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Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack Empty Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack

July 17th 2020, 3:05 am
Hello, salve and [friendly greeting in not-of-this-Earth language], everyone! Welcome to this educational-ish... uh... thing, I guess... where I attempt to teach you stuff 'n junk mostly related to gaming, anime and so on, some of which you may know, and a lot of it basically useless trivia delivered in a (hopefully) amusing way. Razz

I'll call this attempt at edutainment "Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk", because "Did You Know [insert theme]" is already taken, and "Ethan Teaches You Informative Things" doesn't make sense. Because my name isn't Ethan.

See? I'm already teaching you stuff 'n junk, and I haven't even gotten to the first topic yet! lol!

So, let's get to the first topic yet... I'm sure at least SOME of you have wondered if anyone would even bother to come up with a comprehensive-ish, rudimentarily-categorised list of Pokémon region names that is unlike anything that anyone NOT named Joe Merrick would even consider.

Well, wonder no longer, because that's EXACTLY what I'm doing right now! Here, for your (possible) enjoyment, is (almost) every Pokémon region in the entire franchise thus far, including ones that may not ACTUALLY be regions but still sort-of count in a way... technically:

    Main Series (in release order)
  • Kanto (aka Kanto in the real world)
  • Johto (aka mostly Kansai in the real world)
  • Hoenn (aka Kyushu rotated 90° in the real world)
  • Mirage Island (aka that thing you read about in the Pokémon Ruby and Sapphire strategy guide and/or SPP in the real world)
  • Orre (aka where @Towafan7 is from in the real world)
  • Sevii Archipelago (aka multiple islands far south of the Japanese mainland in the real world)
  • Sinnoh (aka Hokkaido at a slight angle in the real world)
  • Unova (Pokémon Black) (aka the state of New York though representative of the US as a collective in the real world)
  • Unova (Pokémon White) (aka the state of New York though representative of the US as a collective in the real world)
  • The Dream World (aka the dream world in the real world but not Dreamworld in the real world)
  • The Interdream Zone (aka being half-asleep in the real world)
  • Kalos (aka the northern part of France and its associated municipalities in the real world)
  • Alola (Pokémon Sun) (aka 50% of the eight largest islands of Hawaii in the real world, one of which is potentially the most blatant clue to SINNOH CONFIRMED theorists... in the real world, of course, as people in the Pokémon world can confirm that Sinnoh exists... in the Pokémon world)
  • Alola (Pokémon Moon) (aka 50% of the eight largest islands of Hawaii in the real world, and with the same SINNOH CONFIRMED stuff as the Pokémon Sun version of Alola, but also with the entire world twelve hours out of sync with every other version of Pokémon reality, meaning it's also based on Daylight Savings Time in the real world to a factor of twelve)
  • Ultra Space (aka something that exists far beyond the real world... in the real world)
  • Galar (aka Great Britain rotated 180° in the real world)
  • The Isle of Armor (aka the Isle of Man in the real world)
  • The Crown Tundra (aka how many real-world British people understandably perceive their homeland's weather... in the real world. In a word: COLD. In a word if you happen to be a Scot: CAULD.)

    Anime-only Regions
  • Orange Archipelago (aka multiple islands south of the Japanese mainland but not quite as far south as the ones that inspired the main series Sevii Archipelago... in the real world)
  • Decolore Archipelago (aka... uh... hm... quietly moves onto the next category)

    TCG-only Regions
  • Pokémon Trading Card Game Island (aka Pokémon TCG Championships in the real world)
  • Jungle (aka... jungles... in the real world)
  • Team Great Rocket Island (aka a mishmash of Po Town and Rainbow Rocket Castle in Alola (Pokémon Sun) and Alola (Pokémon Moon) in the Pokémon world, with Pokémon Trading Card Game Island in a world which is kind of ambiguous about whether-or-not it's actually IN the Pokémon world...)
  • Southern Islands (aka Alola in the Pokémon world more than a decade and a half early... seriously, the Southern Islands Collection has artwork of Alolan Exeggutor, and I'm not even joking!)
  • Holon (aka Holon in the Pokémon Trading Card Game)
  • The Dragon Frontier (aka Variantpalooza)

    Spinoff-only regions
  • Pokémon Island (aka nature preserves in the real world)
  • Stadium Land (aka sports stadiums in the real world)
  • White City (aka playing the Gen V games, then feeling confused about why there isn't a place in the games called Black Forest, shortly before discovering that it is, in fact, a super-delicious, fruit-filled chocolate mud cake... mmm... )
  • Fiora (aka the Mediterranean in the real world)
  • Pokétopia (aka Pokémon Battle Revolution is underrated and is still enjoyable, plus the music is A-MA-ZING!)
  • Almia (aka parts of Honshu and Hokkaido in the real world that aren't parts of Kanto and Sinnoh in the Pokémon world)
  • Oblivia (aka Pacific and South Sea isles in the real world, like the ones in the Disney classic Moana, which I definitely recommend. Also, Hawaii as portrayed in the Lilo & Stitch franchise is basically a Disney take on Alola. If only there was a portable Experidex they could use to round up Stitch's cousins... or their own Rotom Dex. That'd be sweet... )

And I didn't even mention the region(s) in the Mystery Dungeon series, because they're all affectionately referred to as "the Pokémon World". So the Pokémon world has multiple regions that are all named "the Pokémon World", which are inhabited only by Pokémon, and occasionally an amnesiac human who has somehow become a Pokémon reflective of their personality suddenly appears from nowhere and... the inhabitants have heard of humans despite never having seen one. Makes perfect sense, right? Wink

Next time: The Mathematics of Quantum Blueberry Muffins, with guest lecturer Cranky Kong. Hope to see you there! victory

Wait a minute... I didn't agree to that! And WHY would ya use that Mario Smilemoji?! You should know FULL WELL that I still have a grudge with him after all these years! Whydja think I've never signed up for the Mario Go-Derby Races?! Mad

Well... okay, it's mostly because Donkey keeps signin' up, and I know for a fact that he pigs out on bananas and then leaves the skins on the track for others to not see and... SKID-SPIN-CATHUNK! That poor Toadshroom fellow... and THAT is why I'm not doin' this electure! As the cheese says, "Yer on yer 'lone!" Mad

~Love, Cranky I love you

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Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack Empty Re: Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack

July 18th 2020, 4:38 am
Hello, hey and listen, everyone! Yes, it's time for another installment of Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk, the show where I, Jack, teach you stuff... and junk... and occasionally things. But only during special themed episodes. Wink

Now onto the special theme of today's ep: the official timeline of The Legend of Zelda! Now as some of you may believe aware, the timeline is as follows:

  • The Golden Goddesses create Hyrule
  • The events of The Legend of Zelda
    Two hours later...
  • The events of Link's Awakening... for the third time in recorded history

    This implies that the timeline is based on the exact order of release, starting with Dark Prince Gannon kidnapping Princess Zelda and Impa sending "Link" to gather the eight pieces of the Triforce with Wisdom, and the most recent chapter being Link getting caught in a storm at sea for the third time in a row and having a weird(ly specific) recurring spoiler moment again. But what if I told you that each installment fits into a certain slot along a branching timeline that makes SO much more sense in a wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey, windy-windy, foury-swourdy, Tingly-Wingly way?

    Here, for your edutainment, is the entire timeline of the Legend of Zelda series, as interpreted by someone who has no real credibility other than being a huge fan (both literally AND metaphorically)! "Let's-a GO!" sonic

    Creation of Hyrule
  • The Golden Goddesses (Din, Nayru and Farore) create the Surface, a world that will, in time, contain the beautiful Kingdom of Hyrule surrounded by mountains and forests, as well as the Sacred Realm, and leave behind the Triforce as a divine byproduct of their return to the heavens
  • The not-so-nice entity Demise lays waste to the Surface, with Hylia, the Goddess of Light (not to be confused with Lady Palutena from an unrelated franchise that isn't the topic of this episode) gathering the few surviving humans onto an island and casting it aloft into the Sky, with said island being named Skyloft (makes sense, no?)
  • Beginning of the Cycle: The events of Skyward Sword, during which the first incarnations of Link and Zelda are born, and their struggle to defeat a revived, very-ticked-off Demise leads to the latter eternally being reborn as each mortal incarnation of Ganondorf Dragmire, and both the hero and heroine cast into the same fate, with them becoming each chapter's then-current Link and Zelda, respectively
  • The Picori Blade: The events of The Minish Cap, during which we see the forging of the Four Sword
  • The Four Stoo- I mean... Four Sword: The events of either Four Swords or Four Swords: Anniversary Edition, depending on your perspective, during which Link touches the Four Sword and his body shatters into pieces (Don't worry, he gets better!), with each fragment forming into a uniquely-garbed version of himself (See? I told you!)
  • The Imprisoning War: The events of either Ocarina of Time, Ocarina of Time: Master Quest or Ocarina of Time 3D, depending on your perspective, during which we are introduced to the Six Sages (and later, the Seventh Sage, who is obvious to those who've played A Link to the Past); either way, the timeline branches in three incrementally-occurring ways, one after another, with each triggered in turn by Link, then Ganon, then Zelda - Let's refer to them as the Timeline of Courage, the Timeline of Power and the Timeline of Wisdom, respectively

    The Timeline of Power
  • Link and Ganon defeat each other
  • Freaky Wizard Agahnim: The events of either A Link to the Past or the GBA enhanced remake, depending on whether or not you think voice acting for Link and/or the Temple of the Four Sword existing as a bonus dungeon within the Pyramid of Power is substantial enough to count as a part of this chapter, during which Agahnim sacrifices descendents of the Seven Sages one by one in an attempt to revive Ganon after his humiliating mutual defeat by Link when Ganon's Tower coll- uh... spoilers, I guess?
  • Oracle of Sleeping Fishies: The events of Link's Awakening, Link's Awakening DX or Link's Awakening DX NX (as in the Nintendo Switch remake, because it was announced as the NX), during which Link's ship is caught in a storm, then he later awakens atop a piece of driftwood after having the weirdest dream... oh, and he's the same incarnation of himself from A Link to the Past because he siphoned off his leftover regeneration energy into his spare hand after healing, but before his body and personality changed completely... sorry, that last bit is from Doctor Who, but there's a LOT of timey-wimeyness in this series as well, isn't there? Now let's move on... Allons-y!
  • Shh... It's a Secret, Now Spread the Word: The events of Oracle of Ages and Oracle of Seasons, which happen in either order because YOU DECIDE! Also Twinrova has decided to rip-off Agahnim's plan by copying his homework and changing it a tiny bit, but they, too, screw up ever-so-slightly and only manage to score a B- (one-up from Agahnim's C+)
  • Artistic Compression: The events of A Link Between Worlds, during which an artist who seems to be a "what if" expy of Ganondorf turns the Seven Sages (and someone who is, in fact, a "Sevensage", perhaps in error, and perhaps an ancestor of the character named Error) into paintings as a tribute to someone he calls "Her Grace", and an entrepreneur in a rabbit costume rents out crucial items for your HARD JAR-SMASHED-FOR RUPEES! Oh, and he's loveably endearing and friendly. Even Mario mumbles with joy about him in his sleep! ("Ah, spaghetti... oh, Ravio Lee... ah, Mama Maiamai...")
  • Tri Force Heroes: The events of something which is kind of a spin-off, in which Power Link, Wisdom Link and Actual Link climb onto each others' shoulders and save a fashion-obsessed kingdom using the power of fashion (It's actually quite enjoyable when playing with a couple of friends, though the single player is cumbersome; if playing alone, perhaps try Four Swords Adventures for a more entertaining solo multi-Link experience)
  • The Original (But Not the Origin Story): The events of the NES original, which I already covered; also a Moblin gives you hush money so that no-one else tracks him down and pesters him for autographs, kisses and free Boomerangs in exchange for cans of dog food
  • The One After the Original (But Not the One After the Origin Story): The events of The Adventure of Link, during which you may get the urge to suddenly play Shovel Knight... or the Temple stage in SSBU (Yup, that iconic music originated in this game, y'all!); also, there's a PRINCE of Hyrule?! So what's HIS name, then? Prince Gerald? Prince Salem? Prince Plup? Is Error actually the prince, or is it his cousin Bagu? Who knows, eh?

    The Timeline of Wisdom
  • Link defeats Ganon, then is sent back to his own time by Zelda, at which point he uses his pre-knowledge to warn the Royal Family of Ganondorf's plot before he can enact it, thus preventing the Imprisoning War from happening in the first place
  • That Meddling Skull Kid!: The events of Majora's Mask, during which OoT Link searches for Navi, is knocked off Epona by a mask-wearing Skull Kid, has a concussion-induced hallucination during which he somehow frees Skull Kid from said mask, and continues his search while leaving us wondering if he ever found her... talk about an MCU-styled mid-credits stinger, right? Razz
  • Midna and the Bad Wolf (No, NOT Rose Tyler): The events of Twilight Princess, during which stuff happens (I haven't finished it yet, so just... BEAR with me! ... Whaddaya mean "That pun makes no sense in this context because Link is a wolf, which is a different kind of mammal!"...?)
  • ANOTHER Link Becomes Four... Links: The events of Four Swords Adventures, which is set hundreds, or perhaps EONS, of ages after Four Swords (I stand by my opinion of it having a more robust single player mode than the other multiplayer-oriented installments: Tri Force Heroes is a bit clunky in solo, Four Swords: Anniversary Edition's single player mode may as well be called One-and-a-Half Swords, and the original Four Swords doesn't even HAVE a single player option!)

    The Timeline of Courage
  • Link travels back in time seven years, somehow becoming the age he was back then, and the bad future becomes a divergent reality with that spot being the bridge between both timelines; after Zelda sends Link back to his own reality before sealing it off permanently, Ganondorf returns, shenanigans ensue and the people climb to the summits of the highest peaks, before the deities transform Hyrule into the Great Sea
  • "Link, I am Your Boat!": The events of The Wind Waker, during which a lot of amazing story stuff happens, and I mean WAY too much stuff to summarise in one tiny paragraph; also, we learn about the true value of homemade soup... mmm...
  • "Tetra, That's Not a Boat!" The events of Phantom Hourglass, during which Tetra does something that makes less sense than washing whites and a cherry flavoured snowcone with extra syrup in the same load of laundry, forcing Link to save her in what equates to "no time at all" (well... near enough to be taken literally, anyway, as the crew's long voyage through the World of the Ocean King apparently only took a few seconds in their own world, thanks to the magic and wonder that is time dilation... starting to think the Zelda series is heavily temporally-themed... oh. "Temporal"... "Temple"... "of Time"... Dialga... WOO, SINNOH CONFIRMED! Uh... I mean... let's proceed... 😓 )
  • "Link, That's Not a Train! Oh... I Guess it is... Oops.": The events of Spirit Tracks, during which Link rides a train, plays a pan flute... and meets a bunch of YETI PENGUINS! The Anouki are so freaking adorable they make Tingle look like a creepy- actually, never mind. Surprised

    The Unified Timeline
  • Exhalation of the Primordial: The events of Breath of the Wild, which is set after the other installments and is left intentionally timeline-ambiguous; also the chapter in which both @Staroceancrazy and I have each stated an inability to access one of the Divine Beasts (Vah Naboris and Tapu Fini... I mean "Vah Ruta", respectively)

    Phew... what an extensive description. Next time: something shorter so I don't have hand cramp upon clicking "Send". Maybe "Top Choices of SSBU Fighter by Statistical Analysis" (SPOILER ALERT: The answer is whichever one(s) you prefer based on your personal style. And Kirby, because he's so adorable, adaptable and ableblable... hey, it's a word. Look it up. busy )

Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack Empty Re: Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack

July 28th 2020, 4:36 pm
Hello, greetings and 'sup, everyone! It's time for... Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk, the show where I babble on about something that is both useless and informative (technically).

Let's be realistic: Even the most fantastic things may not be all sunshine and roses (which is worse for Bryn, since roses make her itch uncontrollably). Like any good edu-ma-cation course-age, it can be fun to learn stuff (and sometimes junk; this is an all-inclusive, non-objectifying subject, after all), but not all of it is going to be fun. Some of it is going to be considered dull by the vast majority. Yup, you guessed it... today, we're studying... MATH. (Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuuuuun... Shocked)

Look, I'm about as thrilled about this as all of you (Random redundant dialogue = bonus linguistics lecture... ooh, and a pair of awesome alliterations... lol, make that three. You're welcome. Razz), so let's just rip off the bandage.

1 + 1 = 2
1 - 1 = 0
1 × 1 = 1
1 ÷ 1 = 1

2... 0... 1... 1... 2011. Which console did Nintendo release in 2011...? Oh, that's right... the Nintendo 3DS! victory

(You didn't honestly think this entire post was gonna be a mind-numbing MATH lecture, did you? Of COURSE it isn't! It's gonna be a mind-numbing sheldonic blather about the 3DS instead. You're welcome. Razz)

A bunch of games were released for 3DS in 2011. Here are the ones I consider to be essential for any 3DS owners' library (including mini-reviews and individually themed rudimentary scores)

Super Mario 3D Land
• The very first installment to be a hybrid of the "2D" and "3D" main series Super Mario games, capturing the essence of both styles and blending them in a truly harmonic way
• The return of the fan-favourite Tanooki power, as well as introducing the Boomerang Flower and the first of many "wearable" powerups, in the form of the Propeller Box
• Plenty of secrets, Easter eggs and callbacks to some of Mario and Luigi's past exploits, as well as areas reminiscent of the Super Mario Galaxy games (3D Land was developed primarily by the team that created Galaxy and its sequel, after all)
SCORE: Tanuki MarioTanuki MarioTanuki MarioTanuki MarioTanuki Mario

Mario Kart 7
• The third handheld Mario Kart game, and the first installment to introduce the ability to build your own Kart from a selection of unlockable parts
• Underwater driving is now a viable thing, and gliding makes its début right here, with arguably the best showcase of the Glider being partway through Rock Rock Mountain/Alpine Pass (which has one of the most jammin' music themes in the game, btdubs)
• DS Waluigi Pinball. 'nuff said.
SCORE: victoryvictoryvictoryvictoryvictory

(SIDENOTE: If you own a base hued New Nintendo 2DS XL or original Nintendo 2DS, you may have access to a pre-installed copy of Mario Kart 7 anyway, so there really is no reason to not give it a try. Lack of single player Versus mode is the only fault I can realistically find, and even it doesn't deter me from giving it a solid 5-out-of-5. Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack 631737971)

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time 3D
• The first 3D Zelda series title is remastered with an autostereoscopically-enhanced coat of paint and additional quality-of-life features, proving once again that this series is well and truly a timeless masterpiece
• Switching items on the fly using the 3DS' touch screen makes even the infamous (note:underrated) Water Temple feel like less of a chore
• The challenging Master Quest version is included as part of the base package for the first time instead of as a separate entity an entire console generation after its initial release
SCORE: ClefairyClefairyClefairyClefairyClefairy

...what? They're fairies, and they're small enough to fit. Now, onto the next una...

Star Fox 64 3D
• A Nintendo 64 classic updated for a new generation, entirely overhauled with updated visuals and music, plus newly-recorded dialogue from nearly the entire vocal cast of the original
• Two different ways to play, including a Nintendo 3DS mode that's specifically catered to the gyroscopic features of the hardware;and a remastered Nintendo 64 mode that matches the course layouts of the original vector-by-vector, polygon-by-polygon and insult-by-insult ("Gee, I've been saved by Fox. How swell.")
• An overhauled and revamped multiplayer mode, with new, more expansive areas and visuals, including an arguably more exciting Corneria City that may have inspired its design in the Wii U installment, Star Fox Zero
SCORE: busybusybusybusybusy

Nintendogs + Cats
• In a word: adowaboo; the puppies (and now kittens) are WAY more lifelike than in the original, with realistic fur, eyes and animations that are sure to make you smile
• Puppies and kittens have distinct behaviour, wants and needs; your pup will greet you every time with a friendly how-do-you-do, and eagerly enjoy walks, playtime, mealtime, etc.; whereas your wittle kitty is usually content being left to its own devises, jumping onto furniture and occasionally running off, bringing a small gift to its owner upon its return
• Three different versions, each with nine unique starting dog breeds, so you can choose your favourite pooch out of the gate
SCORE: catcatcatcatcat

So there you have it, my personal Top 5 (well, Top 7, technically speaking) essential Nintendo 3DS games of 2011. If you're curious about any of them, I'd definitely recommend checking out any info you wish to know before purchasing, in particular Nintendogs + Cats. While there's nothing inherently wrong with the game per se, it is important to study which versions have which starter breeds of puppy, as everyone has their personal favourites.

As an example, imagine picking up Toy Poodle & New Friends with your heart set on a Cavalier Spaniel pup, only to discover that you should've bought the French Bulldog & New Friends version instead, mainly because none of the choices
on offer are especially appealing to you.

To make matters potentially more problematic, the physical versions list the included starting breeds on the back of the packaging, complete with cute images of each one in its puppy stage, yet the Nintendo eShop product pages fail to list said breeds at all, meaning you'd have to seek other sources to, say, find out that the Maltese breed is a starter in Golden Retriever & New Friends (Shiba Inu & New Friends in the Japanese versions).

Although in a strange way, it actually kind of mirrors the process of finding a new canine companion in real life, doesn't it? Doing your research before making an informed decision about the puppy that's right for you and your lifestyle needs, without possibly impairing the well-being of your new friend... perhaps Nintendogs + Cats is much more realistic than I thought... albeit in a meta sort of way.

Wow... in teaching you stuff 'n junk, I managed to teach myself something...

Well, in the words of one Ralph Wiggum, "I'm learned-ing!" lol!

Last edited by GeekyGamerJack on August 22nd 2020, 4:35 am; edited 1 time in total

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Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack Empty Re: Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack

August 16th 2020, 10:55 pm
Great post.

"Justice will be swift! Justice will be painful! It will be delicious!" -Ruby Rose.

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Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack Empty Re: Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack

August 16th 2020, 10:57 pm
This is a really entertaining thread Zeddy-Chan!

 photo -2aR7jeVlapQ8T2teqnjwjJaYQo_zpscf21dd89.gif

Fighting evil by moonlight.
Winning love by daylight.
Never running from a real fight.
she is the one named sailor moon!

From the Sailor Moon opening song.

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Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack Empty Re: Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack

August 21st 2020, 6:45 pm
Time to don your thinking Cappy folks things just got educational, Mushroom Kingdom style! Your teacher Jack, Mushroom Kingdom's version of Zed who happens to be a toad scholar just like Toadsworth is here to school you! lol!

Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack Rukiafan7

Funniest WiiWareQuote of August 2020!

GeekyGamerJack wrote:The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel IV... saur?

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Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack Empty Re: Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack

August 21st 2020, 6:45 pm
Time to don your thinking Cappy folks things just got educational, Mushroom Kingdom style! Your teacher Jack, Mushroom Kingdom's version of Zed who happens to be a toad scholar just like Toadsworth is here to school you! lol!

Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack Rukiafan7

Funniest WiiWareQuote of August 2020!

GeekyGamerJack wrote:The Legend of Heroes: Trails of Cold Steel IV... saur?

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Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack Empty Re: Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack

December 21st 2020, 1:11 am
Hello, Woomies, Ngyeses, Vemos, Wayos and other assorted anthropomorphic aquatic (and mythical) intelligent organisms, and welcome back to Jack Teaches You Stuff n’ Junk, the... well it’s, like, all there in the title or whatever.

Today, you’ll discover facts, trivia and head-scratchers on the Splatoon series, so I’ve decided to do something extra-special for this installment: dump the workload on someone else invite the cast of Squidkid Saga to host some fun information! And yes, that INCLUDES Inklinda, Inklein and Sheldon... wait... where’s everyone going...? COME BACK RIGHT N-


Without further “Lagoon”, Wii present “Squidkid Saga Teach You Stuff n’ Junk”! Wait... darn it, Gerry! This is GRAMMATICALLY INCORRE-


Squilma Cray

Squilma: The developers of the original Splatoon made sure to research as much as they could about marine biology. For instance, did you know that squid and octopuses really do have the ability to spray jets of ink? Talk about fact AND fiction, teehee!

Inklinda’s voice: Wait... that’s, like, it? As if anyone wouldn’t already know THAT or whatever, Spillma...

Squilma: Oh yeah? I’d like to see YOU do better!

Inklein’s voice: Silly Wilma! You don’t SEE sounds, you HEAR them! Silly Wilma, hahaha!

Squilma: *SIGH*...

Squika Udon

Squika: The Inkling music scene is ever-changing - not unlike myself, hohohoooooh - with an incandescent selection of the freshest beats released every minute, on the minute, and entirely obsolete by the time it reaches the charts. And you thought RANKED Battle was brutal, didn’t you?

Squilma’s voice: Um... you remembered to RESEARCH your chosen topic, right?

Squika: Says Little Wiss “Cephalopods squirt ink”!

*Inks himself*

Squilma’s voice: You, Squeirdo, are ALL the research I need...

Octabby’s voice: Aw... you and Squi-kun make such a KAWAII couple, Squilma-yon! I love you

Squilma’s voice: WHAT?!

Squika: Actually, you DO spend a lot of time staring at m-

Squilma’s voice: I-Inkling music is fresh, got it! HAHAHA! Nice fact, Squika! NEXT!

Squika: But-

Squigley Seastarmute

Squigley: Uh... I don’t... actually have a last name. Also, I’m one of two author inserts, so I didn’t think it would be fair to research a topic...

Squika’s voice: Well, at least say SOMETHING that sounds like a fact!

Squigley: Uh... “SOMETHING that sounds like a fact!”

Ally’s voice: Wow, that was a flawless impression of Squika, Squigley!

Inklein’s voice: Silly Scrubberella! It isn’t “Squika Squigley”, it’s “Wiggles JR.!” Silly Scrubberella, hahaha!

Ally’s voice: Well... at least Inklinda sees something in him... I guess...

Inklein’s voice: Mmm... purple...

Octabby MacZoness

Octabby: The Octo Expansion of Splatoon 2 includes a collection of eighty unlockable poems. They consist of three lines of text with eight syllables each, making them identical to the octaiku of the Squidkid Saga, something which the Author devised on the spot as a cover story for Squilma to use, and thus predicted by said scribe BEFORE the Octo Expansion’s release!

Ally’s voice: So what you’re saying is that the Author somehow accidentally predicted octaikus being in the series just months before the big reveal?

Octanner’s voice: Hey, it wouldn’t be the first time I... I mean, “the Author”... predicted seemingly inconsequential, mildly positive and vaguely relevant stuff that later turned out to be true.

Squigley’s voice: Where else do you think the “Psyphalopod” concept originated?

Squika’s voice: Muddvak cheese-induced dream hallucinations...?

Inklein’s voice: Four wall seeking?

Inklinda’s voice: Like, an overactive imagination or whatever...?

Squilma’s voice: Inklinda, that’s what Psy-pod powers basically ARE!

Inklein’s voice: Silly Wilma! You’re not s’posed to put expositions at the end of sentinels! Silly Wilma, hahaha!

Squilma’s voice: *SIGH*... the fourth wall is REALLY struggling tonight...

Brocc’s voice: Well, in MY humble opinion-

Seth-Inkley Squevens

Seth: The Inkling music scene is ever-changing - not unlike-

Ally’s voice: Uh... Seth-Inkley? Your brother already told us that fact.

Seth: Wait... for eel?

Squika’s voice: Indubitably, my dear brotha from da same motha!

Inklinda’s voice: Like, NEVER talk street again, “Inkid”...

Squilma’s voice: I couldn’t agree more, “Inklika”.

Inklinda’s voice: Like, don’t DO that, Squilma!

Squilma’s voice: Sorry...

Inklinda’s voice: It’s ALWAYS unsettling whenever you, like, AGREE with my opinion or whatever!

Squilma’s voice: Wait... THAT’S why you... never mind... *SIGH*

Seth: So we did the same thing?

Squika: It must be our twin bond.

Seth: Whoa... that’s AMAZING!

Inklinda Squatson

Inklinda: Um... like... um...

Squilma’s voice: Go on, Inklinda... do better than me, as you SAID you would...

Inklinda: ... *GULP*... or whatever...

Squilma’s voice: HAHAHAHAHA! I knew you’d-

Podd’s voice: I believe Inklinda has public speech-triggered anxiety. Based on her mannerisms and hesitation, it is indeed clear that Inklinda’s nervousness is due to anxiety brought on by public speech.

Squilma’s voice: Oh... you can do it! I love you

Inklinda: O-Okay... *GULP*... I-Inklein and I were ch-chosen as the face o-of the original Splatoon from a list of candidates, including a p-pair of mammals with long ears th-that later became the basis of the Woomy’s long head tentacles, a-and of Judd the referee.


Inklein’s voice: Wow, that was very good, Lindie.

Squilma’s voice: Agreed, Inklinda. Very nicely done.

Inklinda: Aw, thank you so much! D-Do you wanna go to-

Inklein’s voice: You’re so pretty, Wilma. I brought us two tickets to a luxury spa weekend at Romantis Spa Report.

Inklinda: Aw, you shouldn’t ha-


Inklinda: WRRRRRRRA-


Inklein Schminklein

Uh... Squidkid is the most awesomest superhero!

Squilma’s voice: *SIGH*... just move it along!

Sheldon Shellendorf

Sheldon: And now, a detailed and historically accurate recount of the Inkling-Octarian conflict, from the precursor to the First Great Turf War to the present-



Sheldon: -and so the terrain that would eventually become Inkopolis was highly contested by multiple factions, not the least of which was-

And there you have it, a selection of facts about the Splatoon series you may not have known... or have wanted to know... oh well, never mind. Come back next time when I - and possibly Inklein - teach you MORE Stuff n’ Junk! Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack 631737971

Inklein’s voice: YAY! I get to tell people more Jeff and Stunky! Ooh... are we doing facts on the Pokémon Diamonds and Pearls? My favourite’s Bidoof... hahaha! It’s so cute, like a brown, round, big-toofed Juddapus! Happy

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Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack Empty Re: Jack Teaches You Stuff 'n Junk: A Mock "After School Special"... Thing by... Jack

February 18th 2021, 5:03 am
Hi all, and welcome back to Jack Teaches You Stuff n' Junk, the series whose title no longer makes sense because my WiiWareWave handle is now @TenthSeedZed32! But I'm gonna keep using it anyway because-

(Silly Author! Your name isn't at TenthSeedZed32, it's [IRL NAME REMOVED]! Silly Author, hahaha! Happy )

Oh yeah, and a certain Inkling named Inklein Reginald Schminklein III is helping, as promised.

(Yay! My middle name is officially revealed! And the fact that my Daddy and his Daddy are also named Inklein Schminklein, except their middle names are different. Hehehehe...."third"... sounds like "tur-" Happy )

As we have just entered the Year of the Ox, I have decided to do something special, as part of Lunar New Year celebrations: compile a list of every single Pokémon in every single Pokédex with at least one "8" in one or more of its various Pokédex numbers. As it happens, a lot of them have two eights, with more than a few having 88! (Professor Emmet Brown of the Hill Valley Region, anyone? Three Pines City Gym...? Or wait... was it Lone Pine, uh... eh, ask your parents! Mad ). Oh... I guess Cranky's here, too, heheh. Razz

Speaking of eight, every single Galar-native Pokémon and regional evolution contains an eight in its National Pokédex number, with Sword mascot Zacian, at NatDex number 888, being top dog. (Uh... wolf... oh, you know what I mean! Ask your parents! Mad )

(Silly Crampy Kong! Legendary Pokémon don't have parents, they're in the No Eggs Egg Group! Silly Crampy Kong, hahaha! Happy )

So, here it is, every main series Pokédex: Eight Digest Edition! I hope you enjoy! victory

(Silly Author! Mario isn't a Pokémon, he's a HUMAN! Silly Auth... ooh, I guess he's a MIFFY-cool Pokémon, then! Hahaha, that's a good one, Author! Happy )


National Pokédex

Generation I
Kanto Pokédex:

Generation II
New Pokédex (GSC):

Generation III
Hoenn Pokédex (RSE):

Kanto Pokédex:

Generation IV
Sinnoh Pokédex (DPt):

Johto Pokédex (HGSS):

Generation V
Unova Pokédex (BW):

New Unova Pokédex (B2W2):

Generation VI
Central Kalos Pokédex:

Coastal Kalos Pokédex:

Mountain Kalos Pokédex:

Hoenn Pokédex (ORAS):

Generation VII
Alola Pokédex (SuMo):

Melemele Island Pokédex (SuMo):

Akala Island Pokédex (SuMo):

Ula'ula Island Pokédex (SuMo):

Poni Island Pokédex (SuMo):

Alola Pokédex (USUM):

Melemele Island Pokédex (USUM):

Akala Island Pokédex (USUM):

Ula'ula Island Pokédex (USUM):

Poni Island Pokédex (USUM):

Kanto Pokédex:

Generation VIII
Galar Pokédex:

Isle of Armor Pokédex:

Crown Tundra Pokédex:


There you have it! Every Pokémon with an eight! Now, as Sonic says, Gotta go fast! Oh, and...

"Gong Hei Fat Choy!" sonic

(Silly Author! That isn't Sanic's catchphrase, it's "Chill OUT, dawgz!" Silly Author, hahaha! Happy )

(Silly Author! Sanic isn't a Nintendooo! Silly Author, hahaha! Happy )

(Ooh... Sonic's blue! Lindie's boyfriend is blue, too. I wonder if she'll introduce me sometime... his name's Inkle-butt. He sounds very nice! Happy )

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