

Thobrun: You most certainly do, lad... unlike the potty mouth who keeps interrupting from elsewhere.

Brocc: Oh, that’s just Erik.

Thobrun: Wait... Erik’s here, in this forest?

Brocc: No, he had to return to his own universe.

Thobrun: What?

Brocc: What? Again with the talk of other universes?! You really ARE a funny guy, Zeddy-boy!

Zed: But... I thought that Thobrun-

Erik’s (distant) voice: BROCC! HOW MANY TIMES MUST I FU-

We hear the distant sound of gushing water.

Erik’s (distant) voice: Ugh... and the AFTERTASTE!

Tamamaki’s (distant) voice: Let this be a valuable lesson, Seahorse.

Erik’s (distant) voice: Yes, Master Shugenja...

Brocc: Uh... what the heck is-

Tamamaki: I have returned.

Brocc: Welcome... back, I guess?

Kara’s voice: Aw, thank you SO much, Mr. Broccoli, teehee!

Trent: And I’m here too, dudes! So can we have some, like, cookies an’ junk?

The bear suddenly awakens, standing up so suddenly that Azure is flung into the air. It roars loudly at Trent and Kara, who are standing very close by. Azure yells at the bear.

Azure: Hey!

Azure suddenly notices Trent and Kara, and turns to greet them.

Azure: Hello?

Zed: Hardly.

Kara: Actually, it’s pronounced “Kara", silly! Teehee!

Azure looks at Kara.

Zed: Oh, yeah... nice to see you again, Kara-silly!

Azure: Listen!

Kari: Aw, your bear is SO cute! Can I pet it?

Zed: SURE, YOU CAN!

Kari: Arigatō gozaimasu!

Kara leaps forward and swiftly jabs its pressure points with her hands. The bear collapses to the ground and falls asleep.

Kari: Aw... why do animals always fall asleep when I pet them?

Trent: Uh... I’m no expert on natural wildlife-

Brocc: Aren’t you a druid?

Trent: -but I think petting involves gentle rubbing of fur or somethin’.

Kara: Are you certain?

Trent: Well, not really, but-

Brocc: Dude. Druid. Animals are your brothers or whatever!

Trent: Whoa... that’s SO esoteric, man...

Brocc: GAH! For fun’s sake, Trent... you REALLY are a load of spilt when it comes to animal handling, aren’t you?

Kara: Teehee!

Brocc looks around.

Brocc: Wait... why didn’t Tamamaki spray me with soapflexing?

Tamamaki: Because you did not cuss.

Brocc: What?! Of COURSE I flanking did! There! See? Now soap me the fluke up!

Tamamaki: You are censoring your own dialogue with harmless innuendo. This does not warrant soapflexing.

Brocc pauses. Zed looks at Brocc, who grins.

Brocc: Heh... is it obvious I’m trying desperately to take a bath? And also that I’m biologically incapable of making even one Mudkipliking swear?

Zed: That’s okay, Brocc. I’m also incapable of saying a bleeping cuss word.

Azure: Listen!

Azure is sprayed by another soap spray.

Kara notices Tamamaki.

Kara: Ooh, your soapflexing is as skilled as ever, Tamachan! Teehee!

Tamamaki: Arigatō, Karachan. (Good evening, Cute Friend Kara.)

Brocc: Wait… you two know each other?

Kara: Yup! Tamachan and I are the only on-screen members of an ancient order of martial artists, so naturally that means we have a long and storied rivalry that goes back many years.

Brocc: Hm... makes sense, I suppose.

Kara: Wanna see what I can do?

Brocc scoffs loudly.

Brocc: Are you KIDDING ME?! Of COURSE I wanna-

Kara suddenly punches in Brocc’s direction.

Brocc: WAAAAAAAAH!

Brocc is suddenly knocked off-screen by a spray of brown liquid, noodles, and white fishcake with pink swirls.

Brocc: Ooh, delicious! My compliments to the chef!

Kara: Aw, thank you, Bro-chan! Teehee!

Tamamaki: Ah, I see you have practiced your soupflexing, old friend. Most impressive.

Kara frowns at Tamamaki.

Kara: Mmm... stop patronising me!

Tamamaki: My words are whole and sincere, old friend.

Kara: Oh... in that case, how about a little duel?

Tamamaki: Indeed. Let us spar, like the good ol’ days.

Kara: YAAAAAAAY!

Tamamaki leaps toward Kara, his fist flying forward. Kara suddenly seems to vanish in a purple blur. Tamamaki sighs.

Tamamaki: Hyperactive as ever... classic Karachan.

Kara’s voice: Up here, teehee!

Kara is standing atop the cave’s mouth.

Thobrun: Uh... did that seem unnaturally swift to anyone else?

Brocc: Thobrun, please. EVERYONE knows anime fight scenes have a whole bunch of faster-than-seen moves and visual effects.

Zed: Yep! Even I know that, and I have amnesia.

Azure: Listen!

Azure is tackled by a stream of ramen.

Azure: Ooh... and the AFTERTASTE!

Trent: The only downside is that the episode always finishes on a cliffhanger just as the duel begi-

To be Continued...


***
Closing Credits

***
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Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

May 6th 2022, 10:58 pm
Episode 6: The Deep-Forest Street Fight, Part II

Scene 1: The Rest of Trent’s Line: Y’know… from the previous ep?

Trent: -ns.

Brocc: I couldn’t have put it better myself.

Bryn: …the Helga you talkin’ about? He barely said any-

***
Opening Credits

***

Scene 2: Unknown Location: Unknown Time of Day

Erik is walking through a crowded street. He spots Jump and approaches him.

Erik: Things are going well, wouldn’t you say, mah Brotha from No Motha?

Jump: Well… my birthing pod is kinda like a mother…

Erik: Silly Jump Button! Birthing Pod isn’t a mother, it’s a Magic card! Silly Jump Start, heheheh…

Jump: The Helga is a Magic c-

Scene 3: Outside Bear’s Cave: Evening

Kara faces off against the Crystalbound, Kendall, Azure and Tamamaki.

Mak: Ardenvale Paladin is the BEST thing to add to my Knight-themed Commander deck, Karigawa!

Kara punches at Mak, scorching his arm with a small burst of flame.

Mak: OW! Why the Helga d’you just cast Shock at me?! Do I LOOK like a vanilla 2/2 for 2?

The bear lets out a short roar.

Mak: Yeah, you said it, bear bud.

Kara: Firstly, yes, you DO look like something that belongs in a starter deck.

Emily: Hey, shut up! I-I mean… be nice?

Mak stares into Emily’s eyes and smiles. Kara places her right hand onto her right hip.

Kara: Secondly, you can’t put Ardenvale Paladin into a Mardu Warriors deck if you’re only splashing white… and the only other white card is Heliod! That’s like building a mono-green deck with nothing but non-green cards and a single forest: totally unplayable!

Brocc: Hey, shut up! I’ll show YOU who’s totally unplayable, ya tree-hatin’ pyromaniac!

Kara: And thirdly, it’s Karakaki, not Karigawa! Do I LOOK like an unfairly maligned and actually pretty awesome plane which is filled with lore and amazing goodies that aren’t just based on this fangirl’s personal bias because OH MY YATTA every single online poll proves it’s more well-received than release-fatigued RAVNICA?

A crossbow bolt fires toward Kara, but she shifts two feet to her left in a split-second purple blur.

Kara: Nani…?

Everybody looks down at Bryn.

Bryn: Shut. Up. How DARE you say such an AWFUL thing when Zed, who adores BOTH THOSE PLANES, is standing RIGHT THERE?!

Zed: No-one point out the fact I’m barely not-naked, mmkay? Heh… “barely”… sounds like “barley”…

Bryn: So stop trash-talking Ravnic-

Kara swiftly rushes forward and flings Bryn, sending her flying up and catching the hood of her cloak on a tree branch. She looks down to the forest floor, and her vision blurs and splits.

Bryn: AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

Mak: Oh, for the love of… NOW look what you did! You just triggered Bryn’s PGSP!

Brocc: The Thobrun’s mother is “PGSP,” Grizzly Bears?

Mak: “Post Gender-Swap Paranoia.”

Bryn: It isn’t “paranoia,” it’s ACROPHOBIA, a commonly recognised primal fear that affects anyone with a fear of falling several times their natural body height!

Bryn suddenly realises what she said.

Bryn: Well, THAT sounded more dramatic in my h-

Bryn’s dialogue is suddenly cut out due to unexpected static.

Scene 4: Living Room: Afternoon

We see a view of a live-action living room. Two young males are staring at a blank CRTV screen.

Man #1: Ed! What the Elemental Plane of Frack-Up did you DO?!

The other male frantically presses buttons on a remote control.

Eddie: It wasn’t ME, Jer!

The first male throws his hands in the direction of the television.

Jeremy: We’ve been waiting for this! It’s the big fight between Tama-gotchi and Kara-agee!

Eddie: What else do you want me to say? I didn’t cause this, Nabnuts!

Jeremy: Then how do you explain-

Voice: Hey, guys! A power line was knocked down two blocks away.

The two men look at each other with grins on their faces.

Both: Oh… that’s a spicy-a tuneski!

The men laugh.

Jeremy: Thanks, Gwen!

Voice: You’re welcome!

Eddie: So what should we do until the power’s back on?

Jeremy: Hm… Mario Kart?

Eddie: You’re on!

***
Two hours later…

The two men sit staring at the television, wide-eyed and with controllers in their hands.

Eddie: Wow.

Jeremy: I know.

Eddie: We just spent the past hour trying to get a game console to work…

Jeremy: …during a power outage.

Gwen’s voice: You’re both idiots.

The two men slowly look to their left at a young woman in an armchair, staring at them and eating popcorn from a big cardboard bucket.

Jeremy: What the Arnold’s love interest, Gwen?!

Eddie: Have you been sitting there the whole time?!

Gwen: Well, I needed SOMETHING to watch!

The power suddenly comes back on.

All three: “Ey!”

Jeremy: Turn it on!

Eddie: On it!

Jeremy: TURN-

Eddie grabs the remote and turns on the television.

Jeremy: Oh, we missed it!

Eddie: No…

Gwen: Oh, please! All the fights are the same in these things!

Eddie: TAKE THAT BACK!

Gwen: The heroes fight the baddies, and then one or more characters says something stu-

Scene 5: Forest: Afternoon

Kara: Pigeons are nowhere near as endearing as you, Tama-kun! Teehee!

Tamamaki: And you, Kara-chan, are more kawaii than-

Bryn: Oh, just make out already!

Kara stands to her feet.

Kara: The tiny one is correct. We shall make our way out right now.

Bryn: That’s NOT what I… did you just call me TINY?!

Mak: But where will you go, knowing that you’ve failed the Sorceress of Winter?

Kara: Back to the Sorceress of Winter.

Thobrun: But why the my mother would you DO such a thing?!

Kara: Because it’s what minions always do in these stories, even if they reveal they’re not actually evil and despise everything their brainwashed overlord thinks they believe.

Brocc: Brain-what?

Kara: What?

Kara leaps toward Trent, picking him up and slinging him over her shoulder.

Kara: Bye-bye, my new friends!

Mak: Glad to know you’re not gonna tap any more Mountains at me.

Kara bows her head, then turns and leaps away. Brocc appears flabbergasted.

Brocc: Isn’t ANYONE gonna call on the fact that their leader isn’t the REAL maniacal mastermind?!

Bryn sighs.

Bryn: For the last time, Brocc… ENOUGH WITH THE SVENNING SPOILERS ALREADY! I DON’T WANT ANOTHER CASE OF ERIK SKIPPING AHEAD TO A LATER SC-

Scene 6: Outside The Bronzed Axolotl Tavern: Morning

The Crystalbound, Kendall, Gazzo, Katalina and Tamamaki stand outside the tavern. Azure and Jump are nowhere to be found.

Zed: Eeny, meeny, miney, muddvak.

Bryn: Oh, for Brocc’s sake…

Gazzo: Hey Ginge, whatcha doooooooooin’?

Zed: I’m deciding which of these potions to drink, Gazzabella.

Mak: But… I only see one.

Zed: Oh, that makes the decision MUCH easier than I expected!

Brocc: Wait… Zed, don’t dr-

Zed: Ink Me Up, magical juice!

Zed uncorks the bottle and drinks the potion.

Zed: Wait… did you say something, Brocc?

Brocc: Last time you drank a suspicious blue liquid, your clothes disappeared.

Zed: Well, then that means there’s nothing left to disappear, so it’s perfectly safe, r-

Zed suddenly flashes away in a split second beacon of cyan light.

Kendall: RAYRER RAYRER! (“Stranger Danger!”)

Bryn: Oh, thank Brocc for that…

Brocc: Uh… you’re welcome…?

Emily: Bryn, this is serious! Why on Junihoshi are you relieved?

Bryn: Because Kendall’s speaking normally again… well, for him, at least.

Katalina: And I have my violin back!

Gazzo: An’ I learnt the true meaning of Dia de Birthday.

Brocc: Hey, yeah! Barring one (literally) glaring exception, every plot in this episode is actually resolved for once!

Thobrun: Hyperchook!

Mak: Planar portal!

Amethyst sighs.

Amethyst: Sacre bleu…

***
Closing Credits

***


Last edited by DeviantArtistOrion on March 5th 2023, 2:34 pm; edited 1 time in total
RyanNerdyGamer
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Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

March 5th 2023, 4:48 am
Episode 7: The Wibbly-Wobbly Genie Wish, Part 1

Scene 1: Outside The Bronzed Axolotl Tavern: Morning


The Crystalbound, Kendall, Gazzo, Katalina and Tamamaki stand outside the tavern.

Zed: Eeny, meeny, miney, muddvak.

Bryn: Oh, for Brocc’s sake…

Gazzo: Hey Ginge, whatcha doooooooooin’?

Zed: I’m deciding which of these potions to drink, Gazzabella.

Mak: But… I only see one.

Zed: Oh, that makes the decision MUCH easier than I expected!

Brocc: Wait… Zed, don’t dr-

Zed: Ink Me Up, magical juice!

Zed uncorks the bottle and drinks the potion.

Zed: Wait… did you say something, Brocc?

Brocc: Last time you drank a suspicious liquid, your clothes disappeared.

Zed: Well, then that means there’s nothing left to disappear, so it’s perfectly safe, r-

Suddenly, a column of cyan light erupts from the ground surrounding Zed, and his clothes somehow flash onto his body.

Zed: RAYRER RAYRER! Wait… silly Zedward! These are YOUR clothes! Silly Zedfred, hahah-

The light suddenly returns to the ground, revealing that Zed is standing on a plain made of solid metal. The air is shrouded in a thick mist, but he is able to breathe normally.

Zed: Whoa, déjà vu…

Echo: Vu… Vu… Vu…

Zed examines his surroundings.

Zed: Hello? Who’s there?

Echo: Ere… ere… ere…

Zed: Nice to meet you, Air! I’m Zed!

Echo: I’m Zed… I’m Zed… I’m Zed…

Zed: Silly Air! Your name’s not Zed, it’s Air! Silly Steve, hahaha!

Echo: Haha… haha… haha…

Zed’s thoughts: Well, at least the locals are nice…

(beat)

Echo: Ice… Ice… Ice…

Zed: RAYRER RAYRER!

Echo #1: RAYRER… RAYRER… RAYRER…

Zed’s thoughts: Wait… why are THEY yelling rayr-

Echo #2: RAYRER… RAYRER… RAYRER…

Zed’s thoughts: Oh yeah… I’m not from this place, which makes ME the Rayrer… silly Rayrer, hahaha!

Echo #3: RAYRER… RAYRER… RAYR-

***
Opening Credits

***

Scene 2: Outside The Bronzed Axolotl Tavern: Morning

Everyone’s eyes are widened.

Mak: Uh…?!

(Beat)

Brocc: So-

Mak suddenly bellows loudly.

Mak: I AM NOT UNLITERATE!

Amethyst: Cher Makkmak… a-are you alr-

Mak: I am… not unliterate. I am not unliterate!

Bryn: Oh, great… you couldn’t have picked a BETTER moment for a nervous breakdown, “Cher Makkmak”…?

Mak suddenly panics and laughs nervously.

Mak: I am NOT! Unliterate… I am not UN… literate… Iamnotunliterate.

The others seem suspicious of Mak’s sudden change-of-vocab.

Amethyst: Mon Cher, is there something you have yet to tell us?

Mak: I uh… am not… uh… uuunliterATE!

Mak points at the sky, causing everybody but Bryn to look up. Mak then dashes off-screen. Bryn stares at the direction in which the orcborn is fleeing.

Bryn’s thoughts: Of all the people to go off the proverbial rails, I NEVER thought it’d be the Only Sane Orcborn ‘round here…

Scene 3: Unknown Location: Unknown Time of Day

Zed wanders through the metal plain, looking for the source of the echoes.

Zed’s thoughts: Where are they already...?

Zed suddenly notices a silhouette in the distance.

Zed: Excuse me! Are you Air?

Echo: Ooh Air… ooh Air… ooh Air…

A feminine giggle echoes through the mist toward Zed, before it seemingly moves away from him.

Voice: Not EXACTLY… teehee!

Zed: Then… what-

The silhouette stops moving.

Echo: What… what… what…

The silhouette begins to approach Zed. It seems to glow with a soft, white light.

Zed: Air… Ice… Watt… elements… then this must be the…?!

The silhouette moves closer to Zed. It giggles again.

Echo: The… The… The…

Zed: Wait… you’ve heard of me?

Echo: Eee… eee… eee…

The silhouette emerges from the mist, and is revealed to be a girl in her mid-20s, with long, golden-blonde hair and silvery eyes. She wears a flowing white robe.

Girl: It is nice to see you again, Zander.

Zed smiles.

Zed: Uh… hi?

The girl giggles again.

Scene 4: Platinian Nature Trail: Late Morning

The Crystalbound, Kendall and Gazzo look for Zed along the road to Goldenia. Mak appears concerned for the young wizard.

Mak: I am not unliterate, Amethyst.

Amethyst: So you have said MANY times, Cher Makkmak…

Mak: I… am NOT unliterate!

Kendall: Urr… rah rennyrun roh ruh ree rayrerirggggggggr? (“Uh… does anyone know what he’s saying?”)

Mak: I am not unliterate…? I AM NOT UNLITERATE!

Kendall: Rirrirorrrrry, rihr ry ree reereerrr Rirrerrirrrrrggggggggrrr! (“Seriously, it’s like he’s speaking Gibberish.”)

Kendall sighs.

Kendall: Ry ROO ry roohrrr rayrehr rohr Barbarian rahruhrrr rehrurrrrrrrrrrr… (“I KNEW I should’ve taken those Rahrehrururur language lessons…”)

Mak: I am SO not unliterate…

Kendall: Roh rehrrrrr… (“Oh well…”)

Mak chuckles.

Mak: I am not BRYN unliterate!

Gazzo: Yep!

Mak: I Bryn am Bryn not unliterate Bryn…

Gazzo: Oh, lighten up! She ain’t THAT bad!

Bryn: Wait… is he TALKIN’ about me?!

Mak: Bryn, I am NOT…

A tear rolls down Mak’s cheek.

Mak: …unliterate.

Bryn: Uh… yeah, sure… whatever you say.

Mak’s eyes widen.

Mak: Everyone! I am not unliterate! NOW!

Bryn: Yes, yes, that’s VERY ni-

An arrow flies past Mak’s head.

Bryn: What the Brocc?!

A man dressed in black leather armour runs up to the party. In his hand is a shortbow. He is soon followed by a woman as tall as Zed and more broadly built, who is carrying a rather ornate spear.

Man: Well well, what have we here?

The man’s face twists into a sinister grin.

Man: Look, Sara. I think we’ve found a new quarry to hunt.

Sara: Mm… I am not unliterate.

Mak: I am not unliterate?

Man: Oh, for (duck sound)’s sake… ANOTHER unliterate (duck sound)er!

Bryn: I’ll ask again… what the Brocc?!

Brocc: Okay, enough with using my name as a Broccerbroccing cuss!

Bryn: Way to use your name as a double-cuss, ya Broccing hypocrite!

Brocc: Well, excuuuuuuuuse me, Mademoiselle Fartnugget!

Man: Everyone, (duck sound)ing SHUT UP and listen to me!

Brocc: Make us.

Brent fires an arrow past Brocc’s head. One of Brocc’s green hairs becomes snared on the arrow’s tip, ripping it out of the follicle as it whizzes past.

Brocc: O-Okay, we’re listening…

Brent: Good… now let’s discuss the terms of your surrender like MOSTLY civilised-

Mak: I am not unliterate.

Brent: Good for YOU… now, which one of your merry little group speaks on behalf of the rest of you (duck sound)ers?

Bryn: That would be the aforementioned unliterate (fart sound)er.

Brent’s face twists into another evil grin.

Brent: Oh, I SEE… you’re making a joke. That’s wonderful! I, Brent, enjoy a laugh as much as the NEXT fellow.

Emily: It is no joke, good sir.

Mak: I am not unliterate, Ems.

Brent: Ah, I see… then he is having a nervous breakdown?

Emily: Y-Yes…

Brent: Not to worry. Sara here has JUST the remedy for him. Sara, if you would?

Brent motions his hand forward. Quick as a flash, Sara throws her spear into Mak’s belly, causing him to yell out in agony and slink to the ground.

Emily: Makkmak!

Brent looks at Emily.

Brent: Relax, my dear… it is a simple elixir that eases tension on the prefrontal cortex, allowing for rapid restoration of vocal function.

Emily: Oh… then why-

Brent: It is, however, administered in an intravenous capacity, though Sara REALLY ought to learn the art of bedside manners… or ANY manners, really… (duck sound)ing warrior archetypes.

Mak groans in pain.

Mak: I am not unliterate!

Brent: Hm… it should’ve taken effect by now. Sara, did you mixup the potions AGAIN?

Sara approaches the party. Amethyst lifts her staff and aims it at her.

Amethyst: Leave my friend alone, you-

Brent throws a small orb at Amethyst’s feet, engulfing her in mist. As the mist clears, she attempts to cast the spell again, but her voice is gone. She holds her hand to her mouth in surprise.

Brent: Now, now… let’s all calm down and talk things out like adults.

Brocc: No-one tells ME what to Br-

Brent picks up a rock and throws it at Brocc’s head, knocking out the gnome.

Thobrun: Oh, thank BROCC for th… I-I mean… what the BROCC are you doing?!

Thobrun readies his axe and charges at Sara. As the blade makes contact, the entire axe splinters in the middle, causing the blade half to fall to the ground.

Thobrun: My axe… my precious Senga…

Bryn: Wait… I thought Senga was your AUNT…?

Thobrun: Of COURSE she is! I named my axe AFTER her, Brynwon! What puzzles me most is HOW she splintered against this marauder!

Sara: I am not unliterate.

Sara pulls a dark yellowish-green crystal from behind her armour.

Emily: Oh… then you are-

Brent: Great… looks like the cat’s outta the (duck sound)ing bag…

Thobrun: Just who ARE you lot?

Brent: HAHA! Yes, it is I, Brenty Boi! And we… are the Crystal Faniacs!

Bryn: So… you’re a couple of Crystalbound superfans, then?

Brent: Couple? We’re a whole (duck sound)ing GROUP, Bryn-sama! You may have met our associates, Trent and Kara?

Sara grabs Emily’s wrists and pulls her away from the party.

Emily: NO! What are you DOING?

Brent: What EVERY superfan does… we’re collecting the whole set!

Sara binds her wrists together with surprisingly well-crafted rope, then ties the rope around a tree trunk.

Bryn: Does that include Magic Mutt and the Grilled Gonad Goober?

Mak turns to face Kendall.

Mak: I… am not… unliterate?

Kendall opens his mouth and points into it, then closes it and shakes his head.

Bryn: So now you DON’T wanna be a part of the group just because we’re being hoarded by a bunch of enthusiasts who think they can keep us on a shelf?

Brent: Clearly, you weren’t at Bryn & Brocc Fest.

Bryn: Dude, I CO-FOUNDED Bryn & Brocc Fest. Now SLEEP!

Bryn throws a vial of olive-yellow liquid at Brent. It shatters on his exposed arm, leaving a puddle of the liquid smeared on it.

Bryn: Any second now… any second now…

Brent yawns loudly.

Bryn: What…? That vial of liquid should’ve had you snoozing for a week!

Brent: Oh, please! Decades of all-nighters have rendered me a permanent insomniac. Well… that and this doodad I got from the club’s chairperson.

Brent pulls a deep maroon crystal from behind his neckerchief.

Brent: This trinket of mine makes me an honorary Crystalbound, just like Sara!

Bryn: It takes more than binding with a crystal to make you a Crystalbound, kid.

Thobrun: Actually, that’s literally the only requirement.

Bryn: Not helping, Thobrun.

Brent: It (duck sound)ing irritates me when someone uses “literally” in any random context…

Bryn: And as for YOU, Brenty Boi… my buddy Gazzo is gonna give y-

Bryn looks around. Gazzo is nowhere to be seen.

Bryn: That little… he went an’ Brocced off!

Mak: I am not unliter- AAAAAAAARGH!

Emily: Makkmak! Makkmak!

Mak collapses from exhaustion. Brent ties up the party, except for Amethyst, Kendall and Brocc.

Brent: Hm… this isn’t (duck sound)ing good. Sara, let’s take him to a healer so he can be patched up.

Sara: I am not unliterate?

Kendall seems to take offense.

Brent: No, he’s not a Crystalbound. If we include him, it lowers the collector’s value of the others.

Bryn: Stop (fart sound)ing OBJECTIFYING us, ya maniac!

Brent: It’s pronounced FAY-niac, Bryn-sama!

Sara: I am not unliterate?

Brent: Indeed.

Sara grabs Kendall and ties his wrists together behind his back. She then ties his leg to the tree trunk.

Brent: Okay, everyone! A quick stopover at the E.R., and then it’s off to JobCon!

Bryn: That CANNOT be a real convention…

Mak: I am not unliterate.

Bryn: I mean APART from this whole Broccing world being an abridged version.

Brent rips the spear from Mak’s side and gives it to Sara. Emily is in tears.

Emily: This is so beautiful… I didn’t expect us to have such… dedicated and loyal fans.

Mak groans and manages to get to his feet.

Brent: Easy there, big fella.

The party, Mak included, begins to trudge along.

Emily: Wait… you forgot about us!

Brent: Sara, in future I expect you to use the CORRECT (duck sound)ing elixir…

Brent stands behind the party. Sara stands in front and pulls on the rope. Mak nearly trips over as he begins to move slightly faster.

Emily: Wait! WAIT!

The party continues to move away. Emily sobs quietly. Kendall looks at the priestess with sad eyes. Brocc lies sprawled on his back in the middle of the road. His leg twitches.

Brocc: No… don’t take it outta the box…

To be Continued…

***
Closing Credits

***


Last edited by MyNameIsRyan on January 30th 2024, 2:01 am; edited 2 times in total
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Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

April 11th 2023, 3:37 am
Episode 8: The Wibbly-Wobbly Genie Wish, Part 2

Scene 1: Unknown Location: Unknown Time of Day

Zed walks through the plain alongside the girl.

Zed: This place is so… ooh, shiny!

Girl: That’s because it’s metal, Zeddy! Don’t you remember?

Zed: For the LAST time, this is my FIRST time in this place, Steve!

Girl: Jen.

Zed: I mean… I’m sure I wouldn’t EVER forget a place as ooh, shiny as THIS…

Jen: Uh, don’t you have amnesia?

Zed: And I’d DEFINITELY not forget you OR your name, Steve.

The girl suddenly stops walking, prompting Zed to also halt movement.

Girl: You really don’t remember visiting?

Zed: Correct.

Jen: Then… you may be a time-traveller.

Zed: Huh. That actually makes sense.

Jen: So that means you and Laura have yet to be reacquainted, right?

Zed: Y-

Zed’s eyes widen.

Zed: I TOLD them she wasn’t made up!

Jen: Oopsie! Did I just spoil future events?

Zed: Uh-oh… I hope Erik doesn’t find out.

Erik’s voice: OH, FOR BROCC’S SAKE! … AKE… AKE… AKE…

Jen: Suddenly I have a craving for cake…

Zed: Yeah, Erik can be kinda subliminal…

Jen giggles.

Jen: I forgot how funny you are, Zeddy.

Zed: Wait, really?

Jen: Of course!

Zed: But… why would you spoil that? Didn’t you just hear Erik’s loud yelling?

Erik’s voice: THAT WASN’T A BROCCING SPOILER, ZANDER! … DUH… DUH… DUH…

Jen’s eyes widen.

Jen: Did that sound insulting to you?

Zed: Not really, no.

Jen sighs.

Jen’s thoughts: This is gonna be a looooong immeasurable length of time…

***
Opening Credits

***
Scene 2: Platinian Nature Trail: Late Afternoon

Emily leans sideways against the tree, her hands still bound to it. She sighs. Kendall seems to be doing some sort of rhythmic dance.

Emily: I worry about Makkmak. I hope he isn’t being mobbed by journalists… considering what happened LAST time…

***
The scene jumps to redubbed footage from Star Fox 64.

Brocc (as Slippy): Oh no! We’re in the middle of the gobbo siege of that village, a Noodle Incident that was casually mentioned in the second episode of the REAL Crystals of Silveria!

Male Bryn (as Falco): Jeez Laweez! It’s a TOTAL mascara in this village!

Brocc (as Slippy): Dang it, Bryn! Why are you using Revali from Breath of the Wild as your VidChat avatar? We agreed NOT to use that feature to avoid viewer confusion!

Bryn (as Falco): I dunno… why are YOU using Frogger from… Frogger?

Brocc (as Slippy): Because the Krapp Store listed it as Sergeant Keroro! Anyway, I only bring it up ‘cos THOBRUN said not to, because “these space-jets are confusing enough as it is,” or some’it…

Thobrun (as Peppy): Hey! That sounds NUFFINK like me, Fart-Broccer!

Brocc (as Slippy): Dude, WHAT the ME?!

Bryn (as Falco): Why the heck are YOU using one, Benjamin Bunny?!

Thobrun (as Peppy): Look at me! I’m Link of the Past! Dun-dun-dun-DUUUUUUUUN!

Amethyst (as Katt): Mon amie, we must focus on the task at hand!

Kendall (as Bill): Rahreryh rih ry… (Amethyst is right…)

Thobrun (as Peppy): Yes, so shut the Brocc up and, like, so forth or whatever…

Bryn (as Falco): Wrong story, Einstein.

Brocc (as Slippy): Whoa, I was just looking at what’s trending on Chitter, and-

Bryn (as Falco): Are you SERIOUSLY looking at social media while driving?!

Brocc (as Slippy): -it’s madness! “Amethyst’s secret love affair with Silverian Wizard School teacher…”

Amethyst (as Katt): It is NOT a Wizar-

Brocc (as Slippy): “Former Crysslebound Mara runs off to elope with seahorse…”

Erik’s voice: LIES! SO MANY LIES!

Brocc (as Slippy): “The hottest new power couple, Bryn and Br… oh, that is GROSS!

Bryn (as Falco): Who the F{/#/static/#/}K is POSTING this trash?!

Kendall (as Bill): Ruh rahrs. (Your fans.)

Bryn (as Falco): WHAT?! Ew, ew, EW…

Brocc (as Slippy): WHY are ships coming out of the FANBASE?!

Emily (as R.O.B.): A counter-rumour must be planted among the fanbase.

Mak (as Fox): Jeez! Can anyone take care of it?

Suddenly, the Star Wolf theme begins as more ships approach.

“Wolf”: Can’t let you DO that, Star Blocks.

Brocc (as Slippy): Uh… come again?

“Leon”: He means “Can’t let you block what’s trending on the StarThread.”

Brocc (as Slippy): Oh, right… internet reference…

“Andrew”: You’ll be SORRY if you block US.

Mak (as Fox): Just what I need to see… Star Bullsh-

“Pigma”: Tobey! Long time, no see!

Thobrun (as Peppy): Oh, no… not YOU…

Brocc (as Slippy): Uh… Thobrun? The Brocc IS this pig?

“Pigma”: Hey!

Thobrun (as Peppy): You know how you rabbit on about that Sven character?

Brocc (as Slippy): Ooh, that Sven…

Thobrun (as Peppy): That right there… that’s MY Sven.

Brocc (as Slippy): GASP… You have your own SVENALOGUE?!

Bryn (as Falco): Oh, come on! That’s just a ripoff of GREENWAD’s lame backstory!

Brocc (as Slippy): Shut up, Bryn! From this day forth, we are SWORN RIVALS!

Bryn (as Falco): Like, ‘kay or whatever…

Brocc (as Slippy): Wrong story, Einstein!

Bryn (as Falco): Mhm… whatever, honey.

Brocc (as Slippy): Heheh… silly Bryn… ooh, that Bryn… and also ooh, that Sven…

***
The scene jumps back to the present.

Emily: …and that’s how Brocc described the siege. Meanwhile, I was busy healing a quarter of the villagers, and thus was not present to observe what truly happened.

Kendall stops his dance and looks at Emily with sad eyes. He then becomes flustered and begins to dance again. Emily perks up slightly.

Emily: I mean… there’s no WAY Makkmak would be Chaotic Stupid enough to lure the goblins into the Town Hall, lay a ring of hexplosive charges around the perimeter, and get everyone clear enough to bl-

Brocc’s voice: Oh, no! Where IS everyone?!

Brocc is suddenly standing there.

Kendall: RAYRER RAYRER! (STRANGER DANGER!)

Kendall snaps free of the rope and immediately races into the trees.

Brocc: Wow… something musta REALLY spooked Kenny-boy…

Tamamaki’s voice: We meet again, Brocc.

Tamamaki is suddenly there, in a deep trance.

Brocc: RAYRER RAYRER! (“RAYRER RAYRER!”)

Brocc beacons away in a column of green light.

Emily: I can’t believe they both LEFT me tied to this tree…

Tamamaki: A rope once-bound is twice-broken once it is thrice-birched.

Emily: Ooh, that’s so wise, Tamatama-cute… hm… what does it mean, exactly?

(beat)

Tamamaki: …I don’t know.

Scene 3: Unknown Location: Unknown Time of Day

Zed and Jen continue to walk through the plain.

Zed: This place seems to go on forever.

Jen: Well, you know what they say; “If you immediately know that the candlelight is fire, then the meal was cooked a long time ago.”

Zed: Ooh, that sounds like one of Tamamaki-coo’s proverbs… uh… what does it mean, exactly?

(beat)

Jen: This is the Ethereal Expanse, the gateway to the realms of the elements.

Zed: Uh… that’s not what I-

Jen: The Ethereal Expanse is home to more than just elemental creatures, though they do have some connection with the elements.

Zed: Okay, that’s ooh, shiny and all, but could you please answer my qu-

Jen: However, even non-elementals have an elemental attribute. In most cases, this attribute means nothing, but in some…

The symbol on Zed’s hand glows through his gauntlet.

Jen: …it can be much more important.

Zed stares at his glowing symbol.

Zed: Um… not to dampen the mood, Jenesteve, but I already know about this.

Jen stares at the mark, a puzzled expression on her face.

Jen: Well… how am I supposed to know what’s a spoiler and what isn’t with that HORSE-FISH looking over my metaphorical shoulder?

Zed: Oh, there’s no need to be paranoid… Erik’s the EPIC TOME of Private S.E.A.L.s!

Erik’s voice: It’s “EPITOME,” Zander! Eh. Pit. Oh. ME! … ME… Me… me…

Jen: See what I mean?

Zed: Silly Jenesteve! You don’t SEE sounds, you HEAR them! Silly Jenesteve, hahaha!

Erik’s voice: OH, ALRIGHT, FINE! I’LL STOP EAVESDROPPING! HAPPY?! … PEE… Pee… pee…

Jen: Hm… thank you kindly, Zeddy-chan.

Zed: Uh… you’re welcome…?

Jen giggles.

Zed’s thoughts: Heh… Erik said “peepeepee”…

Scene 4: Platinian Nature Trail: Afternoon

The party continues to trudge along. Mak’s brow is soaked with sweat, as though the agony of a forced march is too strenuous for him to bear.

Mak: Nngh… I am not unliterate?

Brent: For the LAST time, NO, we’re NOT there yet!

Sara: I am not unliterate.

Brent: Don’t YOU start!

Mak: Aw, but I am not UNLITERATE…

Brent: Well, WHY didn’t you go BEFORE we left?

Amethyst (muffled): To be fair, Monsieur, you DID cart us away with little warning…

Brent sighs.

Brent: That’s fair. Alright, we’ll stop for a while to recuperate our strength.

Brent and Sara stop moving, causing the party to stop as well. Mak collapses to his knees. Brent looks around for a moment, before kicking Mak in the leg.

Brent: I thought you had to go peepeepee, Young Man…

Thobrun: Mak, for the love of Brocc, PLEASE go into those bushes and peepeepee PROPERLY this time!

Brent: Oh, no… I am NOT travelling with someone who just LEAKS their peepeepee! Now, into those bushes and do NOT come out until you’re finished!

Mak stands to his feet and begins trudging again.

Mak: I am NOT unliterate…

Brent: Oh, so ZED is the one who’s g-

Brent pauses.

Brent: Waitaminute… Sara, why didn’t you tell me this collection is missing THE single most important figure in the set?!

Sara: I am not-

Voice: “SNEAK ATTAAAAAAAACK!”

A green and black flash emerges from the trees, knocking Brent to the ground.

Bryn: Gazzo! I KNEW you wouldn’t just Brocc off like that!

Mak: Aren’t you the one who SAID he-

Bryn: Shut UP, Makkmak! Wait…

Gazzo: It’s a MIRACLE! Makkmak is KEWERED! I guess ‘e doesn’t need this healing potion I swiped from the elf, then…

Amethyst: (muffled anguish)

Bryn: But WHY d’you come back for us?

Gazzo: Well… i-it’s ‘cos I COULDN’T just leave youse lot in the lurch wif THESE two morons, an’… uh-

Bryn (unimpressed tone): You have no idea which way to go, do you…?

Gazzo: Not as such, no.

Bryn: Classic Gazzo… teehee!

Mak: Well, I don’t need to peepeepee anymore, so I’m gonna chug this whole bottle of soda pop instead.

Mak uncorks the bottle and guzzles it surprisingly quickly.

Mak: Ah… now THAT hit the spot.

Mak grabs the front of Gazzo’s armour and pulls him up closer.

Mak: Thank you for helping us, Grizzle!

Gazzo: It’s… Gazzo.

Mak: Oh… uh… s-sorry.

Bryn: Classic Makkmak…

Gazzo: Well, now that this is all sorted out, I think I should apologise ta Brenty boi.

Gazzo turns to face Brent, who is lying face down, unconscious. Gazzo taps the side of his head twice with his foot.

Gazzo: Oh... uh… oops.

Thobrun: Is he alright?

Gazzo: What?! Pfft… SURE ‘e is, Guv!

Thobrun: It’s… Thobrun.

Gazzo: Come this time tomorra, ‘im an’ that other Goober’ll be on their way ta-

An enraged Sara whacks Gazzo into a tree with her spear. Lime-green energy surrounds her as she begins her berserker rage.

Sara: Nobody. Calls. Me. GOOBER!

Gazzo: And with that, the rogue Brocced off.

Gazzo dashes off, leaving behind a cloud of dust. Sara chases after him.

Sara: COME BACK HERE, GOOBER!

Gazzo: It’s… Gaz-

Sara: GOOOOOOOOBERRRRRRRR!

Bryn: Oh, that Goober…. he’s always getting into trouble. There was this one girl, a human I believe, who he was flirting with just so he could-

Mak: You already told us about the Windows 69 fireball incident, Bryn.

Thobrun: In UNNECESSARILY gratuitous detail, I might add.

Bryn: Oh, yeah…

Brent begins to stir.

Brent: Food that’s good, dessert that’s great, come on in to Bake n’ Eighter

Brent looks around, and becomes puzzled.

Brent: The Brocc is happeni-

Mak’s huge fist collides with Brent’s head, knocking him out cold.

Mak: So… who wants to go to JobCon?

Thobrun: Ooh, yes please!

The party walks back the way they came, leaving Brent lying in the middle of the road.

Bryn’s voice: Wrong way, Goober…

Mak’s voice: Oh, uh… I knew that.

Amethyst’s voice (muffled): Sacre bleu…

Scene 5: Ethereal Expanse: Unknown Time of Day

Zed and Jen continue to walk through the Ethereal Expanse.

Zed: I’m gonna be hungry eight syllables from now, Jenesteve.

Jen: Whatever do you-

Zed’s stomach rumbles.

Zed: Women’s intuition.

Jen: But… you are male, yes?

Zed: It’s a figure of speech.

Jen: I see…?

Zed reaches into his pack, pulling out a container.

Zed: It’s a good thing I packed a tasty lunch before my clothes and possessions disappeared via unusual means!

***
Zed and Jen sit on a raised, flat piece of ground. Zed bites into a small cream cake.

Zed: This is really stale…

Zed pushes his container slightly towards Jen.

Zed: I don’t think these are edible.

Jen: Oh, I can help with that.

Zed: Really? You can make these cakes fresh and tasty again?

Jen: Of course. Do you believe in magic?

Zed: Well-

Zed bites into his cake.

Zed (mouthful): Of COURSE I do.

Jen: How about ELEMENTAL magic?

Zed chews and swallows.

Zed: Well… as a human who’s never witnessed it firsthand, I’m predisposed to believe that it cannot POSSIBLY exist.

Jen: Then prepare to have your mind blown… uh… for the first time… again…

Zed’s eyes widen.

Zed: I don’t believe it…

Jen stands up and steps back, out of the way. Her body begins to glow, and she transforms into a bald, glowing-white humanoid form, with eyes glowing bright white.

Jen: I am one of the Gen, the basest of all genies.

Zed: Ooh, shiny…

Zed stares at the true form of Jen, before putting the rest of his cake into his mouth as the scene freezes in the style of a ‘90s era VHS cassette.

Zed’s voice: Now, I’d LIKE to wrap up this episode by insisting this is the running gag I used to react to Jenesteve’s true form, but I’m a good guy who tells no lies. So instead, I’m gonna show you the running gag I REALLY used to react to Jenesteve’s true form.

The scene rewinds to just before Jen reveals her true form… again.

Jen: Then prepare to have your mind blown… uh… for the first time… again…

Zed’s eyes widen.

Zed: I don’t believe it…

Jen stands up and steps back, out of the way. Her body begins to glow, and she transforms into a bald, glowing-white humanoid form, with eyes glowing bright white.

Jen: I am one of the Gen, the basest of-

Zed: RAYRER RAYRER! (STRANGER DANGER!)

To be Continued…[/i]

***
End Credits

***


Last edited by MyNameIsRyan on January 30th 2024, 2:01 am; edited 1 time in total
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Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

November 10th 2023, 12:57 am
Episode 9: The Timey-Wimey Love Story, Part I

Scene 1: Ethereal Expanse: Unknown Time of Day

Zed stares at Jen's true form, his mouth full of cake. He chews once, then after a brief pause, he chews again. Finally, he swallows his mouthful. He opens his mouth to speak, but Jen interrupts him in a cheesy vampire-esque voice.

Jen: I am a GLOWY SCARY GENIE, bleh, bleh, bleh!

Zed: Whoa… you sound just like a va-

Jen: A valkyrie? I sound nothing LIKE a valkyrie, bleh, bleh, bleh!

Zed: N-No… I was gonna say you sound like a va-

Jen: A vagabond? I’ll have you know I have WAY better job security zen a VAGABOND, bleh, bleh, bleh!

Zed: No, what I mean is that you sound like a vam-

Jen: A vam sandwich? You know as well as I that VAM SANDWICHES CAN’T TALK, bleh, bleh, bleh!

Zed: Okay, this is getting confusing… any chance you’re able to change back?

Jen: NO!!!!! Oh, wait… yes.

(pause)

Jen: …bleh, bleh, bleh!

Jen closes her glowing-white eyes. Her whole body glows with white light as she assumes her human form. She opens her eyes and smiles at Zed.

Jen: Is that better?

Zed: No, y-

Zed’s eyes bulge.

Zed: Wait… I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU!

Jen: YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME!

Zed: I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU!

Jen: YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME!

Zed: I CAN UNDERSTAND YOU!

Jen: YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME!

Zed: YOU CAN UNDERSTAND ME!

Jen: I CAN UNDERSTwaaaaaitaminute…

Jen slowly walks towards Zed, stopping to face him.

Jen: You tricked me! Do you know how many humans are able to trick a genie?

Zed: Um…?

Jen: Zero! It’s impossible for any human to trick a genie. We’re the ultimate tricksters. Especially freet. Those guys are MEAN WITH A CAPITAL ME…

Zed: But... that means I’m not human…?!

Jen: Well, duh! Obviously!

Zed: So… that makes me a… genie?

Jen laughs for a solid ten seconds.

Jen: Oh, you’re serious…

Zed: Uh… y-yeah?

Jen laughs harder for half a minute.

Jen: Oh, that’s hilarious…

Zed: Hey, I’m standing right here!

Jen rolls her eyes.

Jen: Well, OBVIOUSLY… moron.

Zed: N-No, I meant y-

Jen: Look, I haven’t got all day, so-

Zed: But I thought there was no time here.

Jen: Yeah, because we’re OUT OF TIME. You gotta vamoose so I can see my next client, sweetie.

Zed: “Client”… “Next”… “Sweetie…?!”

Jen: Any requests?

Zed: Maybe lay off the implied sexual harassment a little?

Jen: N-No, I meant… your wish.

Zed: Wait… I get three wishes?!

Jen: No, genius! Ya only get one for out-trickin’ a frickin’ genie!

Zed: Dang it… I wish I could go back to before I made that reckless decision.

A “wish granted” boing effect from I Dream of Jeannie sounds.

Zed: W-Wait, that wasn’t my wi-

***
Opening Credits

***

Scene 2: Coppelian Nature Trail: Morning

The Crystalbound, Kendall and Tamamaki are walking along a road. Golden-leaved trees line the sides of the road. Mak inhales deeply through his nose, and exhales through his mouth, a smile on his face.

Mak: Ah, nothin’ like the smell o’ the ocean…

Bryn: Have you forgotten that we’re in the middle of the Broccing woods?

A surprised look spreads across Mak's face.

Mak: Have you forgotten an orc’s sense of smell is a hundred times stronger than a Greatkin’s?

Bryn: Have you forgotten you’re only HALF an orc?!

Mak: Of course not!

Bryn: Okay, just checking.

Mak breathes a sigh of relief.

Bryn: I SAW that, Fart-Broccer!

Mak: D’oh!

Bryn: HAHAHAHAHA! Brocc, you owe me Eleventy-Seven Axian Dollars.

Mak stops. He slowly turns to face Bryn.

Mak: Have you been betting on my intelligence?

Bryn: Of course not!

Amethyst: Ooh, Broccoli is currently leading in our syndicate on MakBet.duhhhrrrrr

Bryn: Not helping, Amethyst…

Thobrun: Hwhat?! He’s knocked me off the top spot?!

Bryn: Why the frick is our Goody-Two-Smites PALADIN in our betting ring?!

Amethyst: Dwarven culture is vastly different from ours, Cher Brynwon.

Brocc snickers in the background.

Brocc’s voice: “Brynwon.”

Bryn: Brocc, shut up!

Erik: ‘sup, homes?

Erik walks up to the party. Mak glares at him.

Mak: You...

Mak grabs the front of Erik's tunic and holds him at eye level.

Mak: You promised you’d buy me a toy, ya BIG FAT FISHY-SMELLY LIAR!

Erik: I... assure you it’s on my to-do list, my friend.

Mak: To-do list? TO-DO LIST?!

Erik: If you'll just lower me to the ground, we can discuss the deets, bro-bidét-o.

Mak: How about you buy me an action figure now before I decide to use YOU as one?!

Emily: Makkmak! This is not the way to speak with your elders!

Mak calms down. He drops Erik to his feet.

Mak: What? Just look at his face, Ems! He can’t be more than 25 years old… that’s not even CLOSE to being an old fartcrawler!

Amethyst’s voice: You said the same thing to me when we first met, and I’m 150 years old!

Mak looks at Erik.

Mak: Uh… s-sorry, Gramps…?

Erik: Technically, I’m functionally immortal.

Mak: Oh, what the Brocc?! That’s not fair!

Erik: Fear not, for your lifespan is similarly unnebulous. Come, and I shall discuss.

Erik gestures the party to follow him. The group begins walking along the road.

Brocc: So, uh... when do I get to demolish the Fourth Wall this episode?

Mak groans.

Scene 3: Unknown Location: Unknown Time of Day

The Sorceress of Winter sits atop her throne. Brent and Sara stand before her.

Sorceress: You failed to detain the Crystalbound. What excuses have you prepared for me?

Brent: Oh, come on! It isn’t OUR fault we were *CENSORED* outmatched! Besides, SHE *CENSORED* flipped out and scared our collectables away. If you wanna blame someone, she’s the *CENSORED* you want.

Sorceress: Acceptable... BARELY. And you, Sara. What do you have to say for yourself?

Sara: I am not unliterate.

Sorceress: Just the answer I wished to hear. But mark my words...

Brent gulps.

Sorceress: The only reason I am giving you both another chance is that you came close to bringing me the Crystalbound, not to mention weakening their strongest member.

Brent: Rest assured, Mistress, that I will bring you those punks...or *CENSORED* trying. And... B*CENSORED*ella over here can help *CENSORED* up some do-gooder skulls, I suppose.

Sara: Ooh, I am not unliterate! I AM NOT UNLITERATE!

Brent facepalms with a loud smack.

Brent: So *CENSORED* help me...

Sorceress: See that you keep them alive, Brenton, otherwise...

The Sorceress points to her ice-vault.

Sorceress: You do not wish to meet the same fate as Trenton and Kara, I assume?

Brent: Oh, *CENSORED* no!

Sorceress: That will be all. Now, get out of my sight!

Brent: Uh, a-at once, Mistress… *CENSORED*!

Brent leaves the room. Sara stands there.

Sorceress: Do you need something, Sara?

Sara: I am not unliterate.

The Sorceress sighs.

Sorceress: Why do I put up with these fools?

Director’s voice: CUT! Okay, that’s a wrap. Carey, you were FAB as always!

The Sorceress giggles sweetly.

Sorceress: I do my best, teehee!

Director’s voice: Jimmi, you were a LITTLE overly dramatic in that scene.

Sara: Oh, my bad.

Director’s voice: No, no, it’s GREAT! That’s just the characterisation we want from your character. Keep up the great work!

Sara: Eh, it was nothin’…

Director’s voice: And Bimmy, you don’t ACTUALLY need to swear. We censor out those bits of dialogue in post-production.

Brent’s voice: *CENSORED* you, Dave!

Director’s voice: Oh, he is SO getting an anticlimactic ending to his character arc…

Scene 4: Unknown Location: Unknown Time of Day

Zed floats unconscious inside an energy tube. His eyes suddenly fly open, and he looks around. He is in his underwear.

Zed: What the...? Ooh, bligh me….

Zed sees a figure resembling a male human with slightly-pointed ears enter through a doorway.

Figure's thoughts: I had no idea his kind had advanced so much...

Zed: WHAT?

The figure walks over to him.

Figure: You… can hear my inner monologue?

Zed: Yeah…?

Figure: I see…

Zed: It’s nice to meet you, Axian.

Axian: Are… you STILL reading my thoughts?

Zed: Well, it isn’t like I can control it.

Axian: I see…

Zed: Hey, there’s no need for name-calling!

Axian: Can… you TRY to filter out my inner voice?

Zed: Of course not. That’d be like trying to filter in your OUTER voice… I mean filter OUT your outer voice… I mean filter OUT your OUTER… well, you get it.

Axian: I see…

Zed: Oh, well, I’m flattered, but I’m still getting over a bad breakup. Although…

Axian: Alright, that’s it. I’m putting you back under before y-

Zed: OOH… now that is RERRY rhiny indeed…

Axian uses some advanced-looking controls. A hissing sound is heard inside the tube. Zed's vision begins to distort, and the sounds in the room begin to echo.

Zed: Ah, basghetti…

The mark on Zed's hand begins glowing with cyan light. Zed's vision begins to darken. As it does so, he hears a distant, beautiful song comprised of five notes, before he slips into a state of unconsciousness. We hear a phone being dialled in the background.

Axian’s voice: Code Cyan. I’m gonna have to bring him to You-Know-Who… that’s right… him…

Scene 5: Unknown Location: Unknown Time

Zed comes to his senses, and he realises he's standing in a dark, empty space. Beneath his feet glows the same mark as on his hand.

Zed: Oh, no…

Voice: Well, well, well… if it isn’t ZEDDY-POO.

Zed: Hello… my Evil Ex-Boyfriend…

To be Continued…

***
Closing Credits

***
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Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author Empty Re: Crystals of Silveria Abridged, Vol. II - A Meta-Parody... thing by the Author

January 30th 2024, 1:52 am
Episode 10: The Timey-Wimey Love Story, Part II

Scene 1: The Wayward Stoat Tavern: Afternoon

The Crystalbound, Kendall and Erik sit at a table. Tamamaki is nowhere to be seen.

Mak: Okay, we're here. Now let’s talk business. When we get to the toy store, you’re gonna buy me all the toys on that list I gave you!

Emily: Makkmak!

Mak: Sorry... “When we get to the toy store, may I PLEEEEEEEEEASE have all the toys on that list I gave you…?”

Emily: MUCH better…

Erik: I would be happy to buy you these items.

Emily: What do we say, Mak…?

Mak: Thank you, Mr. Erik sir…

Emily: Very good!

Erik: It really is the least I can do for the trouble I’ve caused you, Mak.

Bryn: Mak? What about Zed?! He’s stuck in th-

Erik: But first, the title sequence.

Mak: Oh, can’t we just skip it this ti-

***
Opening Credits

***

Erik: Now, to business. Are you all familiar with the makeup of the universe?

Amethyst: Of course. There are multiple-

Bryn: Yeah, yeah, “there are infinite planes soaring throughout the university”… now will someone PLEASE think of Zed?!

Erik: Oh, Zed… that’s right…

(beat)

Bryn: …you completely forgot all about him, didn’tcha, Gramps?

Erik: Yes and no.

Mak: The Brocc do you mean, "yes and no"? Either you did or you didn’t.

Erik: I assure you that both of those statements are correct, Makkmak.

Mak: I swear, if you don’t start making sense and/or buy me those fronkin’ toys RIGHT NOW, I will PERSONALLY break my promise and PUNCH you in your STUPID SEAHORSEY FA-

The party stares at Mak.

Mak: Uh... I mean... nice weather we're having, right? Heheh...

Bryn: What, um… what promise?

Thobrun: He and Emily are engaged!

Brocc: Why did you let us believe that you were still a bachelor?!

Mak: Oh, great… now EVERYONE knows!

Amethyst: You honestly had yet to realise, Cher Broccoli?

Brocc: Well, yeah! But if he's gonna be a Lord, then that entitles us to certain privileges which are currently unaddressed, and I can’t WAIT to abuse the me outta them, heheheh…

Bryn: Aren’t you already a prince from another world or something like that…?

Brocc pauses.

Brocc: Wait a second... who told you that?!

Bryn: You did. Just now.

Brocc: What- but- how the-

Mak: You never told us that, Brocc…

Brocc: ‘cos you’re not s’posed to know yet!

Kendall: Rerr, Ri rew rahrw, Broccoli. (“Well, I knew that, Rorrorree.”)

Brocc: What...? How does the DOG know?!

Kendall: Roo rewr rih Rohrerriurrrrr. (“You smell like [TRANSLATION UNAVAILABLE].”)

Brocc: Well, this is just great… you've all discovered one of the BIGGEST spoilers before it’s s’posed to be revealed… this is pretty messed up, right Erik?

Erik: Well, actually, I-

Bryn: Sorry for interrupting the spoiler dump-

Brocc: Then DON’T interrupt, Bryndaberg Dum!

Bryn: -but WHERE THE BROCC IS ZED?!

Mak: Well, Erik remembers but he doesn’t. Care to clarify?

Erik: Very well. Yes, I remember where he is. No, it isn’t WHERE he is that’s important.

Bryn: Whoa, back up a minute... why doesn’t it matter WHERE he is?

Erik: Tl;dr? He’s dealing with a messy breakup.

Mak: Wait… he had a GIRLFRIEND?!

Amethyst: I cannot even begin to fathom the notion of Cher Zed having dated a woman…

Erik: Technically, that’s still true…

Emily: My word! Is he…?

Erik: I assure you he is just fine. An acquaintance of mine is about to encounter him in the distant past.

Erik's thoughts: Already, they must be confu-

Bryn: Oh, so HE’S the Steve from that one book about the Crystalbound prophecy…

Erik: Wait-

Amethyst: Of course…

Erik: But-

Thobrun: Oh, yes… I remember that one!

Mak and Emily murmur in agreement.

Erik: How-

Brocc: Whoa... I gotta check it out for myself!

Brocc races out the door.

Mak: How do you NOT know about this book?

Erik: I haven’t read it before. Not once, in fact.

Mak: But… EVERYONE on Junihoshi’s read it!

Erik: I'm afraid it's not that simple, my friend. I may be on Junihoshi NOW, but I am not on Junihoshi THEN… and neither is Brocc… or Zed and his ex, for that matter… though it is both now AND then, in their case… but in different ways, mind…

Mak: Okay, you're being deliberately cryptic now.

Erik: I apologise, but I will read this very tome tonight.

Erik stands up.

Erik: We shall meet again.

Erik walks out of the tavern as Brocc walks back in.

Mak: Hey, what about the toy store...?! NNGH!

Brocc: Uh... Erik? Any chance of a lift to the nearest librar-

Brocc looks around.

Brocc: Where'd he go?

Mak facepalms.

Scene 2: Unknown Location: Unknown Time of Day

Zed stands in the middle of the cyan-coloured symbol. The "walls" start to ripple with cyan energy.

Voice: We meet again, Zed… well, kinda.

Zed: Hello… Steeeeeve…?

Voice: Um… no…?

Zed: Wait, your name ISN’T Steve? Then who ARE you? Actually... wh-where IS this?

Voice: This is your mindscape, the centre of all your awareness. Here, your three mind sections of emotion, thought, and resolve converge into the point of persona.

Zed: Oh.

Voice: You wanna know who I am? Well, first you gotta remember who YOU are…

Approximate age: Thirty-something.

Rate of age: Pretty much stopped.

Elemental attribute: Well, you’re a Water sign, so… that, probably? I’unno…

Favourite food: Burgers

Favourite colour: Blue… no, yellow… no, pink…?


Voice: What’s your favourite colour again?

Zed: Uh-

Voice: Never mind… now where were we…?

Favourite music: Technoelectropopachip

Favourite fantasy class: Wizard


Zed: Actually, it’s Bard, Druid, Paladin, Ranger, and Sorcerer.

Voice: Wait, really?

Zed: Always has been.

Voice: But… you play as wizards all the time!

Zed: Not anymore. Sorcerers have been my go-to caster for… well, it’s been a while now…

Voice: …moving on…

Favourite guy: Me… well, I USED to be…

HINT. HINT.

Stage of development: Third-time Zednesia.


Oh… this changes EVERYTHING…

Zed: So I have… “Zednesia”…?

Voice: When you didn’t call, I thought for SURE that you’d run off with some other guy named “Steve Crynock,” but it’s WAY more serious than that, isn’t it Zeddy-poo?

Zed: Zeddy... poo?

Voice: I… am SO sorry I doubted you. If I’d known you were lost with no memory of who you are and where you’re from…

Zed: So you know where I’m from?

Voice: Well, of COURSE I do, sweetie! I’m the one who helped you the FIRST time you lost your memories, remember?

Zed: Um… no?

Voice: RIIIIIGHT… Zednesia… I can be SUCH a dumb frog sometimes, can’t I?

Zed: Um…?

Voice: Darn it! Sorry, Zeddy…

Zed: Are… you my…?

Voice: Well… we… I mean you and I were-

Erik ripples into shape in front of Zed.

Zed: Erik? What are YOU doing here?

Voice: Wait… WHO the NORB is ERIK?!

Erik: Oh, dear… have I called at a bad time?

Voice: I don’t BELIEVE this… DR. HOLLOWS?!

Erik: Tad? But… why are… HOW did-

Zed: “Tad”…?

Tad’s voice: Did YOU have something to do with this?!

Zed: I’m confused…

Erik: Oh no… Zed’s going through a tunnel…

Zed: Wait… what?!

Tad’s voice: Don’t y-

Erik: ### soz ### bruh ### -tatic ###

A bright light engulfs Zed's mindscape.

***
Zed opens his eyes. He sits up and realises he's atop a bed. He is back in his outfit.

Zed: Um... the Brocc just happened?

***
Zed heads down a flight of wooden stairs. He appears to be in a living area, though many of the usual modern comforts seem to be missing.

Zed: This is too weird...

Voice: Ohyou’veawakened!

A young man with messy shoulder-length blonde hair stands from a chair and walks over to Zed. He speaks with a somewhat-chipmunky voice.

Man: Howareyoufeelinggoodsir?

Zed: Uh... where am I?

Man: ComewithmeIwanttoshowyousomething!

The scene woosh-slides to the next clip.

Zed: WHOOOOOA!

***
The young man leads Zed through the village, pointing to various locations and landmarks.

Zed: Man, that was a rush…

Man: ...andthat'swheretheWerewolfLivesMattermovementbeganfiftyyearsago!

Zed: Fifty years? Wait... oh no...

Man: WhatsupDoc?

Zed: I need to sit down...

Zed sits on a low wall.

Man: Notimeforthatnowc’monbruh!

Zed: No, wai-

The scene woosh-slides to the next clip.

Zed: WHOOOOOA…

Scene 3: Coppelian Nature Trail: Afternoon

The Crystalbound, Kendall and Tamamaki walk along a road lined with copper-leaved trees.

Tamamaki: Ooh, chairy*…

*Chairo - pronounced “CHY-roh” - is Japanese for the colour Brown

Bryn: And just where were you during our tavern visit, Tamamaki?

Tamamaki: Forgive me, Bryn-sama. I was browsing a nearby toy shop.

Mak: Aw, man…

Brocc: D’you find anything good?

Tamamaki: Of course. I have acquired the final components to build the mighty Megalomecha.

Mak: AW, MAN…

Bryn: Weren’t you in Technotroops, Amethyst?

Mak: Wait… you were?!

Amethyst: Indeed I was, Cher Brynwon. I voiced the characters of Sleek, Artemistral, and the dastardly Dora Endora Salvadora.

Tamamaki: That is most fascinating, Amethyst-sama.

Amethyst: Merci beaucoup, Cher Maquie d'Oeuf.

Brocc: Wow… my best friend’s mentor in his ultimately pointless wizard studies was once a celebrity in the local otaku scene.

Mak: Ultimately pointless…? Brocc, what the… YOU are you talkin’ about?!

Brocc: Spoilers, sweetie…

Mak sighs.

Mak: That sounded NUFFINK like Amethyst…

Emily: Oh, I am most excited for our wedding!

Mak: Eh, I can take or leave it.

Amethyst: How can you speak so apathetically of the most important day of your life?

Thobrun: Indeed. You should count yourself lucky, my lad!

Mak: But I wasn’t even TALKING about my tenth birthday, Amethyst! I mean, do ANY of you know anything about-

Voice: Makkmak?

Mak suddenly stops walking. The rest of the party stops as well. Mak stares at a middle-aged man in the distance. He has strawberry-blonde hair and a moustache. He is carrying some explorer's gear, including a backpack.

Mak: Whoa...

Amethyst: You know this monsieur?

Mak: Know him? He's my Daddy…

Scene 4: Coppelian Nature Trail: Afternoon

Brent and Sara walk along a similar copper-leaved tree-lined road.

Brent: They better be ‘round here somewhere... these new boots are giving me carbuncles the size of [CENSORED]ing Megalomecha…

Sara: I am not unliterate.

Brent: Yeah, you an’ me both, sister…

Brent's thoughts: And I have a personal score to settle with-

Brent: GAH! These boots can GET F-

Scene 5: Tea House: Coppelian Nature Trail: Afternoon

The party sits at a table with Mak's father, Theodor, in a Ryokorese-style tea house. Cups of tea and various treats such as meat-filled buns and dumplings are spread across it. Mak is playing “pew-pew” with two action figures vaguely reminiscent of Transformers.

Mak: BOOF! “Ha-ha! I have found your ONE weakness, Herodron!” “Oh, no… I have fallen to the mighty Villifrack… NOT!” BZZAPITY! “You win again, Goodibutz! Ahhhhhhhh…” BWORP!

Brocc: Wow, I never thought we'd find a Kisetsuese tea house inside a toy shop!

Tamamaki: We are very close to the Shuken-Akagane Temple. This is a popular location for all the pilgrims who visit from Ryokoro.

Brocc: Well, props to you for finding it, Dragon-dude.

Brocc sips his green tea.

Brocc: Ah... tastes like green.

Emily: So Mr. Clay-

Theodor: Please, call me “Dad.”

Emily: Very well, “Dad”… tell us... what was Makkmak like as a boy?

Theodor: Oh, he was quite the rascal, let me tell you! Always breaking dishes and running into walls...

Mak: That was more out of clumsiness, Dad.

Theodor: You still made quite a mess, though.

Mak: I was two.

Theodor: Ah, yes... how the years fly by... how old are you now, son? Five? Six?

Mak: 24, actually.

Theodor: No, that can’t be right. Just yesterday I was getting you ready for your first day of school…

Mak: That was eighteen years ago, Dad...

Theodor: I’m sure I’d remember that… oh well, I suppose I’ll have to ask your mother.

Mak clears his throat awkwardly.

Mak: Uh, Dad…? Mom disappeared YEARS ago on an expedition, remember?

Bryn: Starting to think Zed isn’t the ONLY one with memory issues ‘round here…

Brocc: Really? Y’think?

Theodor: Actually, I have some news for you…

Mak: Wait… does that mean-

Bryn: -she came BACK?!

Mak accidentally drops one of his toys on Bryn's foot in surprise.

Bryn: -OW!

Mak’s voice: Sorry!

Theodor: Not… exactly…

Brocc: If we’re taking a trip to Coppelia, then we’re gonna need a HUGE feast to fuel up... waiter, another round of your finest my-hair-colouriest hot beverage, and eleventy-seven servings of EVERYTHING on the menu! Oh, and charge it to this card…

Brocc hands a WasterCard to a waiter.

Bryn: Hey, wait… Brocc, that’s MY credit card!

Mak laughs loudly.

Mak: That's our Brocc!

Bryn facepalms.

Bryn (muffled): Sacre verte…

Scene 6: Souwest Village: Morning

The young man whooshes to the front of a wooden door.

Vel: Wellhereweare.

We hear the sound of someone losing their lunch off-screen.

Zed’s voice: I knew eating that ninth cream cake in the Ethereal Expanse was a mistake…

Vel: Iamsurethetwoofyouaregoingtohititoff!

Zed steps next to Erik.

Zed: Well, as long as he has some herbal tea to help ease my motion sickness... *burp*

Vel rapidly knocks on the door, causing the timber around the doorknock to splinter. A familiar-looking individual opens it and greets him.

Man: Ah, Vel. It is good to see you again.

Vel: Toyouaswell,mydearfriend.

The individual turns to look at Zed.

Zed: Wait… Erik?!

Suddenly, the doorknock thuds to the ground, followed by the door splintering and falling to pieces, which somehow leads to the entirety of Erik’s cottage falling around him. As the dust settles, we see the symbol on the back of Zed's hand is glowing with cyan light, just as a similar mark on the back of Erik's right hand starts doing the same.

Zed: But… how-

Erik: RAYRER RAYRER!!! (STRANGER DANGER!!!)

***
To be Concluded in Season Three!

***
End Credits

***

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